9 months TTC and losing hope

(146 Posts)
BritInNZ Fri 01-Oct-21 01:30:28

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

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kmbegs Fri 01-Oct-21 06:22:04

Hello, I am currently on cycle 7 and feel the same. It's a monthly rollercoaster but every month it feels less and less likely. I also just had a trip away with family that I was really really hoping to be pregnant for and it felt really sad that I wasn't. I now keep thinking how much I just really really want to be pregnant by christmas but I know I'm setting myself up for more potential disappointment by focusing on that. Can I ask where you are and where you went for private tests? I managed to convince my GP to test my progesterone and they're doing a semen analysis of my husband, which is something. I've ordered some private tests as well but need to wait until my next cycle to do them. Have you heard of soy Isoflavones? I have done some research and going to give those a go next cycle. Like you said though, it is normal for it to take up to a year so all we can do is keep going. My best friend just got her BFP on her 9th cycle.

FlyOnTheWall89 Fri 01-Oct-21 06:55:31

@kmbegs @BritInNZ hello ladies - just jumping in. We are now on cycle 6 of trying for baby number 1. I am 32 and my boyfriend is 34. We haven’t done any tests yet - we both think maybe it’s a bit premature but oh wow it is hard to just keep going each month and then AF arrives and I turn into a crazy hormonal sad monster for 3/4 days.

I only started using this forum maybe 3 weeks ago because I am feeling very alone in this process. Maybe 2 people know we are trying to conceive and actually that in its self is hard because I think they are expectant of news and I can’t give them any! We too have been dreaming of when we tell our parents and it feels like it is never going to happen.

Since joining the forum, it does seem very normal for it to take a while and there doesn’t seem to be a pattern when you have multiple children either. One lady wrote the other day it took 11 months with her first, 1 with her second and 5 with her third. I take this as comfort and maybe you should too.

Can I ask if you are using OPKs or taking supplements or doing anything else like that?

I have been doing OPKs even though I am pretty sure I know exactly when I ovulate. I have just started taking VitaWest pre-conception tablets, folic acid in a larger amount and COQ10 for egg / speed quality. This combo seems to be raved about from the various and many many blogs I have read. I have also bought Pre-Seed for this months try.

Trying to put any issues out of my mind re problems with eggs or sperm because rn there is no evidence of that. We are both healthy, active people and have no symptoms of any concern but I guess at some point we will have to go down the testing route.

Sorry for the essay haha.

Lots of luck to you both xxx

kmbegs Fri 01-Oct-21 07:09:13

@FlyOnTheWall89 I totally agree it's early for tests, I just couldn't help myself when I was seeing my GP for something else. I find it hard not to worry something is wrong, even though like you say there's no evidence of that and I know it's normal for it to take a year or longer. I actually already have a daughter who is 2. With her I got pregnant the first month, which I knew was insanely lucky but I really didn't appreciate how lucky until now!

In terms of what I'm doing, I've been doing BBT and OPKs for a few months before we even started TTC (so that I knew my cycle perfectly). That's all though (except folic acid obviously but just seven seas one). I also bought pre seed so will give that a go. This month we are also trying the 'sperm meets egg' plan. I'll have a look at the vitamins and stuff you recommended.

My best friend just got pregnant on cycle 9, which should give me hope but it suddenly feels really lonely to be in this on my own. Fingers crossed it won't be much longer for us all.

Frandler Fri 01-Oct-21 07:27:47

Hi all,

I'm glad I found this post. We're both 33 and been TTC for 10 months, and had nothing but BFNs. I'm at a point that I don't even test during the TWW, I just wait for AF to inevitably arrive to save money but mainly to spare the disappointment.

We've been using OPKS, conceive plus lube (a couple of times) and been taking the standard supplements. I've just started to track my BBT but it's all so confusing 🤦🏻‍♀️

It's so difficult because we are conditioned to believe 'it only takes once' to get pregnant.. and we spend years taking contraception to stop that from happening. It's only when you are TTC that you realise there's a small window of opportunity and chance. Not to say that being careful isn't a good idea! It just messes with your expectation when you finally want to start a family!

We've not yet looked into fertility tests, we're going to wait for the 1 year mark and go from there. We also need to lower our BMI a bit. We recently spoke about other ways to become parents like adoption and although I 100% would, it completely broke my heart.

A few ladies I've spoken to who have been trying for much longer say that the first year is the most difficult, so I think our feelings are valid ❤️ sending you all lots of positivity and fingers crossed we won't have much longer to wait. X

lemondrops99 Fri 01-Oct-21 10:06:27

We tried for 18 months before our BFP. Nothing was wrong, slightly irregular periods but they always came. I was really stressing about it nearing the 12month mark but once it had passed I weirdly relaxed a bit. I'm 33 and husb is 31. Don't be disheartened! I really think acupuncture helped and I really focused on enjoying on our sex life in the months before the bfp rather than doing it for conception. I think that helped too. Good luck!

Farmer98755 Fri 01-Oct-21 10:10:29

7 months and i feel exactly the same! It is so hard sad

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FlyOnTheWall89 Fri 01-Oct-21 10:54:13

@Frandler I have pretty much used that exact wording… we are so often told don’t forget to take a single pill or you’ll be pregnant. I came off the pill in December, started TTC April but nothing and we have regular sex so can’t have missed my O window. I literally just did a big sign. Hoping you all get the BFPs you’re after. There is a part of me that is excited because surely statistically the closer we all get to 1 year trying, the more likely it is to happen. I spoke with the doctor this morning because my last AF was just clots really for 2.5 days. She wasn’t concerned at all. Said really I don’t need a blood test until 1 year of trying. I think I could probably push for one earlier or I’ll just have one privately if I feel the need to book one. For now, we keep going. Xxx

Frandler Fri 01-Oct-21 11:52:57

@FlyOnTheWall89 I know!! It's no wonder we feel like there's something wrong when it doesn't happen instantly. We're trying for #1 so have nothing to go by.

I had a Mirena coil, had it removed end of last year and was told fertility would return almost immediately, but obvs expected it would take a couple of months to fully be back in the game! But yeah... nothing 👎

I hadn't really thought of it the way you had mentioned. I just kept thinking 'God, there's something wrong because it's taken almost a year so far'... but actually, you're right.. we're all past the halfway mark of how long it takes on average. That's going to be my positive thought of the day 😊

Sending you all lots of baby dust and fingers crossed for our BFP x

Sandyseagul Fri 01-Oct-21 11:59:17

I’m in a similar position to you @BritInNZ and finding it really hard.
We started ttc last December, and had absolutely no luck at all.
We had private fertility tests booked a few weeks ago but they were reschedule to the end of October and it’s killing me waiting for these.
We’re both 30, healthy BMI, taking all the vitamins, tracking cycle and ovulation, tried conceive plus lube, I feel like I’m doing everything right and there’s no obvious reason why we aren’t getting a BFP, so I’ve convinced myself there must be something wrong which is adding to the worry. It’s so frustrating but you’re definitely not alone I’m right there with you.
Also CD1 for me today too so feeling extra annoyed and frustrated.

BritInNZ Fri 01-Oct-21 19:20:28

@kmbegs I'm based in New Zealand so I just convinced DH to pay to go privately for tests. For me I wanted to know before we got to the year point in case something could be easily fixed. It included AMH, 21 day bloods, husbands bloods and a sperm analysis. It was equivalent to £150 and worth it for us. The only thing it doesn't check is if I have endo etc. So that will be next thing we have to do when we have our next appointment in January if I'm not pregnant by then 😬

OP’s posts: |
BritInNZ Fri 01-Oct-21 19:21:23

@kmbegs also haven't heard of those supplements. What's the benefit of them? I take so many supplements I'm surprised I don't rattle when I walk 😂 but clearly nothing is working so far!

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BritInNZ Fri 01-Oct-21 19:25:51

@FlyOnTheWall89 welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a part of!

I take folic acid, a daily multi vitamin, EPO or omega 3 depending where I am in my cycle, vitamin D and vitamin C. Clearly nothing has worked so far 😂

I found 6 months a difficult point in the TTC process as that's where they start saying XX% of people will be pregnant within 6 months, so I started worrying something was wrong at that point.

Quite a few of my friends know, especially the ones who also took a while TTC as it's good to get their perspective. It's nice having people to talk to and I want to break down the stigma around talking about it. I won't tell my parents or the in-laws though as I know they're soooo desperate for grandchildren I'd add so much pressure to myself and feel like I'm letting them down.

Good luck for this cycle! Keep us updated x

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BritInNZ Fri 01-Oct-21 19:29:49

@Frandler sorry that you're part of this club! I also track BBT and found it REALLY useful. Actually found out I ovulate much later than I though - so the first six months we followed doctors advice and aimed for around CD14 (I have a 28 day cycle) and then I found out I actually ovulate on day 17 or 18!

What are you finding confusing? I'm no expert but I might be able to help. You basically do your temp every morning at the same time before doing anything. I track using Fertility Friend which uses the data to calculate when you ovulated.

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Bobojangles Fri 01-Oct-21 19:34:41

Don't be disheartened! TTC my no 2 was exactly like this - took 9 months, everyone around me was pregnant and it was so hard and disheartening every month

No 3 took one try (not one cycle, one actual try!) So don't assume there is a reason for it or that it will happen again

BritInNZ Fri 01-Oct-21 19:35:05

@Sandyseagul sorry you're part of this very crappy club 😔

We're also doing everything we can. I don't even bother using pregnancy tests anymore because as soon as my PMS boobs arrive I know my period is on the way. It's quite miserable!

We're both healthy too and the Dr said he can't see any reason why we wouldn't be able to conceive.

I hope your tests come around quickly - not too much longer to wait! What tests do you get done? Does it include a pelvic ultrasound?

When we first started TTC we were making plans and I was like 'oh by then I will be pregnant' and now the plans are here and it's so sad. I am a bridesmaid at my friends wedding in March 2023 and I really want to have had a baby by then but it's looking less likely each month that goes by.

OP’s posts: |
BritInNZ Fri 01-Oct-21 19:36:26

Bobojangles

Don't be disheartened! TTC my no 2 was exactly like this - took 9 months, everyone around me was pregnant and it was so hard and disheartening every month

No 3 took one try (not one cycle, one actual try!) So don't assume there is a reason for it or that it will happen again


Thanks for the reassurance! I feel pretty hopeless each month but like my Dr said - next month could be the month! I think you lose sight of the fact it could happen so soon when you're thinking long game and how long it COULD take rather than positively.

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Lovebug06 Fri 01-Oct-21 19:37:43

It took me 21 cycles.
I found out I had endometriosis a week before I saw my bfp. It was the biggest shock.
I have my scan this week coming.
I had lost hope but it can happen x

tryingforbabyh Fri 01-Oct-21 22:40:28

Same boat here!! Onto cycle 12 and not even a sniff of a BFP. And now the 12 months feels like a sad milestone. We had some private bloods for me and basic semen analysis for him done a few months ago and all normal - my AMH was even excellent for my age. Both 30 and healthy. My BMI is a bit high (size 12/small 14) regular 27-29 day cycles and get my positive OPK between 13 and 15. Feels like it's never going to happen :-(

Brunette1989 Fri 01-Oct-21 22:57:08

Hi all,
I posted a thread a few weeks ago and then came across this one. I know none of us want to be in this boat but it's nice to know we're not alone in how we are feeling.
I too am finding it really hard. We've been trying for about 8 months, we got pregnant in May but lost the baby in June. I had so much hope that it would just be so quick after that but still nothing. Feel like it's impossible to make plans and look forward to anything as I think oh I might be pregnant but then as each month goes by without that it's so draining.
I go through really positive days and really sad days. One of my closest friends has just had her 1st and seeing her become a mummy is so overwhelming. I'm so happy for her but the fear it will never happen scares me unbelievably.
Wishing everyone all the luck in the world xx

Sandyseagul Sat 02-Oct-21 06:35:43

@BritInNZ hopefully we won’t be in this club for too much longer!

I stopped buying tests a few months ago, I became obsessed with testing early and it was a total waste of money. I promised myself I’d only test if AF was actually late one month. No surprise I’ve not bought a test since.

The tests include, pelvic ultrasound, blood tests for me and semen analysis for my husband. They’re quite expensive here I think we are paying around £400 but at this stage I need the peace of mind that hopefully nothing is wrong or if there is anything found we can put it right. How did you find the tests?

Making plans is the worst isn’t it! I’ve tried to stop thinking like that as when they come around it’s an even bigger reminder that you still aren’t pregnant!
We have been putting off booking our honeymoon as I kept worrying that I’d be pregnant by then but we have actually just booked it for Feb. I think trying to still make plans and keep a normal life is so important (for me anyway) otherwise it becomes so consuming.

Ah how lovely to be a bridesmaid. March 2023 is still quite a while away, you never know when will be your month! Fingers crossed for you that it will be soon.

lemondrops99 Sat 02-Oct-21 10:20:03

BritInNZ

*@FlyOnTheWall89* welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a part of!

I take folic acid, a daily multi vitamin, EPO or omega 3 depending where I am in my cycle, vitamin D and vitamin C. Clearly nothing has worked so far 😂

I found 6 months a difficult point in the TTC process as that's where they start saying XX% of people will be pregnant within 6 months, so I started worrying something was wrong at that point.

Quite a few of my friends know, especially the ones who also took a while TTC as it's good to get their perspective. It's nice having people to talk to and I want to break down the stigma around talking about it. I won't tell my parents or the in-laws though as I know they're soooo desperate for grandchildren I'd add so much pressure to myself and feel like I'm letting them down.

Good luck for this cycle! Keep us updated x

I would take out the EPO if I were you, crammed full of omega 6 which is really prevalent in our modern diets and puts our omega 3 to 6 ratio out causing inflammation. I worked on addressing this and had success.

Learn more here: open.spotify.com/episode/1uFyjnBYJAjPDfpxZU4Oer?si=v6wRGfMCRQOw4rtA2L5zAw&utm_source=copy-link&dl_branch=1

Another super supplement is Ubiquinol (not ubiquinone) it is extremely expensive but is what they would tell you take at a private clinic.

FlyOnTheWall89 Sat 02-Oct-21 10:50:58

Hi @lemondrops99 - I have read about these supplements. You sound like maybe you’ve had advice in the past. Do you think these are okay? XX

FlyOnTheWall89 Sat 02-Oct-21 10:52:53

@Sandyseagul are you UK based? This is the price I was expecting it to be for some initial investigations. X

elenacampana Sat 02-Oct-21 11:03:05

It took 19 cycles for us - our baby is due in 4.5 weeks. It was probably the hardest time of my adult life and really drained me. I felt like everyone else was sailing through TTC too and had to deal with so many pregnancy announcements, that I found really tough. I learned through MN and talking with people in my daily life that delays like this are so much more common than we realise. Someone else I know who’s been trying for at least a year just told me this morning that she’s 3 months along now too.

I won’t give any advice, but will say that you’re not by yourself in this.

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