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My partner no longer wants to try for a baby

(8 Posts)
Chascha18 Sat 31-Oct-20 09:45:58

So in January this year, I lost a baby due to an abusive relationship and domestic violence. I've never really got over it although I've tried counselling and self-help books.
Since then, I'm in a new relationship. We've been together 3 months and I'm 18, he's 28. He's always wanted to have a child because he is nearly 30 and his mother is terminally ill so he wanted her to meet her grandchild. I've always wanted to have a child even more since losing my daughter this year. I know I'm young and I know that we haven't been together long but it's just on my mind constantly.
This past week he's been acting really strangely and wouldn't have sex with me and I couldn't work out why.
This morning he admitted that he didn't want a baby anymore at the moment because he wants a new job and a new place to live. I understand this. But I am just devastated that he went from trying for a baby to the opposite without even telling me. I just don't know how to react. What should I do?

OP’s posts: |
Hayeahnobut Sat 31-Oct-20 09:52:06

Take a step back, you barely know this man. He might be your forever partner but it's far too early to know.

Do you think you are mourning the loss of your daughter? Speak to your GP about getting some support for that, and the trauma that you've been through.

Focus on healing yourself at the moment. The rest will come when the time is right.

ArtichokeAardvark Sat 31-Oct-20 09:57:36

You are rushing this. The age gap isn't an issue, but trying for a baby when you're in a relationship of only 3 months is crazy. It sounds as though you want a baby because of your loss flowers not because you want a baby with this man. Please please rethink.

I also think that he is right to wait if he's planning on moving jobs etc, we are about to enter some extremely hard times and his job security in a new role will be nil.

ShalomToYouJackie Sat 31-Oct-20 10:01:04

Since then, I'm in a new relationship. We've been together 3 months and I'm 18, he's 28

This really isn't a good idea OP! You're very young and you've known him 12 weeks, it's an awful idea to have a child with someone so soon, you don't know him. I do understand the feeling of being desperate to be pregnant again after a loss but I think you need to take a step back, work on yourself, maybe get some counselling to deal with your loss and previous relationship before trying again and also make sure you're in a solid relationship with someone you've known for a while before having a child with them.

bitheby Sat 31-Oct-20 10:45:59

If you conceive with him you will be in each other's lives for decades even if the relationship fails. It's far far too early to start a family with a man you hardly know. You have time on your side - plenty of time to get to know someone and create a stable family.

I'm sorry for your loss but please focus on grieving and not rushing to create a family in less than ideal circumstances.

interest12 Sat 31-Oct-20 11:00:07

You've been together 3 months!!! That's not a partner, that's dating. This is ridiculous. You're 18...do something with your life. Have a career, study, establish a proper solid relationship first.

ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes Sat 31-Oct-20 11:05:51

I’m sorry for your loss OP

Please listen to the women on here. I and so many others have learned that the man you have children with is possibly the biggest decision of your life. It can have catastrophic consequences if he turns out to be useless/abusive.

You must slow down, for yourself and your future children

Smallsteps88 Sat 31-Oct-20 11:13:32

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

I think you need some more counselling to help you recover as wanting a baby with a very new partner at 18 isn’t healthy. It’s grief. Your partner is absolutely right to stop this now. It’s the right and decent thing to do. Anyone who cares for you wouldn’t want you to have a baby in these circumstances.

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