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Am i wrong

(23 Posts)
Jtl31 Wed 07-Oct-20 21:21:32

Hi ive got two girls to my ex partner, im desperate for a son. My ex partner is a brilliant dad to my girls and me and him are really good friends, i always wanted 3 children, am i wrong to ask him to try for another baby even though we arnt together? Money isnt an issue, we both work and got good jobs. Im not sure if its a good idea or not, weve spoken about it before jokingly. Just wanting some advice

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PurpleDaisies Wed 07-Oct-20 21:24:00

What if it’s a girl?

Having a baby with your ex seems like a really bad idea. It isn’t as if you don’t have other children.

Bizawit Wed 07-Oct-20 21:35:49

Not wrong:l. Not crazy. You do you. There are all kinds of ways to have a family xxx 🌈 💓

Voice0fReason Wed 07-Oct-20 21:42:58

What do you think you would get from having a boy that you don't have now with girls?

calimommy Thu 08-Oct-20 05:54:37

If you are both happy then it's your life 🤷‍♀️ but no guarantee it will be a boy! 😜

Catsup Thu 08-Oct-20 06:18:04

Firstly is he dating? Because that wouldn't be fair on anyone. How old are your Dd's? Would they fully understand mum and dad are having a baby but not getting back together? Would it upset them thinking a new baby might mean the family unit become one again? Nothing to say it wouldn't be another girl. Nothing to say you wouldn't meet a new partner whilst pregnant and then have the whole dynamics of being pregnant with a baby with your ex. Explaining more times than you'll ever want to anyone else in your life that you're not back together with your ex but having another child together. The dynamics of if he moves back in with you to help, or not? Yes, there's an equal parental balance with your current kids, would it feel like that with new baby, or would they feel more 'your baby'? Do you start having sex together again, or go down the artificial insemination route? Would the child feel 'lesser' when older as you weren't in an actual relationship unlike your other DC being conceived? Yes you've 'jokingly discussed this before', but your ex might be horrified at the suggestion of making it a reality?

Jtl31 Thu 08-Oct-20 08:33:40

No hes not dating and we both havent since we split. Both focused on our careers and the two girls weve got. Our oldest is 14 and the youngest is 11. I have no interest in meeting a new partner at all. In this last 5 years weve had sex on and off anyway so that would be the route.

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CalmDown7 Thu 08-Oct-20 09:09:26

If you don’t mind me asking why did you guys break up?

Jtl31 Thu 08-Oct-20 09:48:06

We were best friends in our relationship but got friends with another couple then he started going out a lot. He works nights so i wouldnt see him through week because i was on days and him on nights, then he was out at the weekends. When we split we was both stubborn. Didnt part on bad terms though, still friends now, he calls in before he goes to work and stuff and helps me round the house with odd jobs and im same with him.

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awsomer Thu 08-Oct-20 09:58:16

Would you do it for a girl?

Jtl31 Thu 08-Oct-20 10:08:19

Yes, ive always wanted 3 children, i would love a boy but if its a girl she would be loved and cherished like my other 2

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AgrippinaT Thu 08-Oct-20 10:11:13

You know there's like a 50% chance of it being a girl though right? How do you feel about that?

But if that's not an issue then I'd say yeah, go for it, why not. We're in 2020, crazier things happen every day.

Kay00 Thu 08-Oct-20 10:42:16

Totally, you should totally explore it as an option together. He seems like a really good dad and you are really amicable. Families don't have to be solid units of 2.4. I had one dad and three mums (two step mums - all different houses I want to add) and five siblings - all very happy and one big family.

Jtl31 Thu 08-Oct-20 11:17:40

Hes calling today on his way to work to see the girls i will have a word and see what he says, he knows i want another and we e spoken about it before, he says he would like another too i will put it to him. I will let u all know what he says xxx

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TTCbabyx Thu 08-Oct-20 19:23:23

@Jtl31 omg this is such an interesting question!

It's honestly down to both of you, and whatever works for you guys as a family! If you are both friends and understand boundaries etc, then it makes sense to! Did you have a word with him this afternoon?🙊

pumpkinpie01 Thu 08-Oct-20 19:28:59

It sounds like you get on so well so if you both really want another then yea , just thinking thou as yours are getting older and you are getting more time to yourself( I presume ) what if he won't take the baby for weekends or out for the day to give you a break is that likely ? Have you had a chat with him ?

Pudding01 Thu 08-Oct-20 19:37:41

Have you watched Duchess on Netflix? Made me think of that, but your situation seems a lot more normal!

Anyway, if it works for you both and you'd be happy with a girl, then why the hell not. As long as a baby is loved and has a good family, with parents that love them, then the set up doesn't matter.

ThinnerByDinner Thu 08-Oct-20 19:48:16

I think it’s great if you both think you can make it work. Looking forward to hearing his response! smile

LetsD0ThisThing Fri 09-Oct-20 17:14:54

@Jtl31 did you ask him? 👀

Jtl31 Fri 09-Oct-20 17:52:53

Yes i spoke to him yesterday and he says he does want another one and said shall we try after christmas. Think im going to go for it, hes a good dad and im a good mum and my two girls are loved and cherished and so would the new baby be, boy or girl, thankyou ladies for your reply's xxx

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TTCbabyx Fri 09-Oct-20 18:29:48

Aww I'm so glad you're on the same level, how exciting! Best of luck xx

PeppaPigMakesMeGrrrrr Fri 09-Oct-20 18:31:29

Also came on here to see if you've watched 'the duchess'!

Jtl31 Fri 09-Oct-20 19:24:43

No not watched it, i shall though xx

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