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ED and TTC

(5 Posts)
jazzibelle Tue 16-Jun-20 19:05:43

DH and I have been TTC for a while now. We fell PG, which sadly ended in MC at 6 weeks. We're still trying and everything with me is back to normal in terms of cycles, ovulating, periods etc.

My issue is, the pressure of TTC is affecting DH's ability to get/stay erect. This has never been an issue in our marriage and I'm starting to worry. We're both approaching 40 so time is not on our side.

When we first started trying there was no issue, but as the months progress it's getting worse. We have talked about it, of course, and he says he feels under immense pressure to perform which results in us not being able to DTD at all. Last month we were able to do it once, 4 days before I ovulated. This month, same thing. We tried several times and it just wouldn't happen.

I've been using OPKs and I tried not telling him when I was tracking ovulation so we tried to make it more spontaneous, but of course he knows we're trying and the pressure for him is still there. I've also tried to track just by CM (which this month I had EWCM on/off for 5-6 days which is more than normal for me, so I have no idea when I actually ovulated). We've also tried all kinds of things to spice it up a notch, and he's definitely into it... but loses his erection and then we're done.

It's honestly getting me down so much, and I don't want to add more pressure on him, but what can I do? I'm starting to feel like this really isn't going to happen for us and my heart is breaking.

Anyone else experienced this? What can I do?

OP’s posts: |
mrswilso Tue 16-Jun-20 19:56:50

I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling.
I would highly recommend trying to see if he would maybe go to his GP with the issue...maybe he's losing his erection for other reasons? Some conditions can cause problems with dysfunction so maybe it's worth making sure that other factors aren't involved? It certainly sounds like you're both trying your very best, sending you so much luck ✨

jazzibelle Wed 17-Jun-20 00:03:42

Thanks @mrswilso, I think we're heading for a trip to the docs anyway to figure out what's up. The ED though, he says it's pressure to perform and it's only been a recent thing... he's otherwise a fit and healthy 30-something.

I did suggest maybe we take a break from trying, not worry about it for a couple of months, etc. But he really wants a baby (we both do) and the thought of missing 1 or 2 months of not trying is a no-go for him (I'm also happy to keep going). It feels as though it's definitely psychological, I just don't know how I can help him.

OP’s posts: |
VP91x Wed 17-Jun-20 07:06:39

I have no experience, however I have seen on threads where people have used a conception cup (ferti-lily/softcup) and done home insemination where their partners have been going through this. I don't know if that is helpful at all, but thought it might be worth you looking into if you want to continue trying whilst getting support from your doctor. Wishing you all the best 🥰

jazzibelle Wed 17-Jun-20 14:06:57

@VP91x thanks so much, I have never heard of ferti-lily so will check it out.

OP’s posts: |

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