Hi All,
I'm new to Mumsnet, so, "Hello!" 
I discovered this site whilst mindlessly 'Googling' and thought I may as well reach out in case someone else has been through - or is going through - what I am right now; with the gift of anonymity, to avoid getting family and friends excited for potentially no reason! Also, apologies if I get any abbreviations wrong 
TL:DR - No proper AF since Oct 2020 ('mini' AF in Nov 2020), 8 BFN HPTs, had BTs at GP surgery & anxiously awaiting results, hoping someone can relate!
Our story: BF and I decided not to put pressure on TTC, to DTD without protection and leave the rest up to fate - our relationship is wonderful (after I suffered through an awful, abusive marriage that ended because he had an affair; got divorced a year before I met my BF) we're in a comfortable position emotionally, financially and otherwise, we'd both love to have children and neither of us are getting any younger BF suffered a devastating loss with his ex after their daughter was sadly stillborn at 6 months (he has no other children), and whilst he's intent on looking forward/remaining positive, I admit it still haunts me and I wish he'd talk about it as I know the worry is still there for him about future pregnancies as he's extra cautious with me (I've never been PG before, nor did I wish to afflict my ex-husband on any potential children because he was abusive), but my BF doesnt ever want to talk about it (likely because it's too painful) and I'm never going to force him to; I'd just like to know whether it's something that might put any pregnancies of mine at risk, though I trust that he'd never knowingly put me (or our potential children) in danger. So, in case you hadn't already noted, I overthink everything - and I mean everything. That, of course, leads to high stress levels (Though I've always been a stressy person, and that's never affected AF before...)
Our adventure began in Sept 2020, and my AF for Oct was over a week late and was horrific - not like me at all! Next 'AF' was 5 days late in Nov 2020, but happened immediately after DTD and was nothing like a normal AF; only lasted 2 days and wasn't accompanied by the usual cramping or irritability. No sign of AF since.
I've done 8 HPTs (of 3 different brands) spread over intervals of at least a week since AF was late in Oct 2020, all of which have BFN.
I have emetophobia, so nausea is nothing unusual; though from Nov until around 2 weeks ago I found myself getting horribly nauseous in the evenings at around 7pm-10pm, then feeling absolutely ravenous from around 11pm-1am every night - not like me, at all! Whilst watching a gross scene in a film can trigger my phobic anxiety and make me feel nauseated, it takes a lot for me to feel hungry as I used to work 12 hour shifts most days a week without time for a break (now I work for myself I don't have breaks but do eat more healthily). Nightly nausea seems to have gone away, but I'm still finding myself falling asleep hungry (I'm very conscious about my weight and eating late is a no-go), though I've also been waking up in the middle of the night every so often with heartburn; something I've never had before, it even triggered a mini phobia-related panic attack the first time I experienced it!
I have put weight on in my abdomen area, which I initially attributed to bloating (you know, from being hungry yet refusing to eat late). It felt a little like a half-inflated balloon originally, though it's recently started getting rounder and now feels like (for lack of a better description) there's a little tennis ball in the lower section 
What's worse is my abdomen area keeps getting bigger, whilst I'm not putting on weight anywhere else - although, my boobs are definitely 'heavier' (and really tender sometimes!); I've had to purchase a few bras online in a bigger cup size than I normally wear. For the last 3 weeks or so, I get these weird but mild 'twinges' in my abdomen area on odd occasions - not like PMS cramping, it's hard to explain, the sensations seem to be primarily along either side of my abdomen, like a 'stretching' or very light cramping feeling, and it lasts for 2 minutes at a time before fading away.
Other than feeling a little faint from time to time, I'm absolutely fine - though I'm being really careful, just in case.
GP ordered blood tests, as he said he wants to check for absolutely every scenario - didn't seem concerned about pregnancy whatsoever, even said I could carry on living life as normal (I don't drink alcohol and don't smoke anyway, which he knows); I've been sensible and stopped riding my (very naughty!) horses, again, just in case (overthinking has a lot to do with that decision, given my BF's past experiences and my fear of putting a precious life at risk). I was told BT results take 48hrs, but when I called, the receptionist couldn't tell me anything apparently All she said was the GP insisted I be booked for a telephone consultation 8 days later - which will be Friday afternoon.
BF fully believes I'm PG, though I'm airing on the side of caution in case I'm not - I don't want to get his (or my) hopes up, only to have them dashed. It's totally unlike me to miss AF, though whilst I feel 'different' within myself, having never been PG before I have no idea what to think, feel, or expect I've been assuming that I can't possibly have tested positive for pregnancy in the BTs, because I'd assume a GP would have a duty of care to inform me immediately if I were PG so I didn't do anything stupid - or is that a misguided assumption given the current pandemic pressures the NHS are under?
Please share your stories with me, to take my mind off the wait!
Thanks in advance
When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.
Conception
8 Negative HPTs since October 2020, Still no AF, Awaiting GP BT Results - Please Share Similar Stories!
Equestre · 09/02/2021 23:32
Thank you both!
I will let you know the results on Friday, then, depending on what those results are, I may delete this new Mumsnet account - there's a chance I may not need to use it if it turns out I'm definitely not pregnant and have ovarian cysts, or a thyroid problem, or something else is wrong that has possibly caused these strange symptoms and lack of AF
Thank you WineInTheWillows, that's really kind
So, after an extremely anxious wait - and over two and a half hours spent staring at my phone, the GP called and went through my blood test results. Apparently, they tested for many different things and assured me that I don't have PCOS, I'm not suffering from an early menopause, I don't have thyroid problems, and my hormone balance is "perfect", aside the fact that my progesterone levels are a "little low" - which he attributed to the fact I can't have ovulated when I had the blood tests taken. He said as far as my results were concerned, I should be experiencing normal monthly cycles. When I asked whether they tested for pregnancy (since the nurse/phlebotomist who did the blood test assured me pregnancy was once of the things they were testing for), he stated "No. We've completely ruled out pregnancy because you've had negative home pregnancy tests which provide extremely accurate results." He said I was absolutely fine to do everything I enjoy as I'm not overweight, I have an active lifestyle, and my blood tests suggest I'm perfectly healthy - he even said it was fine for me to ride my horses again even though they have a tendency to misbehave. I have to call the GP back if no AF in 2 months, once I've missed 4 cycles, and he'll refer me to a gynaecologist who will likely arrange an ultrasound scan. He said he normally doesn't refer patients for fertility treatments until they've been trying unsuccessfully for over a year, but because I'm in such good health he'd be happy to have that conversation with my BF and I after a few months. The GP dismissed my symptoms, reiterating that my test results were all normal, fine and healthy.
My BF is adamant I'm PG, and though I genuinely do feel 'different' within myself, I've tried to explain that given all this it's highly unlikely I can be. It's disappointing because I've been exceedingly careful about not lifting heavy objects or over-exerting myself, I even stopped riding my horses for the last 2 months 'just in case', yet I can't reasonably justify 'taking things easy' anymore My BF thinks we should get a private ultrasound scan done, though I'm not sure whether I should just try getting on with returning to being super active and losing the weight that's appeared around my abdomen area I worry that my BF is clinging onto false hope because he so desperately wants me to be PG, and I just know I'm going to feel absolutely terrible when AF happens 
Thank you both for reading my story so far Maybe I will stay on Mumsmet for now, perhaps having my story out there might help someone else...
Thanks again!
Thank you both!
My BF has basically said the same as both of you, not to go riding until we are 100% certain I'm not pregnant and don't have a cyst or anything else that could be causing everything. So, I've contacted a local private hospital who offer diagnostic ultrasound consultations - hopefully I'll receive a response from them soon along with an appointment
The weather is super cold at the moment, I wouldn't ride my horses in it anyway; so I'll be careful, but I am going to try allowing myself a little normality and try to stop being so overly cautious in case that's actually been stressing me out more and playing havoc with my cycles (Although, when I asked the GP about whether the stress of it all could be the cause, he seemed to rule it out as the culprit based on my blood test results )
Thank you all ever so much once again, and I will keep you all updated as best I can
(P.S. Please take care in this freezing weather we're having! Hope your horses are staying safe and well too )
Thank you all
RedPanda21 - I was on the pill, then we used condoms for 6 months while my cycles settled (which happened straight away). That's interesting, thanks for letting me know!
WineInTheWillows and halfwaythrough2 - I agree, I do need a scan to confirm what's going on. It's extremely odd that all of this has happened pretty much immediately we started trying At least if I find out what it is I can get get treatment for it now, and it's not like we've been trying for years without an answer; there's a reason for everything and although I am an overthinker and generally stressy person, I do still try to see the positives when something seems negative
I'll let you know what they find, though I imagine there'll be a wait because of the coronavirus situation... Thanks again everyone!
So, here's a little update...
I've received a response from the local private hospital, and they informed me that they require a referral from my GP to make an appointment for an ultrasound consultation. Considering my GP doesn't believe I'm pregnant (based entirely on the result of HPTs) and he informed me that I don't have ovarian cysts (because he explained he'd have noted hormonal imbalance in my blood test results if that was a possibility), I cannot move forward with discovering the reason for my strange lack of AF (coincidentally, since my BF and I started trying) until a further 2 months have passed.
Therefore, I'm going to just have to get on with life as best I can and try not to think about it. I cannot reasonably justify holding back from my normal activities anymore (such as riding my horses), because that will have a potentially detrimental impact on others (again, my horses really need exercise). Who knows, maybe I'll lose the weight I've bizarrely gained in my abdomen area, or perhaps AF might return randomly, in the next 2 months? I will continue to be mindful of my actions and won't overdo anything if I can possibly help it, but I really need to move on because I'm really starting to feel overwhelmed and saddened by the situation (it's not like we can continue actively trying either because there's absolutely no cycle to track or any sort of idea about what's happening to me ).
I am also definitely going to try not to get too emotional when scrolling through social media and seeing soooo many couples - including some who are awfully unhealthy and obviously don't look after themselves - with happy, healthy babies. I'm aware my situation could be far worse, and I am beyond grateful that I'm in the position I'm in with regard to having a wonderful relationship with my BF, a loving home, a fantastic support network (whom I unfortunately cannot discuss this with in case they get their hopes up only to be disappointed), and being successful at a job most could only dream of. However, I am only human, and as such, whilst I wish I didn't feel so frustrated, I still do and I still feel a little like I'm failing before even really getting started on the journey to potential parenthood
Anyway, thank you all for your advice and thank you for reading this far if you've managed it! I intend to update this thread with whatever happens, just so anyone in a similar situation who's mindlessly 'Googling' and getting nowhere (as I was!) might find my experiences helpful
Thank you so very much eloiseislost and Crazydoglady123!!
I agree, I don't think I'm pregnant (though my BF so desperately wants me to be ); I'm just frustrated that my GP seems to think so little of my concerns, considering all this is totally new to me However, I will certainly look into those ultrasound clinics and I'll keep you updated on whatever happens!
I'm considering trying to go back to normal to see if AF returns when I'm not so anxious or overthinking everything, though I obviously have to respect what my BF would like to do and he's keen for me to book an ultrasound scan if possible - so if we decide to do so, I'll let you know what the result is, so at least my situation might be able to help prevent someone else feeling lonely whilst stuck in limbo
Thank you all ever so much once again! I'm so pleased I shared my story and stayed on Mumsnet after all
(Who knew embarking on an adventure that's supposed to be the most natural experience in the world could be so confusingly, frustratingly, bizarre? Thank you all again! )
Hi @eloiseislost
So, my BF and I decided to wait a little longer before getting an ultrasound done, since there seems to be a wait to book anything at the moment anyway. Lockdown is easing in the next few weeks, so we decided I should go back to my normal activities as sensibly and safely as possible, and book an ultrasound scan if there's still no sign of AF in the next few weeks.
However, last week I started getting menstrual-like cramps; in fact, one evening they were so horrendous I almost fainted (would have passed out if I didn't lay flat on my back on my bed with the window open!). Contacted my GP surgery the following morning, and the receptionist explained that my usual GP was on annual leave and there was a couple of weeks' wait for an appointment with a different GP (I decided it would be a waste of everyone's time to book an appointment in a couple of weeks, since my GP said to contact him if no AF in a few weeks anyway) - so I figured the cramping was likely to have been my well overdue menstrual cycle returning, signalled impending doom, and I prepared for AF to happen at any moment.
After 5 days or so of cramping, sometimes painful enough to wake me up during the night, I noticed something unusual that I assumed was the start of AF (TMI warning: a very tiny amount of brown blood - sorry! ). Fully expecting to wake up to AF this morning, there was absolutely no sign of anything whatsoever - and the cramping had stopped. Then, after a very busy day full of strenuous exercise and general activities that involved heavy lifting, such as the weekly shop, there was another instance this evening accompanied by a brief, stitch-like pain in my right side; then nothing again.
So, basically, I'm still none the wiser as to what's going on
I promise I'll keep you updated no-matter what's wrong with me, because I'd like to be able to help others going through experiences like mine
Hope all is well with you!
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
As of this morning, I finally have an answer...
Throughout yesterday, from around 2:30am, I experienced what I can only describe as waves of excruciating pain accompanied by horrendously heavy bleeding. I believed I was experiencing a terrible AF because of the months of build-up without any sign of AF. I was relieved when I managed to fall asleep around 1am this morning.
Unfortunately, at around 7:30am, I had one last wave of cramping and miscarried what appeared to be a teeny tiny, undeveloped fetus amidst a (apologies for TMI!) mass or clot containing lots of tissue, blood, and perhaps the remains of what would have been a sac - I took a photograph for the GP and my BF observed it as I'd called for him in a panic, but we didn't look at it in too much depth because I was in a state of shock at producing something that appeared as though it should've been in a horror film. I managed to call the GP after an hour of sobbing, and the receptionist was lovely - advised me she'd get a GP to call me back as soon as possible, but to call them back or call an ambulance if I experienced severe pain or profuse bleeding again; though weirdly, absolutely all the cramping and discomfort disappeared the moment I delivered that 'mass' and the bleeding lessened drastically. Still haven't been able to bring myself to eat, drink, or do much today though
A different GP to the one I've been dealing with called at around 4:30pm, and said that it definitely sounds like I had a miscarriage (15 days since the cramping/spotting started fits in with the timeline of a natural miscarriage apparently), though due to the negative tests they couldn't suggest any answers as to why it happened or how many weeks pregnant I was. He said that since all the symptoms have now disappeared (including the cramping, heavy bleeding, abdominal bloating, and that little tennis ball lump I used to be able to feel), there was no need to go to hospital as it sounded as though the miscarriage was over. He said to go ahead with the ultrasound appointment within the next 2-3 months just in case there's anything underlying, though he believes that the disappearance of symptoms means whatever the issue was has likely gone. The GP suggests allowing my cycles to return to normal, then start TTC properly after 2 steady cycles.
Sadly not a positive end to this story, though at least we have an answer. I'll never know why all that happened happened, but I've been assured that there was absolutely nothing I could have done differently to have avoided the devastating outcome.
Thank you all for reading and I hope my story helps someone else.
Thank you @eloiseislost - I'm so sorry for your loss too
I suppose it's an experience that can be used to help others moving forward, which is what I try to do whenever I've been through something devastating or traumatic. Hopefully, sometime in the near future, there will come a day when all pregnancy losses, miscarriages, and stillbirths are traumas of the past.
Thank you again for your support, I really appreciate it - I wish you well in your journey too; at least we'll be able to revel in the joy of new life in a more profound way because of the losses we've experienced
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.