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help me make my mind up ?!?!

(12 Posts)
lilsmum Wed 05-Jan-05 09:50:28

ok, lol. dd is 12mth on 26th jan, i know i do want another baby but when is the right time? how long did you/are you going to leave between your's? whats the best age gap for kids to "get on" better? i am 24 and dp is 30, so no panic i guess just could do with some opinions really, the closer you have kids together in age does that mean they will be closer do u think?

aloha Wed 05-Jan-05 09:56:01

Closer when? As babies? As adults? I really, really don't think there are any 'rules' about this sort of thing. It depends mostly, I think, on personality. After all, there's six years between you and your dp, and you get on alright, don't you?
Seriously, I think the important thing is the right age gap for YOU - ie what you want and feel you could cope with/enjoy. I couldn't do less than three years, personally. I know boys born a year apart who fight viciously absolutely non-stop - extreme sibling rivalry. I also know two girls with a similar age gap who are great friends.

runtus Wed 05-Jan-05 10:03:05

I think Aloha is right when she says there is no hard and fast rule - I know from personal exp that girls born very close together do not always get on perfectly (me and my sis!) esp when teenagers!

nailpolish Wed 05-Jan-05 10:08:05

i have 2 dd's, one 26 mths the other 2 mths. its very hard just now, both in nappies, etc, but i made a conscious decision to have them 2 yrs apart because me and my brother are 2 yrs apart and we are the best of friends. i know this doesnt mean dd's will be best friends, but i enjoyed having a brother close in age so i hope they will be. dd1 is in heaven having a baby sister. and dd2 smiles and laughs with her big sister. the nice bits outweigh the hard bits over and over.

agree though, there is absolutely no ideal time or 'right' time at all!!!

ps its very very hard being pg with a toddler

mrsflowerpot Wed 05-Jan-05 10:11:00

I have thought about this lots, am pg at the moment after a long time ttc number 2 and ds will be 4 when the baby arrives. That's probably too big a gap for them to play much, maybe running around games for a while, but they won't have masses in common. But on the other hand, they won't be close enough together to fight over toys, friends etc. I don't think there is any magic ideal gap except one you're comfortable with, it'll all come down to how they relate to each other as individuals anyway.

My brother and I are 18 months apart, mostly fought up to the age of about 12, then ignored each other for about 10 years (seriously cannot remember a conversation with him when we were teenagers). My sister is 8 years younger than me, I adored her when she was little then had very little to do with her when she was a teenager, except for occasionally playing big sister by having her to stay and letting her do grown up things. She and my brother never got on as kids. Now we're all properly grown up, we are all 3 really close. I think that it's as adults that it's most important, as kids you normally have lots of your own friends, but as adults siblings really come into their own.

HappyMumOf2 Wed 05-Jan-05 10:15:44

Message withdrawn

beckswith3 Wed 05-Jan-05 10:45:47

either way has plus points, DS1 is nearly 9 and DS2 is 15months, DS 1 helps out loads and is very caring but DS2 has grown up quick and roughs and tumbles with his big bro, then DD is 9weeks so only 13 and half month gap. Before she arrived I was petrified about how I would cope but actually its so much easier than I expected. There are times when both DS2 and DD1 are screaming but I just deal with one at a time.
So going from one extreme to another, big gap/hardly any gap which ones the easiest? close together I think because I hadn't got my life back before becoming pregnant again, so used to not sleeping, used to still sterlising bottles and doing nappies.

jane313 Wed 05-Jan-05 10:51:40

mrsflowerpot my brother was nearly five years older that me and we still fought over toys!! (all the books in our house had both our names in it and lots of crossings out) but on the positive side we did play together a lot and I have lovely childhood memories and we are still very close now.

I think there is no ideal time as I could name sibling of all age gaps who are close or not. My partner and my freind are both very close to their two older brother who are 9 and 10 years older!

singsong Wed 05-Jan-05 11:02:05

I have a ds of 5 months. I know someone who had a baby 2 weeks after my ds was born and she is planning to have another this year if she can. I would like another but want my ds to be about 4 years before I do. So I think it is a matter of personal preference. I have a brother who is 10 years younger than me and I am really close with him. I’m sure it’s different to having a sibling nearer your own age but I don’t think age is the major factor in how they will ultimately get on.

mrsflowerpot Wed 05-Jan-05 11:07:41

that's nice to hear, jane313 - all I have heard from everyone so far is that it's a big gap and they won't have anything in common! I'd much rather they played enough together to bother fighting over toys if I'm honest!

Bloatella Wed 05-Jan-05 11:14:51

I have one ds (4 in Jan) and am expecting a baby in august this year. I'm delighted to see mrs flowerpot and HappyMumOf2 have had a bit of a gap too. It took me at least three years to recover from having ds! I couldn't imagine having another for ages. He also satisfied my maternal instinct so profoundly that it was ages before I even thought about it. But certainly the majority of people I meet think to have two or three close in age is good so they can play together and you can 'get it over with all at once'. I'm very happy to be expecting number two and have recently felt guilty at my ds being on his own. I come in the middle of four siblings so I imagine bigger is beautiful for me somehow.
I suspect there are no rules because each family is unique so you might as well trust your instincts.

Sallie Fri 07-Jan-05 13:26:59

I think Aloha is spot on. To give another perspective, I have a ds who is 2 yrs 4 months and a dd who is 10.5 months so only 17.5 months between them. Although it was hard to start with, we have coped well and have never had any jealousy issues from ds - perhaps coz he was so young when dd came along. It so depends on the childrens' personalities though and also to a certain extent on the gender mix and so on. Just go with what you are comfortable with. Having a baby is always hard work and having a second is no exception, whatever the age gap. I am expecting no 3 now and will have 3 under 3 and one month - what am I doing???????

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