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My poor sister what can I do to help her

(9 Posts)
ImnotOK Thu 07-Aug-08 20:52:46

She has been ttc for 4 years and has had 1 MC.
She has recent;y had an op to remove a polyp and also some cysts on her tubes (PCOS) I think.

She has been very positive but rang me today to tell me her best friend is PG ,this is after her other close friend has just given birth and our sister is PG .
During the call she broke down in tears and I felt so bad for her.

She understands that life isn't going to stop and other people are going to get pg I think she just feels really down atm.

I left some wine and bubble bath hidden in her garden for her today for when she got home from work but what else can I do to make her feel a bit better through whay I think is going to be a really hard time .
TIA

thisisyesterday Thu 07-Aug-08 20:59:21

oh poor her
I think the best thing you can do for her is just be there, a shoulder to cry on, someone she can talk to.
must be really, really hard for her

gigglewitch Thu 07-Aug-08 21:09:22

just be thre. don't avoid the topic if she wants to talk about it. I got to the point of avoiding friends with babies and even crossing the road to avoid prams sad
It is horrible but if you have someone who's not afraid to talk/listen it makes the whole thing so much more tolerable. She is lucky to have you.

nomoremagnolia Fri 08-Aug-08 15:08:11

As the others have said just being there for her - she obviously knows you are there for her to talk to, which is good. Had to smile at the thought of you hiding things in her garden - you sound lovely! I don't know if it helps you but I find bad things happening to my sister harder to deal with than bad things happening to me (iykwim) so look after yourself too. (btw my sister feels the same about bad things happening to me!)

margoandjerry Fri 08-Aug-08 15:18:43

Poor girl. It's so so hard and I think as a society we are not allowed to admit that this can be one of the worst things to have to deal with. Plus having to be happy for other people is the absolute pits.

No suggestions but just well done for supporting her and being loving.

nomoremagnolia Fri 08-Aug-08 15:23:24

margo - as a society we are not allowed to acknowledge any failure when it comes to making babies be it physical or emotional

beanieb Fri 08-Aug-08 15:24:44

If she's anything like me then she probably feels bad for feeling bad. It's a really hard thing to deal with.

What I find most annoying about family and friends treading carefully around me when they get pregnant is that I know they are all being very aware of my feelings and thinking and saying 'right, so how do we handle the Beanieb situation'. More than once I have been asked 'are you ok ...' when a pregnancy is announced, and although I know that people are only thinking of me it irritates me that they are, IYSWIM?

I am guessing rationally she is giving herself a good talking to for being so emotional because she knows it's not fair to feel hurt by other people having babies, but at the same time can't help that she does feel like she does. It's a horrible place to be and all I can say is let her talk frankly about it and don't keep asking if she is ok, rather just say you understand how it must feel to be in a tussle between rational thoughts and emotional ones.

MrsFluffleHasAWuffle Fri 08-Aug-08 15:33:05

At the end of the day there's nothing you can do or say to make it go away,or make her feel better because it is irrational and we know it, but still cannot help ourselves but just knowing that you understand how she feels will be enough, you sound like a lovely sister

ImnotOK Sat 09-Aug-08 08:52:10

Thankyou all ,the messgaes are really great.
It is true about the feeling worse if things happen to her rather then me I am the eldest though and so it's my job to worry .

beanie I think you are right I knew when she rang me something was wrong and she did start crying but she actually said she needed to get out of the office and whinge to me so then she could go back in and be all smiles again.
She knows the world isn't going to stop having babies because she is having trouble I just really feel for her .
I also get what you mean about the pussyfooting I am the only one who talks to her about it afaik ,my Mum will ask me about it rather then talking to her which I find a bit hmm.

But she seems a bit brighter now and her husband came home yeaterday after a week working away so she is not alone in the evenings every night for a while .

Thankyou all x

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