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i really really really really really really really want no. 3 but dh just says no >>>>

(22 Posts)
blushingm Sun 20-Jul-08 19:34:22

everytime i even mention it. Has anyone got any ploys that could convince him it's a good idea. He just won't discuss it and i'm getting so frustrated i can;t cope with the idea of never having another baby

nickytwotimes Sun 20-Jul-08 19:36:06

Give it a few years?

NigellaTheOriginal Sun 20-Jul-08 19:36:50

if you find any let me know. i've been trying to persuade DH for the last 9 years without success. sometimes i accept it other times i yearn for it and have not yet given up hope of no.3. makes me v sad sometimes.

2fedup Sun 20-Jul-08 19:36:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

posieflump Sun 20-Jul-08 19:37:14

How old are you and what are the ages of the dc you already have?

NorthernLurker Sun 20-Jul-08 19:38:50

Ploys won't work. You just need to let him know how much it means to you and then wait and see. Try not to nag - I know it's hard as I wanted a third for some time before dh wanted to go for it. He changed his mind and we now have three lovely girls. How old are you - to be blunt - what time is there on the clock?

blushingm Sun 20-Jul-08 19:44:46

i'm nearly 30 and dh is almost 33 so it feels like time is ticking.

DS is 6 1/2 and dd is 2. My friend has just told me she's pregnant and i'm soooooooooo jealous. I've been feeling like this for about 18 months now and it's getting worse over the last year. BIL just had a vasectomy (sp??) but DH has said he's no plans to have it so I kind of keep getting my hopes up - i know i shouldn't but i can't help it grin

Heated Sun 20-Jul-08 19:46:31

Are you certain you want another child, rather than another baby?

HappyNewYearFeet06 Sun 20-Jul-08 19:46:55

Myself and dh have just gone through this. We have 3 dc's atm. Age 11 yrs, nearly 5 yrs and 2 yrs. I yearned for another, the feeling was unbelievable but dh said no and was on the waiting list for a vasectomy. However, I told him how I felt, how much it meant to me, how the vasectomy was so final etc and how I really knew that deep down he would like anotherand he is just a bit nervous about the prospect of 4 dc's!... and in the end we agreed.

I agree with northernlurker when she says not to nag.

blushingm Sun 20-Jul-08 19:49:03

i would definately want another child. Times have been so much more fun with 2 that i can only imagine it getting better with 3.

posieflump Sun 20-Jul-08 19:55:23

do you know why he doesn't want another?

NorthernLurker Sun 20-Jul-08 19:55:41

3 is lovely. If it's any comfort i have 9 years between dd1 and dd3 and 6 years between dd2 and dd3 - and I love that quite big gap. So if you are just coming up to 30 I would say there is time for dh to change his mind and for you to have a great bigger family. My girls are not 2 and 1 - they play together and visibly adore one another.

allgonebellyup Sun 20-Jul-08 20:00:13

i like big gaps too, there are nearly 5yrs between my two dcs.

i think i would like another child one day (my youngest is 4.5yrs) but as i am single i doubt anything will happen for me!

i hate it when people go on about age gaps being too big a la "oh, you dont want there to be more than a 2 and a half year age gap, they will never get on, blah blah".

So you're 29 ?! (same as me!)
Thats really not old. Certainly not too old for your last child!

blushingm Sun 20-Jul-08 21:09:49

thanks allgonebellyup - i don't feel old but dh keeps saying i'm pushing 30 shock

dd and ds get on really well too - he is very protective of his little sister - i would really like 4 but one baby at a time eh?

sarah293 Sun 20-Jul-08 21:16:28

Message withdrawn

blushingm Sun 20-Jul-08 21:28:59

oh riven - who says what normal is anyway - things like that are just bad luck

dh can't give me a reason why he doesn't want another - he jut says he only wants 2angry hmm - that's not a very good reason.........i don't think so anyway

sarah293 Sun 20-Jul-08 21:40:05

Message withdrawn

lou031205 Sun 20-Jul-08 21:54:13

I would give time and space. My DH got lazy with contraception twice in one week, and I got pregnancy symptoms. It made us consider the possibility of being pregnant. He went from being cross with himself for not 'suiting up' (in general I think contraception is a joint effort, but he knew I wanted another, and he knew I wasn't taking any other contraceptive precautions), to saying that he wouldn't actively try for another, but he would come around to the idea if he had to, to saying that if I was pregnant he would be delighted, but he would rather I wasn't.

It turned out I wasn't pregnant. But, two weeks on, he said that the 'scare' had made him think about our family, and that he had never truly been settled that our family was complete, despite seeming adamant for the last almost two years.

He decided that we would TTC #3!

sarah293 Mon 21-Jul-08 07:54:53

Message withdrawn

mellyonion Mon 21-Jul-08 08:25:52

its a really hard thing to go through....there really is no comprimise...you want a baby, he doesn't...its not like you can get half a baby, or a part timer is it??? so one of had to accept...

i was desparate for a third baby since my dc2 was months old...we disscused it, and i was told to stop going on about it...i brought it up all the time, but it caused rows....he knew my feelings, and had strong views of his own, but didn't have any particular reason for not having another child.... i stopped nagging, for fear of it building into another row....

one night, we were doing the deed (as it were!), and he decided at the crucial moment that he would "see what happened" if he didn't withdraw. it was great timing, and i got pg that one time!

he said having the space and time to decide for himself made his decision for him.....that, and seeing how much joy our other kids brought him....

my friend on the other hand is having a no win case with her partner, and it is tearing her up inside and causing real resentment towards her partner.....

god. what a long post! sorry!

i hope you get your wish.....

mellyonion Mon 21-Jul-08 08:28:04

"so one of had to accept..." errr. i have no idea what i was writing there!!!
so one of you has to accept and live with the others decision is what i think i was trying to write!

Oblomov Mon 21-Jul-08 08:41:33

I think that hardest thing for OP is that dh won't even discuss it.
You need to find another way of getting him to discuss this.
I can't think of anything.
But maybe you could sit him down and say , " you don't seem to want to discuss this, but I need to ".
So, next friday, I 'd like it if you give me the opportunity to tell you how I feel.
Then you can have a think about it.
Then the following friday, you can tell me how YOU feel, we can discuss it, and put it to bed once and for all.

I mean that pins him down to certain timeframes. And it assures him that it will then be put to bed. Some men like this.

Would something like that, although very regimental, would that work for you ?

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