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TTC dc2 forever? Join me to discuss "ishoos", concerns, emotions and coping mechanisms please!

(42 Posts)
Bluebutterfly Fri 01-Aug-08 20:00:26

OK - BB ttc dc2 since March 2007 - a year and 5 months. Dc1 is 3yrs 6 mths. Have used chance, ovulation tests, cm monitoring, bbt. Taking folic acid, evening primrose, multivitamins, black cohash and dong quai. Sex has taken on a very functional mood despite all efforts not to focus on ttc. Cut out alcohol, down on caffeine and all foods considered risky.

Concerns - secondary infertility, dc1 never knowing what it is like to have siblings, have embarked on medical fertility tests. Really want to have a second child (always wanted 3) but feel
a) greedy - at least have 1 dc unlike many b)envious - so many friends seem to get pg multiple times at the blink of an eye
c) lucky - I really appreciate how precious my dc truly is because I have learned not to take for granted my capacity for bearing children.

I feel like I am dealing with this problem in a sort of vacuum. My friends who have multiple children don't seem to understand how upsetting not being able to choose the size of my family is, and yet I do not (understandably) get much sympathy from couples who are ttc their first without success. So noone thinks this is a serious problem, except for me and dh because we want more SO very badly.

Anyone else feel the same? Having similar probs?

Any heartening stories?

GordonTheGopher Fri 01-Aug-08 20:03:06

Oh can I join? Been ttc no2 for almost 2 years. Main problem was that I had the depo injection which messed me up completely. Only started ovulating properly a few months ago. Got pg, had mmc, it just seems to be taking forever!

I can't stand the thought of ds being an only child.

Bluebutterfly Fri 01-Aug-08 20:06:27

So sorry to hear that Gordon and especially about the mmc.

Yes, I mean I know only-child-dom is not the worst thing in the world but I still feel that it would be so sad not to have a sibling to love/hate and learn about life with. And I hate the idea that I would not be able to refine my parenting skills with a baby beyond the chaos and panic of my pfb.

I really hope you get your bfp soon!

GordonTheGopher Fri 01-Aug-08 20:10:24

You too.

I'm actually now quite grateful that I don't currently have a newborn to deal with as well as ds. I think in many ways a larger age gap can work really well.

flowerfairy Fri 01-Aug-08 20:11:42

Although have not been ttc quite as long as you. Am in similar position. Have ds aged 4.4 yo and am desparate for dc#2. Especially since my sister has just had her dc#2. Have a long story, dh wanted us to try when ds was about 18mths, i said no wanted to wait. Then got made redundant so was depressed, on temp contracts, didn't think time was right. (short version)

Completely understand where you are you coming from.

Just noticed you said you use evening primrose oil. I was on this for pms and have stopped taking it, some say that it is ok to take until ov, then stop. But it can cause premature labour. Don't know whether you knew that. There are lots of good tips on this thread and lots of supportive people.
HTH

pinkmook Fri 01-Aug-08 20:24:09

OOOh can I join you?

Me - TTC (more FTC really!) since last july. DH had vasectomy reversed then - didnt go well - told only 40ish % chance of him ever conceiving, both of us knocking on! (me 33 just turned, him 34 - 35 in sept)

I have had a few wacky cycles since ttc and have now started spotting for at least 2/3 and at its worst 7 days before AF so thats all bit worrying. we have 1 ds age 6 and I fully understand about feeling in some kind of limbo. someone I once read, likened secondary and primary infertility to drowning in 2ft of water as compared to drowning in 10 feet of water IYSWIM.

I am taking all those vits too BB but like FF says - I stop after ovulation. Also DH on a cocktail of zinc, B vits, magnesium, selenium and L carnitine.

Need some one to hand hold with I think!

pinkmook Fri 01-Aug-08 20:25:54

That should say

"I am taking all those vits too BB but like FF says - I stop evening primrose after ovulation. Also DH on a cocktail of zinc, B vits, magnesium, selenium and L carnitine."

Doh!

Bluebutterfly Fri 01-Aug-08 20:30:31

Thanks for that ff! So sorry to hear of your problems - although it seems like waiting was just as well in one sense - a newborn and unemployment would be very stressful for the best of relationships, think.

I hate the fact that when friends have good news (second or third new baby or pgy) I feel elated for them but also personally demoralised - envious, I guess. I feel so guilty because it is nothing to do with me and, as Gordon has suggested, a large age gap can be really positive - older child is more independant and has school and other non-family oriented activities to keep them interested and new baby gets a whole lot more attention because has Mummy's undivided time. But I guess my dc's will be less likely to play together all the time because they will have a substantial age gap.

That is if I can even get pg sad.

Thanks for the evening primrose tip - I will look into it further! Good luck to you!

Bluebutterfly Fri 01-Aug-08 20:35:13

Hi pinkmook - sorry to hear about your situation. Vasectomy reversal must have been hard for your dp, and put a lot of pressure on you both.

I did wonder if I should stop with the vit/herbal cocktail at ovulation, except folic acid of course, but then wonder if it would be better to stop with a bfp, because then if I don't get pg I have given the pills time to build up in my system iykwim?

Any thoughts?

Bluebutterfly Fri 01-Aug-08 20:46:29

Oh and pinkmook - I am 32 so I do worry that age may be a factor (statistically fertility does drop after 30) but then most of my friend are in their 30s and having lots and I also think the statistic is about chances of conceiving a first baby after 30 - a small detail, but possibly relevant.

Bluebutterfly Fri 01-Aug-08 20:47:14

friends blush

pinkmook Fri 01-Aug-08 20:52:27

Thanks for the positive words BB - I am such a doom monger!

As for the vit cocktails issue - I only stop the Evening Primrose at OV nothing else - as EPO is the only one I have read you should stop - as you say, the other vits need to build up in your system and many of them are excreted and so need to be replaced constantly.

I am also drinking fresh pure grapefruit juice up to OV (may I add - yack!) as it improves CM (hey I'm trying everything!

Where abouts in your cycle are you BB? I am 11DPO and already tested blush (negative natch!) so feeling a bit fed up tbh

Bluebutterfly Fri 01-Aug-08 21:02:31

>>>>>>>BB rushes out to buy a gallon or two of grapefruit juice.

I am on CD4 right now (got AF on Tuesday, after yet another month of fruitless hope)

I have irregular periods - some months 24 days, other months 27, usually one of the two, but completely unpredictable. I am now the proud owner of a fertility monitor that I will start with next month - was put off by the price, but now think it may be necessary.

pinkmook Fri 01-Aug-08 21:23:14

Ha BB thats what I did when I heard the grapefruit juice thing! Get drinking it will work this month I reckon if you start now!

My cycles are pretty irregular shortest 23 days longest was about 56 IIRC! So my fertility monitor (that I paid lots for angry not much use! Your cycles dont sound too bad really - thats only 3 days variance. Take heart BB! My last cycle was 35 days with ov on day 21 and so far this cycle is up day 25 and 11dpo so should get to 28 days - although my luteal phase does vary by about a day each month it seems (that sent me into a tailspin until I researched it and found it can vary up to 2 days each month and thats still OK - phew!)

I am under the care of a fertility consultant atm. Still v. early stages - just had a scan of my uterus and ovaries (lovely way to spend a morning (not!). Go back to see him at the end of this month.

Keep us posted on how the fertility monitor goes and I'll let you know any other hot fertility tips grin

Bluebutterfly Fri 01-Aug-08 21:28:45

Oh pinkmook - at some point you will need to tell me about the fertility consultation. DH has just undergone testing (embarrassing but possibly more "fun" than the inital female tests) and depending on his results I may be next.

Best of luck pinkmook and others - and keep me posted with any info/news/concerns!

pinkmook Fri 01-Aug-08 21:41:55

Only had one consultation so far (there are huge gaps between appointments) just took history, did smear, urine tests, swabs for stds (lovely) and arranged further tests (more detailed sperm tests for DH - not done yet eek) and the scan I mentioned above for me - they said at the scan everything looks fine structurally so I will be interested to hear what they say the cause of my irregular cycles is....

Good luck with all your tests and I am mooore than happy to answer any Q's - may as well be useful for something!

xx

thaliablogs Sat 02-Aug-08 09:15:43

Hi there,

Having been through primary infertility (three years to conceive our daughter including 2 laps (for endometriosis), 3 IVF cycles, 1 frozen cycle, 2 miscarriages and eventually a spontaneous conception), we are now trying for number 2. I just wanted to sound a warning note about some of the 'natural' remedies. My cycles were never as irregular as when taking Dong Quai, and EPO can interfere with your estrogen levels. Taking extra b vitamins (of which folic acid is one) is fine as you simply pee out what your body doesn't absorb. Selenium is ok (but you can get all you need from 1 brazil nut a day) but everything else is a bit risky/bit of a rip-off.

Oh and the grapefruit juice thing is an urban myth I'm afraid!

Bluebutterfly Sat 02-Aug-08 14:32:19

Thanks thalia - what a story! Congratulations on your daughter, it sounds like you really struggled to have her, I hope that this time things are much more straight forward for you and your dp - it sounds like you deserve it more than most! I will keep an eye on my periods (I have only been taking the herbal supplements for 1 month to try to even out my irregular periods so I want to give them a little chance - I guess they may work for some and not for others) I might cut out the epo though because I have been taking it for over a year and I am not sure it is doing much anyway.

Thanks for joining us!

pinkmook Sat 02-Aug-08 17:34:15

Well it must be working some placebo magic on me (and quite a few others on here if you search grapefruit juice in the TTC threads)as when I started drinking it I produced copious quantities where once all was relatively dry!! (sorry a little TMI probably!)

I will look into the EPO thing abit more I think........

xserialshopper Tue 05-Aug-08 18:48:09

Hi Bluebutterfly GordontheGopher FlowerFairy and Pinkmook.

BBF I think it great that you're getting your fertility checked out. I wish I had done it a lot sooner - like 3 years agogrin.

I read in Tony Weschler (or whatever her surname is) book that EPO should only be taken up to OV and then stopped. While I was on Clomid the grapefruit juice (mixed with a bit of lemonade - just to make it palatable) worked for me

I've been trying for #2 since my ds was coming up to age 2 and he's 6 now, so roughly 5 years!!!!!! Still, I'm 41 now, so age is against me.

I'm due to have a laparoscopy, dye test, hysteroscopy and tubal catheterisation on August 27th. No bding until then. I will start ttc again probably september.

pinkmook Wed 06-Aug-08 08:46:04

Hey Xerial! nice to see you around again! Good luck with the tests and everything. As you have probably read above I have started down the road of investigations although its looking more like its DH's sperm thats the "ishoo" !

x

MamaMimi Wed 06-Aug-08 12:06:31

I have a dd (4)and have been trying for dc#2 since about Sept 07.

As I got pg quite quickly with dd I put off ttc again as I didn't want too small of an age gap but now I'm wishing I had started sooner as I didn't think it would take this long!

Haven't been overly concerned about how long it's taking as I am aware that I am nearly 5 yrs older than last time (36 now), also about 2 st heavier and wondering if this is an issue - must try harder to lose weight and get fitter!

Also don't think I have really tried hard enough, ie just realised last cycle that the cramp/pain I get, that makes me feel tender and puts me off BDing, is obviously a sign of ovulation when we need to be BDing with gusto!!! blush

So I have decided I need to take the whole thing a bit more seriously if I want to give my dd the sibling she keeps saying she would love. Hence being on MN and reading other posters stories and deciding to join in with mine.

Currently on CD erm (hang on, just check calendar!) CD4.

xserialshopper Wed 06-Aug-08 13:04:33

Yeh Pinkmook I'm still rooting for yougrin and your reversal thread is still in my 'watch' section [I'm so nosey emoticon]

pinkmook Wed 06-Aug-08 13:39:15

grin ta xerial - am rooting for you too!

Hi mamamimi, I too thought it would happen really quickly (stupid really since DH had had a vasectomy reversal and the surgeon said only a 40% chance of pregnancy after the op - I just assumed we would be in the 40%!! [stupid emoticon] )

I am on CD 2 Mamamimi so we will have to check back in here and hold hands on the 2 week wait!

Are you happy to be having break from TTC xerial or is torture?! I go back to my consultant on August 27th too so will have to check back with each other and see how we both went!

Bluebutterfly Wed 06-Aug-08 13:42:27

Just a quick question - I tend to have a period that lasts for 5 days. Heavy on day 1 and 2 and then tapers off. This time my period started light for 2-3 days, got heavy for 4 days and here I am on DAY 8 and I still have moderate flow! Is this going to seriously disrupt my cycle? I am on day 8 on my fertility monitor and it is already telling me to test every morning - and I still have my period. Of course it is showing "low fertility"? Anyone else get this?

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