Really fed-up with TTC

[MsG]

Got my AF again. I knew it was on its way but you still hope... When I was pregnant last year before I had my miscarriage I couldn't tell at first and it felt like PMT symptoms, so every month I'm not really sure. I just feel like we're getting nowhere. And everyone around me is having babies. I don't know how to relax about it. Just wanted a bit of a moan, really.

[beanieb]

AW - moan away. I am getting used to seeing my period turn up and sometimes just think 'oh well, it will never happen'

rant away. It's unfair isn;t it. I am not that fussed about seeing random pregnant women but when it's family or friends it's more upsetting for me.

sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

How long have you been trying and have you had tests yet ?

[MsG]

Thanks for the reply beanie!

Been trying since December every month now. Tried a few times before that after the mc too(that was last June). Haven't had tests yet - going back to docs next month.

I felt ok when my period arrived yesterday - at least this month it came on the day I expected it to - a few times it's come 2 or 3 days late and that's when I get into a right state thinking I might be pregnant. Today I just feel a bit hopeless again. I need to try to think that it's definitely going to come each month...and just stop obsessing about it, I guess!

I'm the same - not bothered about random pregnant women, just friends and family.

How long have you been trying - and have you had tests? xx

[lastboxoftampons]

{{hugs}} MsG. I know exactly how you feel! I would've been due late September/early October and keep thinking - I would be just about ready to go on maternity leave, I would've been so excited to meet my new baby in a few weeks and on and on.

Like Beanie says, Rant Away! Sometimes it just makes us feel better to let it out. And I know it's hard to stay positive, but I find that reading people's success stories help. not the ones that got instantly pregnant of course - but like the woman who just got a BFP on the new clearblue trial test after 4 years of trying but didn't believe it.

Look at it this way - it's CD1 and the start of another cycle, another chance. Good luck.

[bethoo]

you are putting pressure on your body when you stress about it. i know it is hard but you really must try to relax. after my second m/c i became obsessed with conceiving.
have you tried the OPKs? if yur cycle is regular at least you know when the time of the month is for your ovulation.
and are yo having plenty of nookie?

[beanieb]

MSG - I've been trying since about last October and my period is due soon (next few days) so we're fairly near being cycle buddies
I've had lots of blood tests and my OH had a sperm test. All good so we're just going to keep trying for now.

I am fairly relaxed about trying but once I am due I do tend to get stressed out with the waiting.

Relaxing is the hardest thing!

[MsG]

Thanks... I think it's hard at the mo cos my friend has just had a baby, and I keep thinking mine would have been 7 months old now. And everyone keeps asking if I've met the baby yet, but I don't live near so haven't, but I'm worried about seeing them in case I find it really upsetting.

I have tried the kits, yeah - I find they make me feel quite stressed though! I'll keep on with them. The nookie just ends up feeling like a bit of a chore at times!

Thanks for your support.
xx

[mel1981]

Hi, i fell for you MsG weve been trying since dec too with no luck its been really getting me down. I have 4yr old and 16mnth boys already but inbetween we were TTC 4 2yrs only to have a stillbirth then a miscarriage.
My friend has also just discovered she is pregnant- she didnt want it and wanted an abortion at 1st(but has decided to keep it now). I was so angry at her for trying to get my 'advice' on it put congratulated her and put on a brave face- its not her fault but i just felt she picked the wrong person to have that discussion with.
Gonna try ovulation tests next if we have no luck this month.
sending you all TTC luck... x

[mel1981]

Hi, i fell for you MsG weve been trying since dec too with no luck its been really getting me down. I have 4yr old and 16mnth boys already but inbetween we were TTC 4 2yrs only to have a stillbirth then a miscarriage.
My friend has also just discovered she is pregnant- she didnt want it and wanted an abortion at 1st(but has decided to keep it now). I was so angry at her for trying to get my 'advice' on it put congratulated her and put on a brave face- its not her fault but i just felt she picked the wrong person to have that discussion with.
Gonna try ovulation tests next if we have no luck this month.
sending you all TTC luck... x

[beanieb]

"The nookie just ends up feeling like a bit of a chore at times!" oh yes, I totally get this. Even when I am being at my most relaxed I still can't get the fact that it's 'teh right time' out of my head!

[mel1981]

No luck for me again this month

[beanieb]

me eitehr. Am feeling incredibly upset over this. Other months have not hit me as hard.
Not got my period yet but a BFN this morning.

[mel1981]

Well you still have a chance then beanieb. fingers crossed for you.
I brought some ovulation tests ready for next month - it was too late to use them for the month gone by the time i got them! So maybe ill have a bit more luck then.

[MsG]

Sorry, you two - it's rubbish. I'm about to start the ovulation tests again. Back on the merry-go-round. It hit me really hard this month. In some ways I'm getting worse each month. And so many people I know are either pregnant or having babies! It's so rubbish!

[mel1981]

I know what you mean I feel like its hitting me harder each month. Last month I could swear that I was then I had AF only lasted 4 days yho which isnt usual- this month AF was more like spotting at 1st and I find myself making excuses '-some ppl have spotting instead of AF/when its due' Lke im trying to convince myself.
Been trying to avoid my pregenant mate ATM feel really bad about it but ill prob just cry if I saw her- Its SO obsesive!

[ClairePO]

I've been trying since October too after a mc in September. I find the ov tests stress me a little, I temped for the first six months and found that added to the pressure too. I'm now at the stage where I'm honestly thinking it won't happen for us. But like beanie said there are some stories on here to give you hope.

[beanieb]

I'm struggling because I am finding it hard not to worry and to relax. I don't know if there is something seriously wrong with me either and don't have much of a chance of finding out for ages.

[ScaredOfEverything]

HI ladies. It took us 20 months to conceive and I went through all of these emotions as well. By the end, the words "just relax it will happen" were enough to send me into hyper space.

In the end we went for tests privately just to make sure there was nothing wrong. It cost a lot (£500 for his and hers) but for me it was worth it.

Also totally sympathise with shagging becoming a chore. I did find the OV kits useful though as I think for months and months we were doing it the wrong times! Also, probably coincidence, but I started acupuncture the month we finally conceived.

I am 21 weeks now and she is kicking me right now!

Good luck xxxxxxx

[beanieb]

Scaredofeverything - what tests did you have?

[mel1981]

Some one else n here said accupuncture worked for them too. Would love to try it but we are TOTALLY skint ATM. but will look into prices etc.

[MamaMimi]

Hello all, I'm sorry to read how fed up you feel.

My AF due today and can sense it lurking ready to pounce so I can kinda understand how you feel 'cos we've been ttc since sept 07 with no joy yet. Although I haven't been through the heartache of mc which I guess must make it extra hard.

Perhaps for this reason I am a bit more relaxed about it, plus I have always felt that if it happens it will be great but if it doesn't I am still thouroughly happy with our dd and the family as it is that I'm not too bothered.

Having said that, I thought it would happen sooner (v.quick with dd) and the fact that I haven't had that BFP yet has quite surprised me! Is this what it is like for others who already have DC, that you are shocked it is taking so long next time round?

Some months, like now, when AF arrives I wonder whether I'm disappointed because there's no bean in there or because I feel like I've failed in my mission when I think it shouldn't be that difficult. Do you see what I mean? You know, when you're BD'ing every month at the right time you wonder what is stopping it from happening. AARGH!

Am at the stage now where I think I'll be going to the docs with OH to see about getting some tests done. If you have had tests could you tell me what happens and what things they test for? I mean I know basically but I'm sure about the detail of it all. ????

[beanieb]

Hiya Mamamimi.

I have had blood tests and a scan. They tested for various things (thyroid problems, hormones, ovulation etc) - had to have some tests done at certain times of the month. I also had a scan where they checked my ovaries and could see I was about to release an egg, but I was actually having a scan for something else so not sure if this is offered alongside the blood tests usually.

My boyfriend also had a sperm test which basically ment going up to the hospital and into a 'special' room to leave a deposit . Can be embarrassing for some men but my OH was rather keen.

They said he had to do this before I could be referred for further tests as they need to know if your partner has fertility issues.

Am now being referred for other tests (post coital test, Lap and Dye etc) but will have to wait.

As you've been trying for a year you should be able to go and get the blood tests done straight away and they can tell from those if you are ovulating, so it's worth making an appointment.

[beanieb]

meant!

[MamaMimi]

Thanks for the info beanie.

LOL at 'my OH was rather keen', yeah I know dp won't be bothered at having to do that either.

I will be making an appt for us to see Doc as soon as possible just to try and get some reasons.

[MsG]

Good to hear a positive story, ScaredOfEverything! I think what makes it so hard is not knowing if it will happen. If I knew it would happen, even if it was in a year or more, I wouldn't mind the waiting. It's the not knowing that's so hard.

I know I should maybe feel positive that I did conceive, even though I had a mc, but I just can't help wondering if that was a fluke.

I sometimes just feel like a failure at the most basic thing. I can't help but be envious of friends with children.

I am thinking of trying acupuncture - I reckon if nothing else, it might relax me! Does anyone know how many sessions are recommended, or doest that vary?

Fingers crossed we all get the luck we deserve soon. Isn't it annoying when people get pregnant first time and sail through it all?

xx

[ScaredOfEverything]

Hi all,
In terms of tests, I think there are a few basic you can have.

For the man, there is of course the "whacking off into a pot" test. They look at the no of swimmers, the motility (if they are quick enough basically) and the shape. If any of these things are not quite right, they can often give you advice on how to fix them, often with changes to diet. Right up front we got some advice (1) if your man has to booze, make it wine NOT beer, which is the enemy of swimmers (2) keep his laptop off the area and dont turn on heated seats in cars or take hot baths (3) generating new super swimmers once you are doing this takes 3 months.

I didnt get through my tests as very luckily I fell pregnant. The easy (cheap) ones are the blood tests just before and just after AF to test hormone levels. Having your tubes tested is a bit more intrusive (I think they pump something into you, but Im not sure).

Regarding acupuncture, I was going once a week but I think the lady said just before OV is the best time to go if you have limited funds.

For me, nutritionally I was advised to cut down on caffeine (am terrible diet coke addict ) and to make sure I have enough dairy in my diet.

I have to say, even making a few changes made me feel like I was taking control a bit more and really kickstarted our efforts. I have to admit, we were getting a bit half hearted and defeatist after 18 months when we went to the experts!

(shouldnt you all be off mumsnet now, off seducing your men )

xx