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I want another child - dh doesn't

(20 Posts)
SPARKLER1 Sat 29-Jan-05 11:37:15

We have two dds. Dh and I have talked about a third and he is dead against the idea. We are both okay with each other talking about the situation - no arguments (YET!)

I am not sure how I feel about it. If it was to happen it wouldn't be for at least another couple of years anyway. Just wondered if anyone out there is in the same situation.

SPARKLER1 Sat 29-Jan-05 11:42:33

apologies if this one has be done before!

amynnixmum Sat 29-Jan-05 11:43:36

Sorry to hijack the thread Sparkler but wondered how you were feeling today. We're definately not in the same situation as I am currently trying to persuade dh about the benefits of the snip

zaphod Sat 29-Jan-05 11:44:09

I was, and it took dh a couple of years to come round, but eventually he did, then it took another couple of years for me to conceive, and we had number 4. Having number 5 is a different story

Toothache Sat 29-Jan-05 11:44:18

Sparkler1 - I am in EXACTLY the same situation. I have a ds (3.5yrs) and a dd (6mths). I know in my heart that could never rule out ever having another child. DH however is determined that there will be no more babies. We're not getting on that great the mo anyway (long story.... and a whole different thread!) so another child is a distant thought just now, but I'd like another before I'm 30. I'm nearly 27 so that gives us 3 yrs. DH is 32 and feels that he will be too old in a couple of years and wants us to get our life back.

I keep joking about it, saying things like "We'd better put dd's old clothes up the loft in case we have another girl!". DH is not amused though.

I'm hoping that if everything works out between DH and I that when the time comes I can change his mind. I've had the Mirena coil fitted in the meantime to avoid any little 'accidents'.

I don't know what I'll do if DH is still determined that we have no more.

I'll just get the coil removed and tell him that I'm fertile.... if he wants a shag he has to risk getting me pregnant..... wonder how long he'll hold out for?!

SPARKLER1 Sat 29-Jan-05 11:45:12

Hi AMN. Thanks for asking. Not too bad today. Thursday was a really bad day for me. But haven't been too bad since. Back to GP on Monday. How's things your end?

SPARKLER1 Sat 29-Jan-05 11:47:04

Toothache - it's horrible to think of not having anymore children isn't it? It's just seems so final. Not sure if I'm ready to feel like that yet.

amynnixmum Sat 29-Jan-05 11:48:10

Crap really because of the sitaution with DS. He has been excluded for another week and i know the head is building a case for permanent exclusion . Mum's ok though - had her first chemo yesterday and is feeling fine. Is the GP going to refer you for counselling?

nerdgirl Sat 29-Jan-05 11:48:54

Be careful Toothache. I have a close friend who tried that tactic. Her husband promptly went out and had the snip!!

Terrible strain on the relationship but they are hanging in there - just about.

marne Sat 29-Jan-05 11:51:11

Hi sparkler1,
I have one dd age 11 months, i also have three step children. I would love another but dh doent realy want any more as he has 4 already. This has caused a few arguments.
I have always wanted more than one and he knew this when we got together.
Are dd has been realy hard work and i think this has put him off having any more.
Hope you get your own way soon, im going to keep trying! Good luck!

Toothache Sat 29-Jan-05 12:02:42

Nergirl how awful!!!

I'd leave him, and he knows that. We had discussed the snip whilst I was pregnant with dd. I think he'd rather have another baby than have a surgeon touch his .......ahem...... tubes!

nicmum2boys Sat 29-Jan-05 12:08:06

Hi Sparkler1, I am in more or less the same situation, have two DSs (4yrs and 18months), DH is addamant he doesn't want another, I have always wanted 3, and feel my family is incomplete. This is not helped by the fact that recently I fell pregnant completely by accident, but sadly had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. His reaction to the miscarriage was complete relief that I wasn't pregnant anymore, and has hurt me so much. Our relationship is strained to put it mildly. All I can say is keep talking, cos we aren't and there is an ever increasing rift between us, not saying this will happen to you of course, but at least if you both know how the other is feeling, that's got to be a good thing in the long run imo.

amynnixmum Sat 29-Jan-05 12:10:38

{{{hugs}}} nicmum

SPARKLER1 Sat 29-Jan-05 12:51:34

everyone. C'mon now - let's get the girlpower working. Don't know about you - but I'd be the one who looks after the baby more anyway - I don't work, I would breastfeed. Guess dh doesn't want to put up with me being grumpy through lack of sleep . Guess I can't blame him!

Gwenick Sat 29-Jan-05 13:01:16

SNAP - exact same position here.

When I first got engaged to DH he 'did' want kids - but sometime in the distant future (he was 24 - I was 20). I wanted them (2) straight away (or at least to try for them), 6 months into our engagement I 'talked him round'.

Had a honeymoon baby and he still (sort of) agreed to baby no.2 - but not for a couple of years. DS2 turned up a little earlier than planned - but DH loves him to bits. Anyhow, while pg with DS2 (the happy suprise) I hinted that I would 'perhaps' like a 3rd - and it was like I'd run into a brick wall.

When DS2 was about 3 weeks old we had a 'talk' and I 'agreed' to no more children (although I've said NO to the snip just yet - as he's still 'young' - he's just turned 30).

My 'plan' is to wait a few more years and then broach the subject again, hopefully if I broach it the right way then he may be talked into a number 3 (it's wierd when I first had DS2 I thought I'd like a 3rd and a girl would be nice - but now I'd actually quite like another boy - I 'know' boys LOL).

Good luck

SPARKLER1 Sat 29-Jan-05 19:50:54

We always said that we'd have 2 children. 3 never appealed to me until now. But I always said if I had a third I would want a fourth. I don't think I could stretch to 4 though!

janeybops Sat 29-Jan-05 20:16:17

stretch to 4 LOL!!!
Sorry [blush}

SPARKLER1 Sat 29-Jan-05 20:22:36

LOL janeybops - that was an unfortunate choice of words wasn't it??

janeybops Sat 29-Jan-05 20:25:54

sorry didn't mean to interrrupt the serious discussion going on but couldn't resist!

SPARKLER1 Sat 29-Jan-05 20:33:56

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