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How long did it take you to conceive first? 4th cycle trying and AF is here :(

(60 Posts)
AKcheer Mon 19-Oct-20 16:05:56

Feel so bummed guys. I thought this was the month. This is really hard and starting to stress me out. I feel so alone in this right now to be honest. I’m 30, hubby is a couple years older we’re quite healthy. We’ve been trying for 4 months now and nothing. Does anyone have any advice or any hints and tips because I’m super bummed. I also feel like I have no one to talk to about this. My AF has just literally come sad so sad. Anyone in the same sort of position as me?

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emiliet123 Mon 19-Oct-20 16:28:54

Oh i feel for you! We took 5 cycles first time, but it ended with a loss at 24 weeks in January, and despite trying ever since, no luck! I'm due tomorrow or Wednesday (my cycles have been varying massively since I was pregnant) so I'm feeling pretty low too, with no signs of anything as of yet!

Sorry I don't have a happier story to share with you but just hope you don't feel alone in it all. I have found that not keeping notes (or tracking on Clue) other than when my period starts/ends has been hugely helpful in terms of my mental health, although I know it probably isn't so helpful for TTC. I just can't bear to do so many tests and keep getting BFNs until my period arrives. Ultimately, my period will come or it won't - and as difficult as it has been to get to this stage, I feel a million times happier in myself, and I know my husband is pleased the pressure is (sort of) off! Not what you want to hear, I know. But you need to look after your mental health, it's tough enough at the moment without putting more pressure on yourself.

Nam095 Mon 19-Oct-20 16:29:41

@AKcheer hey! I think we may have spoken with each other on another thread last cycle 😁 I’m on my 4th cycle as well, fairly young and don’t have any major health issues that I feel would impact my chances so I too am just feeling really disappointed. I’m currently in another TWW, 8dpo but I can feel AF cramps like I usually do when AF is coming, I have a 12 LP so she’s not that far away! Just makes you think you’re doing something wrong doesn’t it? It’s so draining

AKcheer Mon 19-Oct-20 16:45:52

@emiliet123 Hey! Oh no I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. 24 weeks - that must have been so hard, I’m really sorry sad. I have heard once you get pregnant your AF is all over the shop after but fingers crossed it will get back to normal and come in the next couple days. We will the. Be AF buddies 😁

That’s really interesting to be honest - adding notes and keep looking back at them really does get me down and I symptom spot on like 12/13DPO which is so annoying. Maybe that’s what I should try. How do you plan when to DTD or do you just not plan? That’s good to hear it sounds more relaxed with you.

@Nam095 Hey I remember you!! Oh man damn that AF. When will luck come our way? How are you coping at the moment? It’s hard isn’t it everywhere says AF symptoms are also similar to preg symptoms. It is so draining and I try to be positive but I just went to cry right now.

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Nat4392 Mon 19-Oct-20 20:07:12

It took me 14 cycles aged 28. It’s the most awful time and I feel you. You do everything right and it’s so frustrating when it doesn’t work. I tried a new fertility fad every month, it completely took over my life. Just keep going, have a cry when AF arrives and move onto the next month, it’s so hard but you will get there ❤️

ivftake1 Mon 19-Oct-20 20:19:40

1 month for first and still trying after 18 months for the second.

4 months isn't a long time yet smile

DoctorBambino Mon 19-Oct-20 20:22:31

5 months but sadly ended in a ruptured ectopic so I'm now one tube down and back on cycle 1. Ttc is a real shitter. Good luck!

Nam095 Mon 19-Oct-20 20:23:48

@AKcheer I’ve actually been much more relaxed this cycle, then as soon as I got to about 4dpo I started acting psycho again lol. I’ve been trying to distract myself from symptom spotting but it’s really hard.

Aw I know what you mean, I always have a little cry whenever AF arrives. It just completely takes it out of you. I hope next month will be your month and I have everything crossed for you! 🤞🏼

ShowOfHands Mon 19-Oct-20 20:25:11

14 months and 2 losses.

It's normal for it to take 6-12 months as chances of conception are never more than around 25%.

Hang in there and good luck.

Level75 Mon 19-Oct-20 20:35:11

46 cycles and 6 rounds of ivf

DramaAlpaca Mon 19-Oct-20 20:36:14

It took me 11 months. Hang on in there, OP.

AKcheer Mon 19-Oct-20 21:58:51

@Nat4392 It is so frustrating. And every cycle you feel like your doing something wrong when it doesn’t work. I feel like this is taking over my life too. I’m trying to hang in there and stay positive but it’s so hard!! How many kiddies do you have xx

@ivftake1 Oh wow number 1 happened so quick! Hopefully not much longer for number 2! How do you stay sane?

@DoctorBambino Oh no I’m so sorry to hear that sad that’s so sad. It really is a shitter (love this word!!)

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AKcheer Mon 19-Oct-20 22:04:33

@Nam095 Aww good to hear it at least started of relaxed!!! I think I’m good until about 11DPO then I start freaking out and every ache and pain (or my head thinks) I symptom spot and go crazy!! Think il have to have my cry and carry on. Are you 4dpo now or more? I have everything crossed for you too!! Keep me updated with your journey please Xx

@ShowOfHands Hey I’m sorry to hear about your losses sad I have heard about the 25% chance but I didn’t know if that was true. I’m trying to hang in there!!

@Level75 Oh wow and did you get your little bean??

@DramaAlpaca Ahh thanks for sharing. Trying to hang in there and trying to stay positive but it’s hard!! How did you stay positive?

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MrsB2019x Mon 19-Oct-20 22:04:39

Hey, I’m 29 so not much younger than you ☺️ We conceived on the 6th cycle but that ended in an ectopic, that was back in April. Nothing since then though! Hang in there, it’s super tough 💙

AKcheer Mon 19-Oct-20 22:19:02

Hey @MrsB2019x how are you? Oh no I’m sorry to hear that sad have you been trying since April when we’re you able to start straight away? How you feeling about it now? X

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Ponyolikesham Mon 19-Oct-20 22:29:07

With DC1 I got pregnant in the first cycle. I didn’t know when I ovulated or anything like that. But we suddenly decided to start trying for a baby and a few weeks later I was pregnant.

We’ve been trying for baby no.2 and will be going in to cycle 8 if AF eventually comes (been cramping for days now and I’m just waiting for it to happen). I thought it would happen quickly like the first time.

Its heartbreaking having the same disappointment each month. And I just want someone to be able to tell me what the problem is, or what we should be doing differently.

elenacampana Mon 19-Oct-20 22:29:49

We started Sept 2019. Since had one mc and took a three month break to de-stress and lose some weight, last count was 1.5st off.

I was feeling hopeful this month, more like I did late last year but the first thing I saw this morning was my period.

It’s really tough, but works out for most. Hang in there :-)

MrsB2019x Mon 19-Oct-20 22:30:25

No, we had to wait 3 cycles before trying because of the treatment but we weren’t exactly careful on the last month 🙈 We’re both kind of struggling with it atm because I came off the pill a year ago now, we didn’t think it would take this long. But I’ve stopped doing OPK’s and tracking symptoms to (try!) and have a more relaxed approach about it. I really hope you get your BFP soon! 💙

Bumble84 Mon 19-Oct-20 22:41:16

18months. Got referred for IVF and then it happened naturally in the end. 4 cycles isn’t that long really although it might feel it. Keep in mind that’s only 4 times you’ve had a go at it.

Nat4392 Tue 20-Oct-20 08:13:08

@AKcheer I’m 8 weeks pregnant with my first so it’s still very new

Izzie94 Tue 20-Oct-20 08:39:31

@AKcheer I’m 26, and on our 10th cycle. DH is 32, we’re both healthy and I’ve had private fertility checks and all is “as it should be!”

I really feel your pain. I’ve found being more positive recently has helped massively (I know it’s tough and CD1 is the worst!) but treat yourself to something you like, even if it’s just a glass of wine and some chocolates. It really helps! I’ve said on other threads, people in real life are quick to tell you about how quick it was for them, but you never really hear about the ones which are normal to take 12 months +! Sending you baby dust, and mumsnet is always such a good place to come to hear from ladies in the same situation x

ciara87777 Tue 20-Oct-20 09:15:30

I'm feeling exactly the same as you. Af arrived yesterday and id really convinced myself this was our month as I had super sore boobs and that never happens, plus I've been poorly. I know how you're feeling, I had a huge cry and let myself get it all out.
I had my implant removed in March and still nothing.

Would like to remind people that commenting '4 months isn't even that long' is absolutely not helpful to anyone and is very frustrating, however long you've been trying is too long especially with your first.


emiliet123 Tue 20-Oct-20 09:20:43

@AKcheer I've got my husband to download Clue and invited him to view my cycle - so I don't have to plan! He knows when my fertile week is, I know it as well and we both just make more of an effort with each other during that time! We did the whole "right we have to have sex twice today and eight hours apart to get the best sperm" thing and honestly it felt so.. ehhh! I wasn't hugely turned on because it was just in the back of my mind the whole time. It was getting him down too, so we just had a heart to heart about enjoying each other more, and since then it's been great! We've got one eye on the fertile window but our focus is on each other. smile

Like I say, it's not the best way scientifically I'm sure, and we might have more luck if I start temping and tracking but honestly, that stress is the last thing I need. Plus, him knowing when I'm due on without me having to spell it out is brilliant because he is so much more patient with mood swings and the inevitable crash when it arrives.

emiliet123 Tue 20-Oct-20 09:25:30

@AKcheer My doctor also said last time round that he found having a blazing row and then having make-up sex is the way forward. I was only there for migraine pills and mentioned in passing I was getting them cos I'd come off the pill as we were trying! I then got a lesson in "how babies are made"... So I mean if that doesn't make you cringe then I don't know what will.

AKcheer Tue 20-Oct-20 09:29:14

@Ponyolikesham that’s the nice and beat way. No OPKs no monitoring and a baby happens!! Amazing! Aww I know exactly how you feel. It is really hardI just want someone to say if you do this you’ll be pregnant sad wish it was easier.

Hey @elenacampana I’m really sorry to hear about your MC. Having a little while off to detox is nice and 1.5 stone? That’s amazing well done. Uh hate when AF arrives. Let’s hope and cross fingers for each and everyone of us. 2020 has to have a good ending for us right??

@MrsB2019x Yeah I can imagine. Yout have to go with the flow. I think if it doesn’t happen in a couple months I might stop opk and al that shabang and see what happens. Might help me feel relaxed. Thank you - hope you get yours too ❤️❤️❤️

@Bumble84 Oh wow - love how it happened naturally ❤️ So nice to hear

@Nat4392 oh wow! How are you feeling?

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