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Have I lost my mind to want to start trying for another baby when DS is only 10mo?

(27 Posts)
wasabipeanut Thu 17-Jul-08 13:33:34

And, for that matter, is it advisable? My heart tells me I want another baby, dh is happy to try but I worry that my body isn't up to another pregnancy and, more to the point, delivery.

I am 35 so also acutely aware of the fact that I don't have limitless years to sit around and decide.

Because ds was concieved so quickly my dh won't take me seriously when I say that it might take a lot longer this time.

We took a couple of chances on holiday last week and it was about mid month but I'm sure nothing will come of it. I have no symptoms and I was starting to feel a bit odd at this point with ds.

So many issues in one post.....

poppy34 Thu 17-Jul-08 13:39:13

dunno but can sympathise re age thing.. re body thing - is there any particular reason why you are worried? you could get yourself checked out to put your mind at rest. And whilst you've no reason to worry its not that uncommon to take longer to conceive second time around (so have every sympathy as if and when we try again wont' be leaving it long as I'm in exactly same boat as you re age except dd just 3 weeks old !!)

And if you did conceive now would be an 18month gap - have a few friends who have this gap and seems to work quite well. TBH there are so many views on optimum age gap I'd just go with what you two feel happy with.

itati Thu 17-Jul-08 13:40:21

TBH if you had really lost your mind you would not be considering another baby. Given your age, I would TTC now.

itati Thu 17-Jul-08 13:40:58

FWIW baby number 2 took longer to conceive than pregnancies 1 ,3 and 4.

wasabipeanut Thu 17-Jul-08 13:44:15

Hi Poppy,yeah I know 18 months isn't unusual by any means.

I didn't have an abnormal pregnancy by any means but I suppose I look back now and just think "God,I can't believe I did that". I know it sounds really silly! The birth was a bit traumatic and the thought of going through that again also really frightens me.

mamafelix Fri 18-Jul-08 10:34:09

Hi Wasabi, I'm in the same boat - my DS is 10.5m and I'm trying for a second - am 33; I also had an awful birth - ended in emergency c-section. Don't really want to do that bit again but I do really want another baby! My feeling is that the sooner you start TTC the better because it can take a while. I don't think it's crazy at all. My friend got up the duff when her first was just 6 months - slightly scary but I'm sure it's not impossible.

Good luck!

Cosette Fri 18-Jul-08 10:41:33

I was pregnant by the time DD1 was 1 year old - bit of a surprise, but it's worked out really well. DDs are only 1 school year apart, and get on well (most of the time!) The age gap is 20 months and although very tiring when they were both little, is fine now they are older.

IHadABetterNameButYouStoleIt Fri 18-Jul-08 10:44:44

my sis is half way through her third pregnancy she has a 3 year old and a 14 month old already and she is coping just fine upto now.

im not sure how her 14 month old is going to cope with the arrival of a newbaby though. he doesnt even like it when she holds my lo!!

Pinkveto Fri 18-Jul-08 10:45:48

Mmmm, wish I'd stopped and applied brain as I sit here 37 weeks pregnant with a 17 month old. Denial is my current and only coping mechanism.

TBH, being pregnant with a toddler is surprisingly do-able, mostly because you are so much less indulgent about it!

How I'll be coping in 8 weeks time is anyones guess.

You have no idea how long it will take to conceive, although you have to be prepared for the minimum interval thats about all you can say.

schneebly Fri 18-Jul-08 10:46:38

I was told by the doc that your body takes 9 months to grow a baby and the same amout of time to recover. My DSs are 17 months apart and it worked very well - my second pregnancy was actually easier than my first but I was knackered having a toddler and being pg! I think in your shoes I would just go for it - as you say you don't know how long it will take and even if you fall pg straight away I think it is great having them close together! smile

lou031205 Fri 18-Jul-08 10:57:33

I have a 20 month gap. It is great! I found out I was pregnant the month DD1 turned 1. But had DD2 1 month early. DD2 is now 11 months, and we are TTC DC3. Go for it. I am sure the age gap has its rewards later, even if it is hard at times in the early years.

cloudydaze Sat 19-Jul-08 21:10:59

I have an 18 month gap between my two, whilst it can be exhausting I like having two quite close together as think that they (well hopefully) will be close. I also had horrendous first labour (even had my midwife afterwards telling me it was horrific) and so was concerned about my second birth but shouldn't have been as it was total opposite, so easy. Our youngest is now 8 months & we're starting to consider if we try for a third & final one so haven't been scared off!

spudballoo Sat 19-Jul-08 21:17:08

My two are 17mths apart, so my first was 8mths when I got pregnant (totally by mistake, such a shock!). Now they are 17mths are getting on for 3. Only now is it manageable to be honest. i found the first 6 months so hard, I felt very strongly that I'd robbed my first of a lot of his babyhood as I'd been pregnant and knackered for so much of it and, at 17mths, he was still a baby to me and then had to immediately assume the 'big boy' routine.

I was 34 when my first was born, and 35 with my second. I fell pregnant immediately wih my first and, as I said, by mistake after having sex ONCE with my second.

I know I was in a totally differnt situation as my second wasn't planned. But I find it very hard to recommend a tiny age gap.

Partly because it was really rough for everyone for the first 6 months of having two, then only tolerable for the second six months. But mostly because I really felt my first child was shortchanged in terms of having a 'babyhood'.

It seems ok now, they 'seem' to be good pals but who knows what the future holds.

x

Elmosgirl Sat 19-Jul-08 21:21:02

I was pregnant again when DD1 was 8 months, they are 18 months apart, I found the second pregnancy fine, although is harder having a toddler to look after and not being able to rest as much, the delivery was much easier than first time round. I got 2nd degree tears with both, first time I could barely sit or walk for days, second time didn't feel a thing.

I think if it was what you and your partner want then you should go for it.

caykon Sat 19-Jul-08 21:24:08

My two are 12 months 2 weeks apart. So i was pregnant again when ds was only 3 or 4 months old blush

4andnotout Sat 19-Jul-08 21:24:48

My dd3 will be 10 months old tommorow and im 26 weeks pregnant with dd4 grin Was a shock but i have had an easy pregnancy so far with no problems. I will have 2 in cloth which will be a lot of washing but we wont fin sleepless nights a shock as dd3 doesn't sleep through yet anyway!

Bimblin Sat 19-Jul-08 21:45:22

Someone told me once that broodyness hits its peak at ten months and I found that to be true, but didn't do it then because of work circumstances. I waited til ds1 was two and have found that hard because I'd just got my life back (no nappies, could talk, eats normal food - ds, not me!) and I wish I'd done it earlier as its been quite a shocker suddenly going back to newborn stage. Get it all out of the way, that's what I say!

elmoandella Sat 19-Jul-08 22:01:30

i fell pg by accident with dd when ds was 7 months. (never found out till he was 11 months)

to be honest i wouldn't recommend it. i'm young and fit , but i still found it dreadful. i was really shattered running around after ds.

i was getting up thru the night with 2 dc at one point. finally now both of them sleep thru from 10pm till 7 am. after 3 years of no sleep. (if i include last few months of ds pregnancy)

i pulled the muscles down one side of my pump.which is AGONY, so sore i was rushed to hospital as thought i was in labour. pulled muscles just from doing daily stuff with ds like bathing him,lifting to highchair, helping into car.

had 2 friends who followed suit and got pg aswell. one of them also pulled muscles (apparently very common as muscles haven't had time to repair)

but to be honest you'll do what you really want. but you did ask if i thought you'd lost your mind then i would say yes!!

olyoly Sat 19-Jul-08 23:12:27

I have three, and they are all 17-18 months apart. I am a SAHM, which makes it easier. Not sure that I would do it this way if I was working. I do love the small gaps, and will likely try for a fourth in the next couple of years (I am 33, so feeling the need to hurry up I think)

Hannah81 Sat 19-Jul-08 23:29:56

I'd def try now while your blissfully unaware of the terrible 2's stage, or worse - the troublesome 3's - maybe then u'd change your mind! I concieved DS2 when DS1 was 2 and a half - now that was mad!
lol
on a serious note go for it! I would imagine at 10mths, your body has recovered by now, but as long as you feel ready then i'm sure u are. it will be lovely for them to grow up so close in age together.
good luck and have fun trying! wink
xx

greenbeanie Sun 20-Jul-08 06:44:13

I can fully understand why you want to conceive now and I do think there is a peak of broodiness around this time. I think it is often because your little one is becoming that little bit more independent and less of a little baby.

However, the research suggests that you should wait 18 months between delivery and conception to give you and your baby the best chance. Both in terms of recovery for you post delivery - even more important if it was a difficult delivery and also to reduce the chance of prem labour/mc and birth defects which are more likely if there is a small gap. Although the risk is still small it is slightly higher when pregnancies are close together.

Good luck whatever you decide smile

hatrick Sun 20-Jul-08 06:57:17

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RipMacWinkle Sun 20-Jul-08 07:36:56

I say, like others, that as long as you're prepared that you might get pregnant straight away, then go for it!!

I speak as someone who wanted an 18m to 2 year gap - after an early MC back in March and nothing happening since then, we're now going to have a min 2.5 year gap and it makes me a bit sad.

As long as you'd be happy with a 19month gap then go for it - I wish I'd started earlier but hindsight is fab wink

sars87 Sun 20-Jul-08 10:23:59

hi Wasabipeanut. I was told i could never concieve children when I was just 17. it was a week after my 18th birthday and i was told i was expecting. As soon as she was born we strated trying again as I never wanted her to be alone. I was hoping it would t woulod work straight away but it never, 13months later i recieved a letter from hospital to go to infertility clinic and found out i was pregnant the same morning. been trying now since our second duaghter was born and just been given clomid. Don't wait as it might not happen so easily.
I have a frien who had twins at 34 weeks and 6 months later she was pregnant with twins again born at 33 weeks. she struggles but no more than what i do with a 2yr gap.

greenbeanie Sun 20-Jul-08 13:13:10

HAtrick: I'm afraid I don't, it was in a midwifery journal about a year ago - not even sure which journal!!

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