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Partner suddenly can’t ‘perform’

(13 Posts)
Allthepenguins Wed 18-Nov-20 15:35:55

We have been TTC for 3 months. My partner has a much higher sex drive than me and never has any issues. Now when we try he either can’t get an erection or can’t finish. He says it’s the pressure and it’s causing a block in his mind. I’m taking it as though really, he doesn’t want another baby with me. Is this common, has anyone else been through this?
And of course at the moment every (wo)man and his dog seem to be expecting..

OP’s posts: |
KarmaNoMore Wed 18-Nov-20 15:39:24

OP, just looking at your post I can see why he can find it difficult, he feels under pressure and when he asks for a break you immediately assume he doesn’t want another baby with you?

It may be a good idea to leave it for a while before the pressure of having a baby affects your relationship.

Allthepenguins Wed 18-Nov-20 15:47:23

@KarmaNoMore think I need to stop taking things to heart. Thank you x

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AnxiousAnnie86 Wed 18-Nov-20 16:22:27

@Allthepenguins I think it does put a lot of pressure on men too, they know how crucial it is and it's like having a voice in their mind saying do it do it do it, my husband had a couple of months where he couldn't mission complete, and I tried to not bring it up as I knew how much it must of been stressing him out x

Allthepenguins Wed 18-Nov-20 16:31:03

Thanks everyone. I’m just hoping as I have tracking details and proof it has arrived, plus the fact that I refunded her through the open case she started against me, might mean I have a leg to stand on. It says on eBay that I’ve refunded the buyer but the tracking also says delivered now.

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Allthepenguins Wed 18-Nov-20 17:01:33

Wrong thread, sorry!
Mission complete haha I like that saying! It must be more common than I realised then. I won’t mention when it’s the time to DTD from now on and just hope he doesn’t realise why haha.

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AnxiousAnnie86 Wed 18-Nov-20 17:39:25

@Allthepenguins my husband genuinely got so stressed out about it, it definitely became a "thing" for him x

galatea098 Wed 18-Nov-20 17:46:27

This kinda happened to me - thinking back, I put a lot of emphasis on the fertile week and DH felt very pressured and struggled to mission complete so to speak! Never had any issues in 10 years before. He said he’d rather not know about fertile week (unless I wanted to talk about it for whatever reason) so we decided just to DTD every 2-3 days instead of trying to overly schedule it and no problems since. For him it was defo a mental block. Have a chat to him and see whether a similar approach could help? Xx

KateColx Wed 18-Nov-20 19:20:40

Hi, we had this at a similar time to you. I think I'd put a lot of focus around the fertile week so he knew it was then that it needed to happen. In the end I decided to take a break, stopped doing OPKs etc and just chilled out. We ended up missing two months really, but the month we just enjoyed ourselves and had sex when we wanted to we actually got pregnant ☺️ x

Allthepenguins Wed 18-Nov-20 19:29:13

Thanks everyone! That’s interesting @KateColx! I think I’m just going to lay off the whole thing for a while and not mention it to him. Clearly if others have had the same issue it’s not something I should be taking personally!

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thinkingoutloud4 Wed 18-Nov-20 20:53:29

@Allthepenguins hi OP! 👋
My DP and I are going through the same thing.. I'm tracking my ovulation with OPKS so he knew when I was ovulating and therefore felt pressured!

We have decided that going forward I don't tell him when I get my positive OPK and will just continue to DTD - that way he doesn't feel so pressured to perform. X

HipHipHooray7 Wed 18-Nov-20 22:27:28

Hi OP, had exactly the same issue. I think all the tracking takes spontaneity out of it too and turns into having sex for a purpose which takes the pleasure out of it. He has always had quite a high sex drive and started feeling like he was avoiding it, and also had a few instances of mission incomplete which had never happened in our 12 year relationship. This month I stopped temping (did a sneaky few Lh tests without him knowing though so know roughly when I ovulated). It has been so much better with the pressure eased. We have been having better sex and I don't feel it is consuming my life quite as much.

Allthepenguins Fri 20-Nov-20 09:26:36

@HipHipHooray7 I’m glad to hear it seems like it’s a common thing and not something I should be taking personally! I think I just won’t mention it to him anymore like you, and just relax about it.

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