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Help me keep perspective...

(6 Posts)
lastboxoftampons Tue 19-Aug-08 17:15:55

So I got pregnant on our first try in January, but sadly miscarried in March. It's been 6 months since, this is our 5th trying, and nothing sad I'm feeling really defeated, deflated and just plain jaded lately and I don't like who I'm becoming. Please tell me I'm being stupid. Tell me we were lucky to conceive on our first try. Tell me lots of wome have miscarriages, some more than one. Tell me that 5 months is a pitiful amount of time to be trying.

I guess we've got some milestones coming up that are making it all hard to swallow - My due date was late September/early October, October is a year since I've been off BCP, last summer was when DH really agreed that we would start TTC soon. Even though I honestly didn't think it would happen very quickly, I guess I didn't think that we'd be back at square one nearly a year on. sad

Anyway, someone please help me keep perspective!

MsG Tue 19-Aug-08 18:48:30

Hi there,

Oh, it's really hard, isn't it? I miscarried last June and haven't got pregnant again yet. We have been trying for 7 months now and I know this has changed me. I think I've become quite bitter. I know what you mean about should I feel glad that I have conceived, but in a way, that almost makes it worse I think! It's like, you were close...

I don't think you or I are being stupid... I think it's really difficult and stressful.

I think the best thing to do is try to keep busy, focus on lots of different things and don't hold back on making plans just in case. I'm trying to lose weight now and get healthier, but I'm also going to go to college and do a short, part-time course.

I'm not sure I can give you perspective as I lose it myself so often!!!

But just wanted to say something.

ClairePO Tue 19-Aug-08 20:00:09

Just wanted to add my kind thoughts - it's a horrible thing to go through and then not conceiving afterwards hurts like hell. The due date I found very difficult to deal with, maybe you and DH could go away together? We did and it was good to be together with no distractions.

MsG is completely right in her advice, I am doing exactly the same thing, trying to lose weight and making all the plans I can that don't involve babies. This summer we missed out on doing things we love because of not organising tickets because 'I will be heavily pregnant by then' so stuff missing out again I have bought next years tickets already.

I figure no matter how much I wish and wish I can't make myself pregnant so all I can do is try to enjoy living the life I have now. That's the only way I know to keep perspective.

And it goes without saying that I hope you (and MsG!) conceive a sticky lo soon. Hugs.

onionlove Tue 19-Aug-08 20:52:17

I was keeping an eye on you when I was temping on the temping buddies thread although I have never posted, we are about to begin our first round of IVF now so temping won't help me now!
Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel and it must be very difficult for you, I have not had a miscarriage and I can only imagine how difficult it is. I think the two ladies that have already posted are right, you have to look after yourself and try to keep busy and positive and take comfort in friends and family and your DH.
I am sure you will get there, everyone has down days and its understandable so don't worry about feeling sad its natural and you will feel positive again soon!

Treats Wed 20-Aug-08 14:40:39


Saw this thread mentioned on the temping thread and wanted to find it.

I'm so sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I just wanted to offer some support and hugs. I think a lot of what you're feeling is probably related to losing the first pregnancy - approaching the due date is bound to be really difficult.

I don't think you'll help yourself by trying to pull yourself together or telling yourself that you're being stupid. You've suffered a loss and you need time to come to terms with it. Be kind to yourself and let yourself feel sad.

I think ClairePO is right and you should definitely make plans to be alone with your DH on the due date. It might be the thing you need to 'let go' of the baby you didn't have and help you look forward more positively. That in turn, might be the change you need to help you conceive again.

Very best wishes for the next few weeks.....

clairebear88 Wed 20-Aug-08 14:47:12


Its the most frustrating thing and I feel sorry for anyone going through it. I have no dc but have been trying for 2 yrs with no joy. Just found out dh has low count and im not exactly ovulating 100% so at least we have a reason but doesnt make it any easier.
Loads of people have suggested a holiday so you relax and think of other things.
I did have a mc 10 yrs ago and i promise it does get slightly easier ( i know you cant see that at the mo ).
Good wishes to you

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