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Advice for TTC after miscarriage

(16 Posts)
Cafeaulait27 Thu 08-Oct-20 14:14:10

Hi everyone. I’ve just had it sort of confirmed that my baby has no heartbeat and I will miscarry over the next few weeks. I’m 9 weeks but it seemed to have stopped growing at 6 Weeks, even though it initially had a heartbeat on a private scan just before it must’ve stopped. I have to go back for another scan in 10 days but it’s just a formality because it was so small, and to check everything has passed.

This was my first pregnancy and we are devastated. It’s obviously really fresh as we just had the scan today, even though we had a bad feeling for the past few days.

I know it’s really soon but I would love some advice from anyone who has been through this on TTC again. We would like to start trying again as soon as this is over as devastating as it is.

Would love to hear from you if you’d like to share. I guess now I’m one of those people hoping for a rainbow baby. Thank you xx

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Cafeaulait27 Thu 08-Oct-20 14:31:20

I should also mention I have pcos, but regular cycles thanks to metformin.

I can’t help but think it all went wrong because of my pcos and it’s going to be a horrible road ahead. I felt like we got so lucky when I got pregnant naturally but it wasn’t to be this time...

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sarahc336 Thu 08-Oct-20 15:08:19

Sorry to hear about your loss. I had a Mc at 7 weeks last nov and then got a bfp again on my 4th cycle after. We started trying straight away as my cycle seemed to go back to normal straight away. Make sure you get a negative pregnancy test before you do start to try again though and good luck xx

Cafeaulait27 Thu 08-Oct-20 15:45:41

@sarahc336 thank you ❤️ And thank you for the advice.

I’m sorry for your loss. How far along are you now with your current pregnancy?

I keep crying. Just cried again after texting the news to my midwife when she replied saying she was sorry. I only had my Booking appointment Last week and it was all so exciting...

I’m really scared now that because of my pcos I’m just going to keep having miscarriages ☹️

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sarahc336 Thu 08-Oct-20 16:49:20

I don't have pcos myself but I have several friends who have it and they don't seem to be affected my repeated Mc, I don't think the two are linked are they? Mc although horrendous are actually very common and most women go on to have healthy pregnancies afterwards, it's understandable to feel awful at the moment but please don't worry that this will be the way forever. Being on this forum will hopefully help you to see that lots of us have been in a similar situation and still go on to get a further bfp. I'm now due in 6 weeks, thank you for asking ☺️ take care xx

GazingAndGrazing Thu 08-Oct-20 16:52:04

Personally from bitter experience I would say, take time to heal both physically and emotionally. Become healthy and happy again, look after each other and after then try again.

Best wishes

BeansOnToastWithCheese Thu 08-Oct-20 18:04:20

I had surgical management of a MMC this morning. It was grim, and very sad but I know I'm lucky I had the option given COVID.

I found out at a private 7 week scan that the baby didn't have a heartbeat and was measuring small. Weirdly, I just knew that this would end up being the outcome - that I wouldn't miscarry naturally but that the pregnancy wouldn't progress. I'm the least woo person I know - but I was 100% sure from that day that this would happen. Then, a scan 2 weeks later confirmed non-viable pregnancy.

It took me and DP a year to get a BFP but I dropped nearly two stone and started exercising in the 6 months before I conceived, so hoping the good work I did there will help me get another BPF sooner than next October. How long did it take others to get pregnant again?

Cafeaulait27 Thu 08-Oct-20 18:40:53

I’m sorry @BeansOnToastWithCheese but glad that you’ve at least been able to have the treatment. I’m scared of having that but now I know the baby is still in me I know it might be a possibility if it doesn’t happen naturally in the next ten days. Do you feel that in a way it was helpful for closure so that you can now get ready to try again?

I hope you manage to conceive again soon xx

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Cafeaulait27 Thu 08-Oct-20 18:42:53

Also @BeansOnToastWithCheese I too had a bad feeling after I had a private scan, although I was assured everything and we saw a heartbeat, it was measuring small. The sonographer thought I’d just got my dates wrong but I didn’t think they could be as wrong as they would need to be for it to be that size. So I always had a slight niggle in the back of my mind. Xxx

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greysome Thu 08-Oct-20 18:42:54

Sorry for your loss thanks

I lost DD1 at 22 weeks, and was desperate to conceive again ASAP. I waited a month as my cycle was chaos after having her, and wanted to have a normal period first and a little recovery time. Then started tracking cycle and using ovulation tests and actively trying. I was lucky enough to get pregnant with DD2 on my third cycle trying, basically just dtd every other day for the whole cycle and it seemed to work.

The pregnancy unsurprisingly was a difficult and anxious time, but she is now a very healthy 4 year old and it all went text book smoothly.

Cafeaulait27 Thu 08-Oct-20 18:46:35

@sarahc336 thank you so much for replying and congratulations on your pregnancy ❤️

I often see PCOS listed as a reason for miscarriage, due to hormonal imbalances. The thing is, there’s not much medication you can take to regulate your hormones when trying to conceive because of the risks to the foetus. I’m on metformin which has been shown to reduce miscarriage in women with pcos, it didn’t help this time but hopefully it might next time ☹️

Thank you so much for your encouragement, hopefully there are brighter days ahead.

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Cafeaulait27 Thu 08-Oct-20 18:48:31

Thank you @GazingAndGrazing I think I’m in shock still right now, and desperately trying to regain control by looking to the future and when we can try again. I feel very tired and ill after the trauma of today ☹️

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BeansOnToastWithCheese Thu 08-Oct-20 18:50:05

Thanks @Cafeaulait27. I do think it helped - especially as I'd already had to wait two weeks after getting the news that it probably wouldn't work out. I did a lot of my grieving then, I think. I also had a termination about 12 years ago which I managed medically and found quite traumatic, so was sure from the off that I wanted surgical. It also helped me to know exactly what would happen, and when. With expectant management I would have found it difficult not knowing/waiting. I needed a bit more control - but I know it would be the opposite for some people. It's really hard and I'm so sorry you're going through this. The whole thing is so unfair and sad.

Cafeaulait27 Thu 08-Oct-20 18:50:48

I’m so sorry for your loss @greysome but so glad it worked out in the end for you. We were doing much the same -tracking my cycle and doing it every other day - When it worked with this pregnancy. We’d been trying for 6 months and felt really lucky with my pcos issue.

I hope I can share some happy news in the future xx

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BeansOnToastWithCheese Thu 08-Oct-20 18:54:03

greysome

Sorry for your loss thanks

I lost DD1 at 22 weeks, and was desperate to conceive again ASAP. I waited a month as my cycle was chaos after having her, and wanted to have a normal period first and a little recovery time. Then started tracking cycle and using ovulation tests and actively trying. I was lucky enough to get pregnant with DD2 on my third cycle trying, basically just dtd every other day for the whole cycle and it seemed to work.

The pregnancy unsurprisingly was a difficult and anxious time, but she is now a very healthy 4 year old and it all went text book smoothly.

I'm so sorry greysome. A 22 week loss must have been incredibly hard, I can't imagine. Good to hear you got pregnant again quickly and now have a healthy daughter - it's lovely to hear positive stories at the moment. Gives me some hope smile

Cafeaulait27 Fri 09-Oct-20 08:41:20

I’ve heard that fertility is higher just after a mc so I’m hoping that will help things. There’s no sign of this baby passing yet... I really want this one but it’s not alive so now I just need it out so we can try again ☹️ It’s going to be such a long wait until my second scan on 19th which will be really sad anyway.

I’ve had to cancel all my plans for the foreseeable as I don’t want to bleed at friends houses/in public. It’s so traumatic 💔

Hopefully happier days will follow.

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