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Age or infertility

(27 Posts)
Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 01:29:29

DH and I have been TTC (regular unprotected sex) for over 2 years. I am 39, he is 29. We haven't sought any medical help yet. I understand age affects fertility but after more than 2 years of trying, I would have expected to be pregnant by now (I have one child from a previous partner - age 16. DH has no children). My question is, is it more likely to be my age or a problem with his fertility? Given that I know I am able to conceive albeit some years ago. TIA smile

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Sweetlikecoca Wed 17-Jun-20 01:37:26

Do you use an app called flo? It’s fantastic. 2 years is a long time. But it doesn’t mean your infertile maybe your just not doing it on the right days.

Sweetlikecoca Wed 17-Jun-20 01:39:31

Also how can you be sure your the potential problem? I’ve known a few women have kids 40+ years old all healthy and normal pregnancies. If there is a problem it could be your husband if he has no children.

Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 01:47:43

Thank you for replying. Sorry I should have made my question more clear. Do you think it is more likely to be my age or his fertility problem is what I was trying to say.

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Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 01:48:02

I will look at that app 😊

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Sweetlikecoca Wed 17-Jun-20 01:56:55

I am not sure tbh I’m no Dr. But if you haven’t been using an app you will find it hard to predict your own ovulation as you may get it wrong. I’ve used the app and fallen pregnant. Good luck and you could always ring your GP.

Whatelsecouldibecalled Wed 17-Jun-20 02:02:59

@stargazer2 I know it’s so hard ttc (4 years and a round of ivf for us!)

When you say trying for two years have you been throwing everything at it? Eg sex in right days of month before ovulation, during ovulation and after ovulation? BBT testing for confirm ovulation? Ovulation testing? Sperm friendly lube? Supplements? Diet? Lifestyle? Clothing? Laying down after sex? Checking your cycle? These all things we tried when ttc before starting fertility investigations.

Supplements we used through ttc and ivf were:
Coq10 for me and DH
Pregnacare (Wilkos own brand) for me
Wellman conception for DH
High dose vit c for DH

DH wore loose fitting boxer shorts

Both exercised well and ate a good diet.

We used preseed a sperm friendly lube.

You can also buy at home testing kits for sperm too. Not sure how accurate they are.

Sorry if this is teaching you how to suck eggs just wasn’t sure what you had tired yet.

Good luck

wurlycurly Wed 17-Jun-20 02:06:32

I had to get help to get pregnant... nothing to do with age, but was told that if you are over 35 you should try for six months before seeking help. Lots of women have babies well into their 40s but lots can’t. I’d get yourselves checked out. Good luck!

Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 02:14:31

Thank you both. I have just looked at flo app and it's similar to one I was already using called period tracker which pinpoints ovulation etc but I haven't used an ovulation test so perhaps the tracker I was using wasn't accurate.

We have sex very regularly, I'd say every other day without fail. Both have very good diets, non smokers, both the correct weight, I do try and help the sperm along by propping my self on a pillow lying down, loose boxers and cool baths also. I did have my ovarian reserve checked a year ago which I forgot to say and that was ok. I believe I am near the cut off for IVF due to my age.

My friends think it's more likely a problem with DH as I've already had a child but I know secondary infertility is a thing so I think the chances of it being me are just as likely.

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ivfgottostaypositive Wed 17-Jun-20 04:28:02

Unfortunately it's more likely to be your age? He's 29 so the chances that it's him that's the issue is very very low.

I'm not sure why your friend thinks it can't be you because you've already got a child.....that was 17 years ago you conceived?!

I've been doing IVF the last 2 years and everything I've studied indicates that age is THE primary factor in fertility (or lack of it) in women. Under 35 and most women can expect 35% of their eggs to be chromosomally normal - at 40 that falls to 13% and by 43 it's 6%

By all means get some tests done do check you are ovulating etc but be realistic you aren't entitled to IVF on the NHS due to having a son already.

Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:17:29

I think maybe friends assume that just because I've had a child and because quite a few of our social circle have had babies 40+ which I know in real terms means nothing of course.

Thankfully I would be entitled to IVF as my health board's criteria is if one partner does not have a child then you qualify. However the age threshold is fast approaching for me.

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BenScalesIsAGod Wed 17-Jun-20 11:23:55

What’s the age threshold? It can take a while just to get the referral and then get the investigations done. I would get on it straight away.

Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:34:36

It states that women up to their 43rd birthday can have one cycle providing ovarian reserve isn't low - to last year mine was fine. But like you say with waiting lists and so on it would probably be wise to get things moving now. I do feel very lucky that this is an option for me still.

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Isthisfinallyit Wed 17-Jun-20 11:36:43

I wouldn't wait in your case if you really want snother child. Ivf takes time.

yikesanotherbooboo Wed 17-Jun-20 11:42:50

You seem to be doing everything right and if you know when you are ovulating and are healthy and having regular sex then all the testing , supplements etc are not going to add to the chances of success. You should see your doctor for testing ; bloods in your case and semen analysis for your partner and then for referral on if criteria are met. Best of luck, agree it is more likely but certainly not definitely the case that it is you has reduced fertility. Having had a child already removed some of the causes of infertility eg chromosomal abnormality , structural abnormality but not the most likely which is lack of ovarian reserve.

Tropical2 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:44:25

Why don't you ask your partner to go to the Doctor and get a test, then you'll know. At 39 you are allowed to seek medical help after one year of trying.

WaitingForSeptember Wed 17-Jun-20 11:51:47

You both just need to go get tested, random strangers on the Internet aren't going to know the answer!

Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 12:12:59

Thanks everyone. Will definitely get things moving very soon as it does seem we are doing everything right but obviously something is not right somewhere.

@WaitingForSeptember I realise that but sometimes it is nice to have general opinions from people who may have experienced the same situation to feel you aren't so alone in your predicament.

Perhaps if you have nothing constructive to add to other people's posts you should refrain from commenting!

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WaitingForSeptember Wed 17-Jun-20 12:23:10

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Isthisfinallyit Wed 17-Jun-20 15:44:24

I second tge therapist. You might need it if you get more of these twattish posts from people like waiting grin

Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 15:53:50

Haha maybe an idea then 😉 I didn't bother responding to said twattish post as very often it's themselves the posters of such things aren't happy with.

Thank you all for your kindness and support, even though it hasn't changed anything in real terms it is nice to talk to others and just feel like I'm not alone.

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jazzibelle Wed 17-Jun-20 16:03:08

@WaitingForSeptember why are you even here if you're just going to say something dismissive and negative? I'm getting so sick of people's vitriol online. Have an ounce of compassion and kindness FFS.

@Stargazer2 I'm in the same boat, except DH is also in his late-30s. We fell PG once, ended in MC. We haven't been able to conceive again since and I'm worried my age is going to prevent us from having the family we so desperately want. We've been married a long time and always planned to start trying much earlier than this, but things in life happen and here we are.

Our journey hasn't been as long as yours, but it's long enough now that I'm worried. After the MC, the doctor told me the number 1 factor is my age. So, I definitely feel you on this one.

I haven't yet gone down the route of tracking temps and all that stuff, but I have been using the 4-day Digital OPK and find them super helpful. I also tried taking low-dose aspirin, vitamins, exercising, tracking EWCM and I use Clue. It's tricky to balance all these things and not get completely overwhelmed and stressed over the whole thing.

Where did you find your info on IVF? I'd be curious to read more on this

Stargazer2 Wed 17-Jun-20 16:16:16

Jazibelle thank you for your support. I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage and I totally get the fear of not being able to have what we kind of assume will just happen naturally and how unfair it feels.

It's like in the blink of an eye our bodies are classed as 'too old' yet our heads and hearts still feel so young.

I am in Wales so I looked at the Wales Fertility Institute information page. You can download it and it gives a heap of info on all areas not just the criteria. I think it may differ depending on which part of the UK you live.

Wishing you the best of luck 😊

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ivfgottostaypositive Wed 17-Jun-20 16:34:47

I think acting sooner rather than later is better then if you ban access NHS with your partner having a child already - I though pretty much every NHS trust has stopped IVF in those situations. BUT many still do have a cut off for age though and for most it's 40 x

Semele5069 Wed 17-Jun-20 16:50:41

In Expecting Better the author looks at how long it takes women to get pregnant by age (averages obviously). She notes that it is normal for women in their late 30s to take longer but that the chances of getting pregnant overall are still good, and weighs this up against the advice for older women to seek medical attention after 6 months rather than a year.

She questions whether this means women in their late 30s are more likely to go down the route of medical intervention earlier, when the evidence shows they would probably have got pregnant naturally with more time.

No right answer and I'm thinking about the same things myself, but the data in the book was interesting!

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