To tell, or not to tell?

[Tryingandhoping2020]

Hi, so I am 26, engaged, and my partner and I have decided that due to Covid restrictions we would start ttc before planning a wedding.
I’ve so far only told my best friend that we are ttc as I wanted to share it with someone. My father is in the vulnerable category and very down as he hasn’t done anything all year, and my grandparents are in their late 80s. Part of me wants to tell them that we are ttc to bring a bit of hope and something to look forward to, but on the other hand I’m aware it could take ages, I don’t want to disappoint them or have the added pressure. At what point did others tell people they were ttc and when after conceiving did you tell people? Thanks x

[GreenTiles22]

Good lord, no!!!! No one wants to know when you are having sex. Why would think this is a good idea? Just tell People when you are actually pregnant and they'll be thrilled for you.

[Mylittlesandwich]

I didn't tell a soul. It just feels like an odd thing to tell people. If it does take a while then you have the added pressure of other people knowing it's taking a while. They will be thrilled when you tell them you're pregnant.

[peachypetite]

Christ no!

[TTCIVF]

I wouldn't personally - if it happens quickly then you will have good news to share soon enough, and if it doesn't then you won't have added pressure of people knowing. Good luck! X

[bethany39]

God no don't do this.

Even if it takes you a couple of months you'll get fed up with the questions about whether you're pregnant. You don't need the weight of your parents expectations on you as well as your own!

[bethany39]

Meant to say even if it ONLY takes you a couple of months!

[JoanApple]

No, don't tell.

[unCliche]

Similar situation to you. 27, recently married but we were going to wait to buy a house before TTC. However, buying as a FTB is much more difficult now so decided to just start TTC anyway. We've planned to start this month after AF and I haven't told anyone. My mum has been asking and I've just told her we're not ready. When I'm 12 weeks gone I'll announce the news (if I can keep it in for that long).

[mynameiscalypso]

For some reason, my DB and DSIL told my mum when they started TTC. She had to tell me as she was so shocked that they actually share something like that. Boundaries are good!

[Dollywilde]

My mum sort of knew, we didn’t go into detail but she was aware - it took us a year and it helped that she was aware I was having down days. We didn’t address it directly but she would keep my spirits up/distract me if she noticed I was a bit ‘off’ or if I made an offhand comment about time of the month/being premenstrual etc. That worked for our relationship but I think it very much depends how you get on and whether you’d feel pressure. I wouldn’t tell anyone to cheer them up though, just because you can still share some brilliant news if it happens quickly, and if things take a little longer you don’t feel like you’re not ‘delivering’ for them. Good luck!

[Tryingandhoping2020]

Thanks all for the advice. I won’t tell anyone. I suppose I just wanted to give family some hope that something good might happen in this horrible year :( but you all make very good points, we don’t need the additional pressure or questions. Good luck to all of you x

[DNpink82]

I've told my mum and a couple of friends, my husbands has told his parents. I'm 38 and I'm trying to be sensible and organise my life (horses/work/holidays) and people thought I was just being awkward. I've not had any questions yet but it's only been 2 months. I think it depends on your family and friends, we're both nurses so don't have the same boundaries as normal people 🤣🤣

[TheDaydreamBelievers]

I wouldn't tell as a "bringing hope" thing as it might be more difficult etc.

Friends knew I was trying as I'm very open. My mum also knew because I was having huge cycle issues after coming off the pill. So we more talked about that than anything. We are a v close family and I can trust her discretion. I havent been able to tell her yet that I managed to conceive as we havent seen her in person! (Bloody covid19!)

[xWaterfallx]

@Tryingandhoping2020 quite similar to you, I'm 29 and engaged, we were going to get married this year but covid stopped that. So with not knowing when proper weddings will be allowed, we've decided to try before getting married. I haven't told anyone, I was tempted to tell family as some were gutted about there being no weddding but I didn't want the added pressure. Everytime you speak to them they'll be asking if you're pregnant yet or how's it going lol. Best to wait until you've got the good news x

[Sexnotgender]

Lol, definitely not. You’re essentially announcing that you’re having unprotected sex and your family probably don’t want to know that😂

[Puffin85]

Hey! I've told my sister. I thought it would be good for someone to know in case there are problems and I need a shoulder to cry on. Haha poor sis. She has her own 2 DC so thought she might be good for 'help is this normal?' kinds of panics too. I think it could be good to have a support buddy, if you're close to the person and it's not going to bring up any issues for them? DP is lovely, but I think TTC isn't as intense a process for guys? I haven't told my Mum or anyone else, couldn't handle people being curious about it or my Mum being sad if it doesn't work.

[CalmDown7]

Hey, I would personally not say a thing. I recently told my family about my two losses this year, now they know we’ve been trying. I don’t regret telling them but I kind of preferred it when it was only my partner and I who knew.

In your case, wait until it happens and when it does they will be thrilled. I know this has been a sucky year and it seems to only be getting more and more difficult with these mini lockdowns and long term social distancing x

[earthtopluto]

Never even crossed my mind to tell anyone when we were ttc.

[Kirky658]

Myself & DH have been married for a year, bought our first house this year and a puppy and are now TTC! I have to be honest and say that we DID tell both our sets of parents that we are TTC, mostly because I wouldn't be drinking and we didn't want them to get their hopes up! Also, I recently had surgery for endometriosis and both families are very open to talking about these things so didn't bother them, and we felt we may need their support if it doesn't happen. But everyone is different x