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I desperately want another DC, DH says the time isn't right, cant afford it, etc. etc . BUT I dont want to wait.

(7 Posts)
Tobermory Mon 28-Jul-08 10:09:35

First off, not sure if this is in the right place - but need some opinions.

We spent a year TTC with my crazy cycles which ranged form 35 - 127 days. We were just starting to go for tests re. fertility, life was very stressful and emotional and my lovely Dad died , 5 days later i peed on a stick and got a BFP. And 14 months on our DD is just delightful.....but I'm biased!

Im 35...just had b'day and think i am developing ishooos re. age! I want another baby, want our DD to have a sibling and think that with our track record we should get a move on as it make take some time!

DH thinks we should lleave it till our DD is a bit older - until recently i would have agreed that it may be easier with a bigger gap. We are planning on a trip to Oz next summer to visit my only sibling but obv cant do that preg/with small baby - impact of we start TTC now. Though no reason why we could travel the following year, apart from additional cost. Also I had SPD last time and was off work and fairly immobile from 22 weeks - how would that be with a toddler. Money is another biggie, right now life is comfortable, i work p/t which is lovely, we dont have a big mortgage. DH reckons we cant afford another nursery place - though i would go back to work FT , if i had to.

At the back of my min is this fear that im not getting any younger, i dont want to leave it too late. What if it takes us 2 years and we dont start trying till after next summer? After we got married we decided to wait and have some US time before TTC, we did but it resulted in my Dad never meeting his only grandchild - i regret that, a lot. I am worried that waiting again, might have other negative results.

Apologies for this long and possibly rambled post......thankyou if you got to the end

HonoriaGlossop Mon 28-Jul-08 10:45:07

It sounds to me that the reasons for doing it now outweigh the reasons for waiting.

Long time conceiving before, plus being over 35 when fertility declines seems to spell to me, start trying. The other reasons are less pressing IMO; visit to sibling, nice but not going to affect the whole rest of all your lives as will having/not having another child! Money - well, there is simply no good time.

eth37 Mon 28-Jul-08 10:55:42

I agree with HonoriaGlossop and think you should start trying now. Atleast if you take a more 'relaxed' approach to birth control, you are kind of leaving it out of your hands, IYSWIM? Then if it happens, it happens. If it takes a while you could try a more serious approach in a few months?From friends' experiences, I think it can start to take longer as you become over 35. And a trip to Oz would be lovely, but is it really worth delaying something so important for? WHen you could go the summer after? And money is never going to be ideal, IMO! It always gets spent, whether you have no children, or 5! HTH, let us know what you decide

Tobermory Mon 28-Jul-08 11:12:52

Thanks both for your thoughts.

The money thing, I think is the biggest issue. When we look at it on paper I do wonder where we would find the money for another nursery place. But we would find it I guess, somehow. We both smoked up until 3 years ago, I have no idea how we afforded to do that - v expensive habit!

Tobermory Mon 28-Jul-08 11:12:55

Thanks both for your thoughts.

The money thing, I think is the biggest issue. When we look at it on paper I do wonder where we would find the money for another nursery place. But we would find it I guess, somehow. We both smoked up until 3 years ago, I have no idea how we afforded to do that - v expensive habit!

zsos Wed 06-Aug-08 16:15:27

hey good luck! but remember that babies can always sleep in your room or share a room they dont have to have there own nursery. and also the money thing is huge but the second time around might be a bit cheaper since you already have toys from your first and also with the second you no that babies dont need every toy they also just love playing with pots and pans, spoons and all sorts of everyday stuff! and will be highly entertained with there older sibling

dilbertina Wed 06-Aug-08 16:32:08

Tobermorey, don't forget if you're in the uk you'll start getting nursery vouchers for dd1 when she's 3, that'll help. Also can either of you get childcare vouchers via work - the tax you'd save will make a difference.

I think I'd go for explaining to DH that it would make you unhappy not to have another child, and that you have very real reasons for fearing if you don't start trying soon that may not be possible....If he agrees in principle to having another child then I think the timing shouldn't be so hard to convince him on.

Good luck

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