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Cant afford another child,dh booked for snip but serious doubts

(21 Posts)
CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 06-Jul-08 21:16:35

Thats it really.I have a dd and a 7 month old ds.I should be satisfied,I know.

I am 41 in 2 weeks and we cant afford another child so dh having snip end of July.

But I cant get head around NOT having another baby and I am really struggling with it.

We defo cant afford two in childcare (i have to work) and i cant wait till ds is out as i will be too old.

But just saying never is too final

Anyone else feel like this?

nomoremagnolia Sun 06-Jul-08 21:39:36

If you're having doubts you need to talk to DH about it. There are other forms of contraception and I wouldn't go ahead with anything until both you and DH are 110% sure.

scorpio1 Sun 06-Jul-08 21:41:35

DH was offered - at 25 !!

If you think no, you need to tell him. It's too final IMO.

DH is NOT having one, no way.

scorpio1 Sun 06-Jul-08 21:42:29

And you don't have to be satisfied with 2dc you know, its not the rules to only have 2.

Would a childminder be cheaper? Is there any way round it if you want another?

LaylaandSethsmum Sun 06-Jul-08 21:44:33

This is how I feel, i'm having a coil fitted next week, if all goes well it can stay in for 10 yrs but can come out if we do decide to have more.

blackrock Sun 06-Jul-08 21:45:36

Talk to DH, use another form of contraception until you sure. If you are 41 I gues you will decide and be clear sooner rather than later, but it is sooo important for you to be completely happy with the decision you both make.

BibiThree Sun 06-Jul-08 21:49:59

DH had the snip 10 weeks after the dts were born, we already had a dd, and knew 3 was more than enough for us.

Yet for at least 6 months afterwards I was an emotional wreck, crying all the time, taking pregnancy tests every month just in case, I felt bloody hysterical at the thought of not being ablt to have another baby. The finality of it all near drove me mad...

Now, the dts are 11mo, I am perfectly at ease with our decision, we made it for the absolute right reasons and had dh not had it, we would be having our 4th child now, be in financial dire straits, would have no room in our house at all, couldn't afford a bigger car or fit another buggy anywhere!

It still hits me hard some days, sso if you do go ahead, even if you convince yourself you are 100% certain, prepare for hard times. It is never an easy decision to end your baby making days. Go speak to your gp, they shoudl arrange for you and your dh to talk it through with a gp together.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 06-Jul-08 21:59:55

I talked it through with my gp.She was great and she too had two and said no more then no 3 arrived and it threw her into chaos and shes so glad they had no 3 and said that feeling of *just one more" doesnt ever go away.

she thinks for me its the right decision as I have v bad pregnancys

im the one who talked dh into it...

its just the finality of it all, its hit ne

scorpio1 Sun 06-Jul-08 22:02:15

Just because oyu have bad pgs it doesnt mean any more. And i dont mean 'just' lightly either btw

Would Dh be open to another?

Do you think you feel this way because snip has been mentioned - if it hadnt would you be asking dh to ttc?

FWIW, i dont think the felein will ever leave me either - i had dc3 11 weeks ago and i already want another.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 06-Jul-08 22:05:27

dh would say no no no

we are just about managing with the two, financially that is and both working full time and a 4 year old and baby is hard

i suppose in an ideal world i would be 1o years younger and have more time..

scorpio1 Sun 06-Jul-08 22:07:05

My DH alwasy says no no no too, takes time to persuade him, lol

What about maternity pay? Extra tax credits, CB? Could you work from home? Part-time?

Ideals are so unfair to think of. I think i would ike a husband who would let me have more!!

iwouldgoouttonight Sun 06-Jul-08 22:13:10

I'd agree with others and say use other contraception unless you're 100% sure. I'm pregnant with DC2 and DP asked me the other day (completely out of the blue) if I think he should have the snip after this one is born. We are both decided we definitely only want two children, but I said I'd rather wait until they're both a bit older before making such a final decision. I really don't think I'll change my mind, but I'm not sure that maternal/broody instinct ever goes away - I find myself feeling envious when other people tell me they're pregnant even though I'm pregnant myself!

My mum told me that my dad had a vasectomy as soon as my sister was born because they just knew there was absolutely no way they could afford another - he was only 30 and the doctors asked him loads of questions to make sure he was certain.

Sorry about waffling!

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 06-Jul-08 22:13:18

I am the main earner so all pressure is on me i suppose.

theres no way financially.i guess knowing that is the hardest

might win the lottery eh?!!

terrier141 Mon 07-Jul-08 07:25:38

Please please dont let him do it - you both need to be 100% sure its what you really want - and you clearly have massive doubts already.
Could you not consider a less permanent form of contraception? Then you always have the option of changing your mind.
I speak from experience as my dh has recently had his reversal reversed - it cost a lot of money and the success rates arent great - its really getting us down.
Please think very carefully before committing to it. xx

HappyNewYearFeet06 Mon 07-Jul-08 16:06:30

Hi, Only just seen this thread. My dh went to see his GP about getting the snip. We have 3 dc's. As people have said though it is so final and once he had been for his appt and been put on the waiting list I didn't want him to have it done.

So, we are now ttc number 4 and he is still on the list but are going to have another befroe the op happens.

If you are not 100% ok with it then he shouldn't have it done.

x

anneme Mon 07-Jul-08 16:18:03

Sounds a bit familiar. I have DS1 who is 4 1\2 and DS2 who is 14 months. I always said I only wanted two children and DH always wanted three. After three miscarriages between having the two children I said "right - DEF only 2" and DH agreed. As soon as DS2 arrived I thought "actually, I'd like another". I still think this now. DH v anti the idea after all the strain of the last few years. We almost certainly won't have another (well....we'll see) but (and here I come to the point!) I would find it very hard to cope with the idea of DEFINITELY not being able to have another and so would not encourage the snip (even though I said that DH should have one right up to when DS2 arrived). I have a number of friends who have got pregnant by mistake iyswim and I (secretly) hope I will. We are too bloody careful though!!!
My point being - wait and use other contraception for now and sorry for waffling

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Mon 07-Jul-08 19:33:33

Thanks ladies.Good advice as always.

Litterbug Mon 07-Jul-08 19:35:13

Im actully dreading this as Im 24 on my 3rd and I keep thinking about DH having the snip but don't think I could face it

sars87 Sun 20-Jul-08 11:00:35

hi all, just new on here and noticed this. My DH is 40 next month and he wasn't to keen on more, but we have agreed to give the clomid 3 months and if nothign then he is going for the snip. I can't really handle the heartache of more miscarriages or waiting for months. He works full time and i dont to look after the kids, we really struggle with money but i was always told there is worse things to come to your door than a baby. You have to seriously think if you will be happy in 2 years time when looking back on your decision. Good luck with what you decide.

purpledazzle Sun 20-Jul-08 17:17:45

i suggest you read the heart wrenching thread called vasectomy reversal success as other women like yourself who agreed to their dhs having and now going through heartache of reversal and all that goes with it. please reconsider.

yellowflowers Mon 21-Jul-08 10:29:27

Would you have another if you won lottery? If you would then don't let dh have snip. besides, you can do it cheaply... and is dd old enough to help out a bit perhaps? or will be in a few years time.

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