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i'd like to have a girl

(42 Posts)
insywinsyspider Thu 17-Jul-08 19:44:36

hello, I've done a search about ttc for particular genders and I know how some people feel about 'gender selection' but I'm looking for some non jugmental and honest conversation about it as I its not something I can talk about in real life as I feel too guilty for feeling like this, I have 2 ds's and I would like a dd, dh and I would like dc3 and I'm actually scared I might not ever have a dd, I'm really close to my mum, I'd like to have a chance at that relationship and boys are diff to girls whatever anyone says, I need to feel happy bout having ds3 before we ttc but don't know how to start the 'grieving' process... anyone been thro this?? if I can't resolve these feelings then I can't have another dc.... I feel sad about that

mamafelix Thu 17-Jul-08 20:12:37

Hello insy, I heard that having sex a few days before you ovulate is more likely to result in a girl than a boy but unfortunately I suspect really it is all rather 50/50...

I don't think you should feel ashamed of wanting a particular gender; I suspect many people have a preference though they would deny it. When I was told I was having a boy I was a bit disappointed - only for a minute, mind - but it was genuine disappointment, as I'd pictured having a little girl. Of course I quickly adapted to having a boy and wouldn't change it now!

I suspect if you have a boy you may always 'miss' the girl you didn't have, but you'll love and look after the boy just as well. My advice is take your chances and just try not to resent a boy (if you get one) for not being a girl. You'll be alright I'm sure.

frasersmummy Thu 17-Jul-08 20:21:07

scientifically its easier to conceive a boy.

This is because the male sperm swim faster but the female sperm last longer.

So mamafelix is right if you have sex a few days before ovualtion then chances are the male sperm will have died off leaving the slower moving female sperm getting there "just in time"

of course if you have sex a few days before ovulation then you cut down your chances of conceiving at all

In terms of having a preference I couldnt have put it better than mamafelix

best of luck

insywinsyspider Thu 17-Jul-08 22:30:33

don't get me wrong I love my boys to bits, I wouldn't change ds2 for the world and I actually wasn't that disappointed he was a boy, its more I feel the pressure is on now to have a girl as its my last baby, I kind of feel if I'd had a girl already I wouldn't be too worried... its more how to reconcile the fact I might never have a girl - I can't imagine how I would feel like, I find myself envious of people with dd's - like I said I wouldn't swap my boys but I'd love to add some pink into my life and work out how not to feel jealous of people who've managed to have a dd

I've heard about the pre ovulation advice, part of me's hoping to accidently fall pg so I don't have to make the decision about when to have sex or just leave it to chance

sars87 Sat 19-Jul-08 20:02:50

I have two really lovely amazing daughters. I had a terrible relationship with my own mother and worried so much about how i'd bond with them but its been amazing. However, I have always had my heart set on a boy, but I am so grateful of what I am given. And if i go on to have another girl then I'll be so happy with that. but i do understand your thoughts and the way you feel. Its hard to explain to others and i get judge loads for it but you can't help your feelings. It doesn't mean I love my lovely girls any less.

Litterbug Sat 19-Jul-08 20:08:39


I know how you feel.

I have 2 sons and was TTC a girl, i actully got pregnant 'by accident' on a month i didn't expect to

I just found out its a girl

that was pure chance, but was planning on using the shettles method...

I have a book here on shettles gender selection I can post you if you want?

its this one and its makes ALOT of sense!

leave your email if you wnat it x

dinny Sat 19-Jul-08 20:13:25

how long before ovulation is it for a girl?

sars87 Sat 19-Jul-08 20:17:32

Litterbug that books looks great, I bet you are over the moon?? Hope all goes well, you can start buying pink now. xx

Litterbug Sat 19-Jul-08 20:30:20

Sars if incy doesn't want it you are welcome to it

Ill just see what she says first x

Litterbug Sat 19-Jul-08 20:30:55

I am over the moon actually! If not a little shocked still!

sars87 Sun 20-Jul-08 10:09:06

Litterbug, after all this wait you will not take it in. She will be here before you realise that is actually your little girl. So happy for you. Well let me know what she says.

fanjolina Sun 20-Jul-08 10:14:21

My friend did EVERYTHING advisable to get a girl - only eating certain foods for months in advance, sex only at the right time in her cycle, douching with lemon first (can't remember the rest, but it was like a military operation)

9 months later she had DS4

pgwithnumber3 Sun 20-Jul-08 10:27:14

I think there is only so much you can do, pure pot luck at what you end up with but I can understand a woman's desire to have a girl. I have 2 DD's and would love a boy! We could have swapped Litterbug had you had another DS!

Hope you end up with a little girl eventually but I am sure even if you have another boy, you will be equally as happy.

Congratulations Litterbug!

insywinsyspider Tue 22-Jul-08 22:22:11

litterbug - congrats! I would love to find myself in your situation in a few months time smile I think I can imagine how it must feel, I keeping hoping we'll get there too
I'd love to have a look at the book (even though it was pot luck for you in the end! maybe some things are meant to be...)
email is as I can't CAT you (theres goes my anonimity - if anyone knows who I am in real life... please keep this to yourself!)

sars87 - will pass it on after I've had a look if you like

pgwithnumber3 - I'm sure I would be happy with another boy but I need to make sure iykwim, thats why I needed to come on here and talk about it, kind of put it all in order and then get on with it! I think it is all luck but I think if I try a 'method' (maybe not a military opperation tho) at least I'll think I did something to swing the odds in my favour

dinny - think its 5 days before ov for a girl... need to have a proper look at that tho!

Moonlit Wed 23-Jul-08 00:14:05

Hi Ladies,

The book recommended by Litterbug is excellent.

I know two family members who have used it.

One has two girls and two boys

The other has two girls and then a boy

AND they BOTH used this book.

I have this book to, but I currently have fertility issues, but i will definitely use it when the time is right!

Good luck!

solo Wed 23-Jul-08 00:29:02

I had sex on the Sunday morning and ov'd on the Thursday ----->GIRL

gigglewitch Wed 23-Jul-08 00:39:02

I also had two boys, wanted a third dc but like insy would really like a go at seeing if we could get a girl, also because i have a lovely relationship with my Mum. Gist is, I read "how to choose the sex of your baby" by ~Hazel Chesterman Phillips, plotted some cycles, length, sticky stuff [poss tmi, sorry] and so on; also used a persona monitor. I knew that both boys had been conceived at ovulation, day 16, and thus had to get earlier than that to conceive a girl. We worked further down my cycle each month and by month 8 with sex on day 13 we made it - or should i say her.
Family complete. As i am sure it would also be with a third little boy, but i have to say i am sooooo happy with our little girl, and i appreciate my boys more than ever through having her [but that is another story grin! ]

QueenyEisGotTheBall Wed 23-Jul-08 01:46:17

as far as i know it is pot luck but some of the stories on here seem encouraginggrin
we are TTC#2 (on cycle 9) and at the mo i would be happy with whatever i am handed iyswim but if i had a choice i (and DH) would like a boy as we already have a DDsmile as i am not having much luck doing the deed all the time i feel it would somewhat limit my chances to cut down on the sexsmile but then doing it daily isnt working anyway (unless you count my 2 chemical pregnancies along the waysad) so what would it matter!!i would be interested to see some feedback from people who have used various methods as im sure alot of people have a preference even if they dont really have a choice!!smile sorry if i am rambling...
i hope you come to a turning point soon with a decision to help yousmile
xx ei xx

insywinsyspider Thu 24-Jul-08 08:38:38

moonlit - one thing I do worry about is my fertility, when I conceived ds1 I wasn't having any periods (consultant I was seeing must have thought I was hypocondriac!) ds2 cam along quicker than we thought (18 months later) and I was charting to see if I was ov so I know he was conceived on ov as I saw the blue line and we did the deed... I guess thats why the theories I've heard make sense but I am worried about actively avoiding ov, I'm not a very patient person! What you said about you're friends is very encouraging - if litterbug doesn't come back on here I 'll have to invest in the book!

gigglewitch - how long did you chart for before ttc your dd? and did you start at somewhere like stopping on day 10 and then moving one day closer each month till it happened?

solo - another encouraging story!

queeny - I'm still a little undecided... do you think there are lots of other people out there for whom this didn't work which makes it just pop luck and therefore I could be making it stressful by trying to put some science behind it? sorry to here about your chemical pg's and hope it happens for you soon x

QueenyEisGotTheBall Thu 24-Jul-08 11:43:55

hi inseywinsey
i have heard of alot of people trying for a certain sex and getting what they wanted iyswim but they didnt use any proven method as far as i know (except for one friend who used shettles to get a girl and got a boysmile)
i think it would be really interesting to see a medical case study on the subject to see some real statistics but all i seem to be able to find is like advertising jargon for gender selection without using in vitro etchmm (im more of a scientific mind rather than seeing affirmations about things i like to see proven factsmile)
thanks for the well wishessmile
i really hope you come to a decision soon and get what you wantgrin
xx ei xx

gigglewitch Thu 24-Jul-08 23:45:48

insy, yes exactly as you say. charted 10mo in total, and as my cycle was luckily very regular - (something i already knew obv), with only 1 day variation in length, over the whole 10 months, it simplified things a lot and i was able to just plot 2months worth of goo and stuff wink to know what was going on and when. so as you say we started with about day 8 <taking no chances> and worked further down my cycle. DH wasn't that clued up over what i was doing with the "when to do it" thing - but was quite happy to oblige when required grin
God this sounds calculating and quite bonkers blush. Am not - honestly. And we can't be the only ones showing an interest as there are so many books and theories out there!

gigglewitch Thu 24-Jul-08 23:54:10

worth a read if you want to investigate her theories a little further. I can only believe that this worked for us, as I know exactly when in my cycle the boys were conceived and have such a predictable month. After all of the reading and figuring out, very sure that we wanted another DC regardless, we were just experimenting with the odds, to see if it worked out any different! We had also been told that I couldn't have any more DC anyway so when i found out i was pg it was actually quite a shock, tho in a good way!

insywinsyspider Fri 25-Jul-08 21:40:36

thanks gigglewitch - I found that book in a charity shop today... fate maybe?!? so will be having a good read, one thing that did make sense was high sperm count as we had to get that checked as part of infertility investigations and dh's is high, he'll be in tight pants then just in case that helps!
I don't think its calculating or bonkers, but then maybe I'm one of those calculating bonkers people! main prob at mo is no period since ds2 was born (8mo) first hurdle is to find out where that disappeared too.... hmm

Gina80 Fri 25-Jul-08 21:47:23

So if you had sex 3 days before OV and also on the day of - which sperm do you think would erm 'win'???

Not that I am trying to predict DC2 you understand wink

DisenchantedPlusBump Fri 25-Jul-08 21:50:04

I believe the shettles method.

With both my SONS i was obsessed with getting pregnant and used OPKs to pin point EXACTLY when I was going to ovulate, and so had sex as I ovulated... which resulted in boys.

This time I got caught and wasn't (and still am not) sure what day it happened , i don't know when I ovulated so i think i did it before OV and got a girl!

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