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To hope for a daughter

(6 Posts)
iloveyoubutilovememore Tue 30-Jun-20 11:26:59

I'm not even pregnant yet. We are going to start trying for our second over the next couple of months. I'm pretty certain I'll get some hate for this but hey ho.

We have a lovely little boy. He's three and fills our hearts with everything. Not that he is fully aware of the in's and out's but if it's ever been mentioned about siblings, he will always say 'BOY!' or 'brother!'.

I would love to have a daughter. I don't know if it's because of my close relationship with my mum, or just that (selfishly) I would be able to connect with her on a different level than to the one I have with my son. I feel like if/when we have another child and we will be finding out the sex, if it turns out to be another boy I would have to grieve for the daughter I will never have. I had very bad PND with my son so I'm 90% certain the second would be my last.

I guess the reason for my post is to ask if anyone else has felt the same? Or been in this position before?

OP’s posts: |
Ohhaipete Tue 30-Jun-20 11:39:04

When I had my second boy I was so shocked that I had another boy, I was really sad at the thought I may not have a girl ever despite being so happy to have my boy and loving him infinitely. It was like they were two different scenarios that weren't linked a little bit of grief and but also joy.

Once he became a little person with a personality and his little face and body and not just an imaginary construct of a female or male baby it didn't matter to me if he were male or female. He is my little dude and I couldn't love or bond with him anymore no matter who he was. Now if I were to have a third I would be so happy with another boy, or a girl would be lovely too because I'd be having another child who is so much more than their sex. This is just my experience and if you have another boy I hope that you would feel that way too.

Its easy to hope for a specific sex when the baby is just a little dream but once they are a person it seems so much less significant to me.

mummy2myJJ Tue 30-Jun-20 11:54:09

Can totally relate to this, our son is 2 and a half and we've just started trying for our second baby. Ever since I can remember I've been desperate for a daughter as my mum is my best friend so I want that too.
I obviously adore my Son but I also have 3 brothers and mainly boy cousins so I'm literally surrounded by boys... so I really would love to have a little girl However as time is going past and I'm sitting here desperate to get that BFP, it deemed on me I don't mind what I have as long as it's a healthy baby.
You have to weigh up the pros and cons... yes a girl would be great to have that close bond with but how lovely that your little boy would grow up to have a brother as his best friend!
Everything happens for a reason... hope you get the result you want😘

userabcname Tue 30-Jun-20 12:18:50

My friend is going through something similar. She had massive gender disappointment in the delivery room when her first turned out to be a boy and now she is pregnant again and hoping for a girl. She hasn't found out during scans so I just hope she's not left disappointed again! Personally I wouldn't ttc if I actively wanted one sex over the other - it's totally out of your control and having seen what my friend went through, I wouldn't want that. As a mother of two boys I think boys are fab! I don't think my connection would be any deeper or more special with a girl. My two are also chalk and cheese which goes to show how much is simply down to individual characters.

Braxos Tue 30-Jun-20 12:24:19

I think gender dissapointed is wayy more common than people think. I certainly felt sadness when i found out i was having a 2nd boy, obviously loved and adored him as I would any baby, but same as you in that me & my mum have a lovely relationship and i know boys tend to drift away!

As it stands now (in a 2ww), and I feel like boys are just my future and ive accepted it now. Im a mum of boys, and I dont think I would even know what to do with a girl now!

But anyway,

However you feel is totally okay. Let yourself feel it (i think bottling it up would make it worse), have your cry, then you can move on. .

You never know anyway! 50/50 chance either way smile

Kaiisaclay Wed 01-Jul-20 09:50:56

I completely understand OP.
To be honest ideally I’d like a boy and a girl for balance but if I never had a son I wouldn’t be that disappointed. If I never had a girl however I’d be completely heartbroken and would probably never get over it.
From my experience boys love their mothers dearly and have a close connection until secondary school then it all goes downhill. Potentially it’s just the men I seem to know but it seems to be an awful lot of them that don’t actually bother with their parents let alone siblings/grandparents etc except on Christmas Day when they’re expected to turn up. All my female friends complain about their brothers not pulling their weight and not making a contribution to the wider family much preferring their friends and their wives and own children.
I know it’s a cliche and obviously every man is different but from my experience ‘a man is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life’ holds a lot of truth.

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