20 month age gap/ 2yr age gap... is there a lot of difference????????????

[Dalrymps]

Just wondering, ds is 9 mo old and we are thinking of ttc from when he is 1.
For those of you that have experience of this kind of age gap would you say there's a lot of difference between a 20 month gap and a 2yr gap? I mean in terms of how the older one accepts the new baby, how difficult it is to look after both etc
Our initial plan was a 2.3 - 2.6 gap but we're just kicking the idea of a smaller gap about as we're now thinking it might be better to get the baby stuff out the way quickly.
Any thoughts welcome

[MissKubelik]

Not much difference really IMO. A smaller gap will be more intense hard work in the short-term, but in the long-term they will be able to play together and, as you say, you will get the baby stuff out of the way quicker.

Don't get too hung up on the perfect age gap though. It took us 15 months to conceive our second (having taken 1 month to conceive our first) so our planned 2.6 year gap has become a 3.9 year gap. I got very stressed about it while TTC - which obviously didn't help the process! Just go with the flow. If you want to start TTC when your DS is 1 then go for it. Good luck.

[Dalrymps]

Thanks for the advice MissKubelik , do you think in terms of the actual age of the older one they will be a lot different at the age of 2 developmentally than they would be at 20 months? I have a 19 month old nephew so kind of know what he is like at that age but don't know any 2 yr olds to compare to iyswim..
I will do as you say though and try to not get hung up on the perfect gap. Ds1 also took only 1 month but who knows how long number 2 will take?

[Dalrymps]

Anyone else have any advice?

[Dalrymps]

[Fleecy]

Can't speak for anyone with a 2 yr gap but we have 19mo gap. I panicked a bit when I was heavily pregnant and wasn't sure how I'd find it with the two of them being so close in age. It's been fine. DD will be 2 next month and I'm not sure there's that much difference to be honest - her speech is better now so she's rarely frustrated as she can let us know what she wants easily but on the other hand, she has more tantrums now when she doesn't get her own way. Swings and roundabouts really!

I'd say don't worry too much about the gap - just go for it when you feel ready and see how it goes. Like you say, it may or may not take longer to concieve this time so you can't time it perfectly anyway

[Egg]

I have a 22 month age gap between DS1 and DTs. I was surprised at how well he accepted the new babies, especially as there were two. DTs are nearly 7 months so they are not doing things like playing together yet but hopefully they will all get on ok!

On a practical side, the smaller your age gap, the longer you will need things like a double buggy. DS1 is now nearly 2 and a half and still needs a buggy for longer trips and when he is tired. He can run and run when he wants to, but not if he doesn't!!

[CarGirl]

I have a 14 month gap and then a 24 month gap so can't really compare the two. Overall I prefer the smaller gap, you'll need a double pushchair, they both have naps (bliss), less jealously.

[madmarriedNika]

I have a 2yr 2month gap between mine- it seems to have worked well although DS (DC1) dropped his daytime nap only a couple of months after DD (DC2) was born and at first I really missed them both napping at the same time for the rest that it gave me (or a chance to try to sort out the chaos...)

BUT we didn't need a double buggy- in the early months DS still needed a buggy for longer distances but DD was happy in a sling so we managed like that. Once DS was about 2yr 7 months he became a keen walker and DD could take his place in the buggy- though to be honest I use a backpack more due to where I live, plus as it gives me both hands for DS should I need it (sorry, getting sidetracked...!! )

There has been very little sibling rivalry and they are now beginning to play well together- DD is nearly walking (13 months). But I do wonder if the sibling rivalry thing, or lack of, could be due to them being different sexes or just their personalities rather than age gap.

My sister and I are 20 months apart and we are very close- always have been- though did fight like dog & cat pretty often too when younger!

Good luck when you start TTC!

[Dalrymps]

Wow, thanks for all the advice ladies, seems a lot of you favour smaller gaps rather than bigger ones which I didn't think would be the case, a lot for me to think about I guess!

[Dalrymps]

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[Dalrymps]

Another bump for the evening croud...

[insywinsyspider]

we have 19 months, I found 3rd trimester really had with ds as he didn't start walking till 17 mo so still lots of carrying and lifting, bath and meal times were hard work but now its great and as CarGirl says both have naps, I get 1 hour to myself at 1pm its bliss! there is 15 mo between my and my brother and its great, I don't remember life with out him, we're very close, at moment that extra 6 months or so seems like it makes all difference but in few years time its nothing
Every age gap has its advantages/disadvantages, I think it depends on you, your family and how your ds is, I know people who've left longer as dc's a terible sleeper and they need a break before newborn and some who've thought 'getting no sleep now so perfect time to get it all done' !

[PinkTulips]

i have an 18 month age gap and will have a 2.5 year gap when dc3 is born.

the gap between my first 2 is a great one, there was hardly any jealousy, dd accepted dds really easily, they play together and are close developmentally and play with the same friends.

no ides what 2.5 years will be like but ds is already causing more fuss about a baby being on the way and insisting on being refered to only as 'baby' never by name. he seems pleased sometimes but i think it's going to be alot tougher than when he was born and dd ran straight up to him and gave him a big kiss [sigh]

[MrsTicklemouse]

DS1 was 2.5 when DS2 was born, i found the first two months quite hard but by 2.7 it had become much easier and now 2.10 its a breeze, i can put DS2 in his bumbo and leave the room for a wee without worrying what i might come back to/taking one of them with me

with regards to DS1s development if DS2 could have been conceived 2 months later i think it would have been perfect, howver all children develop at different rates so its hard to say, what works for one may not work for another

there's been no jealousy in fact DS1 is very protective and helpful, i was finishing loading the dishwasher the other day whilst DS2 was whinging upstairs after just waking from a nap, DS1 said "if you wont sort freddie out i will" stomped upstairs and gave DS2 some toys!

if i were you i would start at the smallest gap you would want and just see what happens! your a mum, whatever happens you will deal with it...its what we do!!

[Dalrymps]

Thanks ladies, yeah ds is a very good sleeper and always has been, in fact he is good in most ways apart from being a very fussy eater sometimes. I'm actually thinking we got off lightly with ds and are due a colicky non sleeper next time but who knows? Bring it on I say.
I do like the idea of them being close though, my only worry is that my wonderful little PFB will feel replaced/left out/2nd best , did ant of you find this was an issue?
Oh and PinkTulips - good luck with dc3, i'm sure you'll be fine and they'll love each other to bits

[PinkTulips]

thanks, good luck with ttc

remember, there is no perfect age gap... whatever gap you have will seem right to you when it happens and you'll make it work so don't worry too much.

[Dalrymps]

Thanks again PinkTulips

[elkiedee]

Thanks for starting this thread, it's reassuring as I'm expecting dc2 with an under 21 month age gap. I thought I should start trying again when I went back to work, as I'm old already, and I was shocked but happy when we succeeded first go after a long time trying with dc1. What makes me laugh is that about the same time it probably happened I saw a baby group friend who came to ds's first birthday, and she's done the same tihing.

[Dalrymps]

elkiedee, glad you've found the thread reassuring as have I. Good luck with your dc2, it's exciting reading about someone who's actually doing what i'm thinking of doing right now!

[L1980]

I have a 17.5 months age gap between DD1 and DS1 and I love it - hard work to a point but it's brilliant!
she worships him and still has a the odd paddy but it's getting your wording right! like if I am feeding him and she wants me for something I tell her to wait and explain and then ensure I ask her if she still wants help when I've finished

We always said we wanted 3 and DS1 has just turned 6 months - we're thinking of doing it now rather than xmas (when originally planned) to "get it out of the way" and to have them close and hopefully close bonded!?

[lou031205]

We have a 20 month gap and loved it. DC3 is on the way, and will be another 20 month gap.

[Dalrymps]

Thanks, am getting quite excited about the idea now. Have you got any tips with regards to things like double buggies and coping with everyday things with a small age gap?
Congratualtions on dc3 by the way

[sarahb3]

So happy to read these comments as I have just found out I am pregnant and my first child is only 10 months old so there will be about 19 months between them! I am feeling a little bit guilty though towards my litlle girl as I know I won't be able to give her the same attention anymore. Is this normal?

[quickerthistimeplease]

Sarahb3- I am 14 weeks pg and there will be an 18 month gap. (Was MUCH quicker happening the 2nd time). When I'd done the test I couldn't stop hugging my DD as also felt really guilty and sorry for her at having another baby to take the attention of her!