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calling old duffers or old up the duffers

(364 Posts)
marinda Sat 15-Jan-05 21:05:02

By popular request (2 votes actually!) this is a thread for old duffers like me who are over the hill and TTC and for anyone who is old and up the duff ! I didn't suggest these terms so please don't get offended if you don't see yourself as a duffer but would like moral support , chat etc...
I am 38 years younh, have ds - 3.8 and have been TTC for 7 months ---aaaarggg!!!

Merlin Sat 15-Jan-05 21:07:53

Hi Marinda

I don't consider myself an old duffer but I am 42 and expecting no2 in early April. DS is 4. I'm sure that when the baby comes I will be feeling about 102!!!!! Hope you get lucky soon - how long did it take with no1? (if you don't mind me asking?)

marinda Sat 15-Jan-05 21:12:38

About 10 mins - that's what makes me annoyed - on a wim - we wern't really trying and hay presto - DS 9 months later. This time OMG - tried evry month over fertile period and still no lucky. Do you have any other kids ? How long did it take to conceive this time ? Any advice so greatfully received !

marinda Sat 15-Jan-05 21:25:47

Sorry Merlin just read you hace DS 4 !

Merlin Sat 15-Jan-05 21:50:09

Took about 5 months I think, but then miscarried last June when I was 12 weeks. Had 1 period and then was pregnant again (we were a bit in shock - but Dh says just call him "Super-sperm"!!!) Don't really know what advice to offer except keep practising - try to keep to a healthy diet, cut down on the alcohol etc, all the normal things. Have to say I think we were just very, very lucky cos I didn't really do any of these!!!!

marinda Sat 15-Jan-05 22:10:27

Anyone else like to join ?
Thanks Merlin keep posting !Merlin did you make sure you bd over fertile time or did you leave it to chance ? Hope you don't mind me asking.

aloha Sat 15-Jan-05 22:33:34

I conceived my second child the first time with no contraception at the age of 40. I've personally never 'tried' for a baby in the way some people talk of 'trying' - I think stopping using contraception is 'trying'.

bubble99 Sat 15-Jan-05 23:37:51

I'm a geriatric up-the-duffer. I'm 38 and have two DS's 7 and 4 years. This was going to be number 3 and took 11 months to conceive. We are now expecting twins! No family history just aging ovulation- not firing one month and double firing the next. I'm nearly 35 weeks and due anytime soon

DecafArabica Sat 15-Jan-05 23:53:51

Geriatric? 38? You're a mere whippersnapper, Bubble! Good luck with the birth. At the hospital where I had DS, you weren't considered an older mum until you hit 40. I haven't been for any appts yet so don't know how they'll deal with me--I'm sure they've seen mums lots older than me so I probably won't be a celebrity patient.
I'm 43, expecting no. 2 in September, and conceived straightaway. I don't know if this is relevant, but we hadn't actually had sex for 3 months beforehand. So maybe there's something to be said for the rumour that you shouldn't have sex too often when you're TTC?

oops Sun 16-Jan-05 00:08:03

Message withdrawn

bubble99 Sun 16-Jan-05 00:18:41

I've certainly heard that the concentration of sperm can be too low with too frequent sex when ttc. Congratulations on your pg. I read of your exploits on another thread - straightaway is an understatement! It's very true how attitudes to maternal age and pregnancy have changed. Until recently the term 'elderly primagravida' would be scrawled across the notes of anyone over 35 with a first pregnancy. I'm taking my swollen ankles off to bed now, very pleased to be a junior member of the newly formed old duffers club.

jabberwocky Sun 16-Jan-05 01:08:31

Hi all, not pg just dithering about it. Will be 40 in March. One of my main considerations is the Bell's Palsy I had with ds. Anyone else have this? Not sure that it's related to age but still nervous about a second time around.

pacinofan Sun 16-Jan-05 09:53:50

Hi all, I'm 37 and ttc no 2. Had no real problems conceiving dd (almost 2), though it did take about 6 months. I'm told that's normal but I remember it felt like ages! Have had a miscarriage in December at about 6 weeks which has been quite upsetting. Have waited a cycle, as was advised, and we are now trying again. Feeling a bit more optimistic, new year, new start, etc.

I don't feel like an old duffer, but I do know my energy levels are not what they were say 10 years ago! Regularly feel shattered after dd goes to bed, am making big efforts to cut down on wine in the evening and do loads of exercise (have been swimming 3 times this week and done 2 Rosemary Conley workouts at home, xmas pressie from DH to replace my 80's videos)!

Nice to know there are others out there in similar situations, bye for now.

marinda Sun 16-Jan-05 10:01:38

Welcome to you all to the old thread (or we could call it mature ladies) Whether TTC or pg let's keep in touch !!
Welcome to oops, Arabic (we have spoken before), Bubble 99, Jaberwocky and aloha.
I have AF due very soon (i THINK) although one can never tell as pg are very similar !
Don't know about bells palsy jaberwocky, but I did not think it was pregnancy related - why do you think you will have this again ? Are you TTC ?

littleweed Sun 16-Jan-05 10:27:21

can I join too please? I'm 40 in April & we're TTC number 2 without much success. No.1 happened v v quickly so this is very frustrating especially as I mc'ed in October adn things still aren't right. I'm the oldest peson I know with a toddler so think this thread is a mighty fine idea.

RudyDudy Sun 16-Jan-05 10:35:33

<<whippersnapper sneaks in>>

hello all - not joining but just wanted to butt in to tell you about woman's hour this week. The feature was essentially when are you too old for IVF? but also talked more generally about fertility as you get older - one Dr was saying that it is only since the abortion act that it has become more unusual for women over 40 to have children and this is only because most choose termination rather than more children. No idea if this is true or not but thought it was an interesting discussion. The woman's hour website also has some related articles woman'shour

<<whippersnapper skips out>>

motherinferior Sun 16-Jan-05 10:42:06

I've been thinking about this whole issue of older women and fertility. Because although clearly some women do become less fertile in their late 30s, equally obviously lots of us don't. I had my first baby at 37 (an accident) and my second at 40 (after six months of 'trying').

Our culture doesn't value older women. And the 'biological justification' that gets trotted out for this is that we're 'past-it'. The so-called 'natural' reason for rating 19 year olds, physically, above 35 year olds is that they're fertile and us old duffers are tottering crone-like into the menopause. We're told, firmly, that everything plummets downhill from 35, including our reproductive capacity, and that if we haven't had babies before then it's our own damn fault for concentrating on our careers.

So the fact that older women aren't just running companies, looking gorgeous (admittedly not the same sort of gorgeous as 19 year olds!), clever, witty and sexy but we're also ^having babies^ - ie undermining the complete 'justification' for under-rating us - is, I think, tremendously threatening.

DecafArabica Sun 16-Jan-05 11:18:15

Well said MI! When I was 19 I was much more compliant and gullible than I am now. And I was probably more beautiful, too--although in those days my body image was dreadful so I wouldn't have believed it.

aloha Sun 16-Jan-05 11:26:21

Miscarriage is more common in older women (though luckily it never happened to me) but it can happen whatever your age. It really isn't at all unusual. Conceiving, even if you miscarry, means you are ovulating, fertile and are physically capable of conceiving again. Please don't let it make you lose heart.
There is a high rate of terminations amoung late thirties/40somethings and I think one of the reasons is the huge amount of propaganda about how we will wake up on our 35th birthdays to find our ovaries have withered to dust! Women believe this crap, are careless with contraception because they think 'I'm too old' and hey presto! Pregnant. I keep saying this but there is some evidence that nearly 70% of women are still fertile at 40, and bear in mind that some women are subfertile at 20, so that's not even a 30% drop in the numbers of fertile women, it's more like, say a 15% to 20% drop. It took me about five or six months to conceive ds (3) at 37 but ten minutes to conceive dd (due in three weeks) at 40. It's easy to say, oh, I got pg first time instantly, now I've been TTC for six months, so it MUST be because I'm older, but that ain't necessarily so - it could simply be one of those things.

Tinker Sun 16-Jan-05 11:30:51

I can join as well. 40 and due in May. Got pg twice at 39 but had a miscarriage at 6 weeks with the first one. Luckily, I didn't really have any problems getting pg.

I heard some of that R4 discussion. I don't know about the abortion stats but I would have thought that one of the main reasons less women have children in their 40's is that they are simply trying to. It's not necessarily to do with declining fertility.

Tinker Sun 16-Jan-05 11:32:25

Not trying to, I should have said!

aloha Sun 16-Jan-05 11:33:52

Oh, absolutely Tinker. And newspaper articles ALWAYS get that wrong - they write about 2% fertility rates in over 40s (say) but totally fail to realise that 'fertility rates' means the proportion of over 40s who get pg in any one year - NOT how many are CAPABLE of getting pg! I've written to newspapers at least three times to point this out and the Observer actually printed a clarification (in tiny type at the bottom of a page, after scaring the pants off many women! Grrrr).

Moomin Sun 16-Jan-05 11:41:13

i heard the article on woman's hour and found the woman's views who was against ivf after a certain age offensive. her only argument was that a child born to a woman in her fifties would have a huge burden of care for its parents and it should not be allowed. the ivf expert argued with this and said that occasionally women in their fifties still conceived naturally and in fact the numbers that would want it on ivf would be comparitively small. i wanted to say to this woman - would she therefore stop anyone who has a terminal of life-threatening illness or condition from ttc (naturally or otherwise) for same reason she gave? NONE of us can guarantee we won't be ill / unable to crae for ourselves! My mum died quite young but my dad is still going. they had me when she was 32 and he was 42. he's 79 now and going strong. no-one could have forseen that my mum would die, but it doesn't mean that my dad hasn't been a great parent, even thoguh he's getting on a bit.

oooo she made my blood boil!
sorry for the rant!

RudyDudy Sun 16-Jan-05 11:55:20

Just wanted to clarify that I didn't want to post anything controversial or offensive to anyone - I just thought what the Dr was saying about it being a societal and cultural thing that we are in many ways 'anti' people getting pg over 40 and that it isn't necessarily supported in nature was interesting and hopefully encouraging for those in that age bracket who might be worrying that they are 'past it'.

I wish lots of luck and healthy babies to all of us ttc of whatever age

romilly Sun 16-Jan-05 12:37:37

well done marinda - (apart from the thread name which is crap if u dont mind my saying so) - anyway i'm 38 yrs young too - with no sprogs yet - but watch this space..

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