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Postponing ttc due to covid and gutted, anyone else in same boat?

(44 Posts)
Greyhoundgirly Sun 14-Jun-20 13:34:50

Hi, apologies if there's already a similar thread on the go here but I just couldn't find one...!

DH and I were going to try for DC2 this year but have postponed it due to the covid pandemic. Without boring you with the greater details, it's been a decision based largely on my work circumstances (I had effectively started a new job and was furloughed before I barely did a thing!)...

Anyway, although I've tried to convince myself it's the 'right' thing to do to postpone, ever since then I've just felt almost bereaved every month AF swings by. Does that sound dramatic? I hope not, I don't want to offend anyone, I just feel all over the place emotionally and don't feel like I have anyone to talk to.

I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat as me? Are you putting off ttc because of the pandemic, whether that be for health or other personal circumstances? And moreover, has that decision been a difficult one for you to come to terms with?

X

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BookishEm Sun 14-Jun-20 13:38:57

Hello! We were planning starting ttc in April but then decided to postpone because of the pandemic and all the uncertainty. But I felt the same way you did and started researching like crazy and even reached out to Tommy’s midwives for some advice and we decided to go ahead. In my third ttw just now!

I completely get how you are feeling. It was horrible for the few weeks we postponed so can imagine carrying that on for months. Is there anyway you would be able to start ttc despite the circumstances?

Greyhoundgirly Sun 14-Jun-20 13:51:23

Thanks for the reply! I know exactly what you mean, I have done a lot of research too. I think when everything kicked off I was googling 'pregnancy and covid' every few hours to see if any new research came out!! To be honest, for me it's more of a work thing. It had always been the plan to do a few months in my new job and then ttc but now I'm in a situation where I haven't really been able to start that job (and currently don't know when I will be) and I suppose I would feel a bit guilty getting pregnant when I haven't done any work for them (but have gladly taken the money!!). I know people go either way on this though, some people might say carry on, I don't know! I think if I knew when I was back 'in work' it might help me make a decision!

Are you ttc your first? X

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BookishEm Sun 14-Jun-20 13:58:02

Can I ask what it is you do? My DH works at a gym so they are furloughed just now too until an unknown date! I’m a teacher so it’s easier for me with work. I personally would go for it especially since it’s affecting your mental health and making you feel so low. Yes! This would be our first so still very new to all this! X

Greyhoundgirly Sun 14-Jun-20 14:14:38

Aww well I had to Google what ttw was so I'm quite new to mum'snet speak myself haha!!!

I work in the charity sector so hopefully it may start opening up soon, but I basically started the new job, had a holiday/training, and then got furloughed so I think I've been in the office a handful of times and haven't really met anyone! It's obviously a personal thing but I suppose I feel a bit guilty because I've barely lifted a finger for them and been paid... Not sure getting pregnant is the best way to ingratiate myself with my colleagues but I guess these things do happen!

Anyway, I just saw your own thread on here and I just want to say that I think it's really normal to feel a bit anxious when you're ttc. We conceived our DC very very quickly and although she was very much wanted you do get plagued with worries and self-questioning, it's a really emotional time (but one you won't regret I'm sure smile) x

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BookishEm Sun 14-Jun-20 14:22:56

Yes for some reason I kept typing ttw instead of tww 🙈😂 aww thank you so much. That’s why I came on here and then saw your post too. I am glad I’m not the only one that has or had doubts! It’s so daft but it all started when I opened my wardrobe and saw my holiday clothes (that was cancelled due to covid) and realised I might not be able to wear them! It was such a stupid thought but it put doubt in mind!

kaydot3 Sun 14-Jun-20 21:01:23

Hi! This is my first post here but just wanted to say I'm in a similar position. Me and DH had planned to start ttc in March/April but I'd been preparing a bit before that, taking supplements and tracking my cycles after coming off the pill. When we first heard about coronavirus, we decided to wait for the first month to see how things developed and we're still waiting to start ttc now.

I've felt really emotional about it at times. I think the hardest part has been that the situation feels out of our control and there's also so much uncertainty about how long this virus will be with us. One thing that's helped is to focus on eating healthily, exercising, taking supplements etc and so feeling more baby ready! We're also just taking it month by month and seeing what the situation looks like. It's really difficult not being able to talk about it to friends and family, so it's good to be able to share this on here smile

Greyhoundgirly Mon 15-Jun-20 09:00:01

Hiya, thanks for your reply. It's reassuring to know others are in the same situation even though its a miserable one! You're right, it feels like the whole thing is out of our control. It's difficult to know if you conceived now what kind of shape the world will be in in 9 months (though better than this we'd hope!). I think taking it month by month is all you can do in the circumstances, its still hard though feeling like your life is on pause! It's nice to be able to share stories with other people, like you I don't feel like I have anyone IRL I can chat to! X

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SierraOscar Mon 15-Jun-20 09:33:56

We had also been planning TTC over the summer, I need to have my coil removed so I doubt that will happen any time soon! I also think my job will cease to exist in the next couple of months which is scary!

Greyhoundgirly Mon 15-Jun-20 14:34:11

Oh no, @SierraOscar. What sort of thing do you do? If you were worried about possibly being made redundant could you try to look for something else maybe? Not sure what coil removal would entail but I'd hope they'd see you for the procedure if it needed to be done! X

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SierraOscar Mon 15-Jun-20 15:30:38

I work for a small not for profit organisation, the department that I run can't work at the moment. I'm looking at going back to uni in September to find a more secure career.

If I get pregnant at uni, I can cope with it it, I'm not getting any younger and don't really want to put it off.

The coil has to be removed by a nurse and they aren't doing those kind of appointments at the moment.

Greyhoundgirly Mon 15-Jun-20 15:43:25

@SierraOscar ahh I see, well all the best with your studies. I feel the same, time isn't on my side either! All the best to you, hope everything works out x

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SierraOscar Mon 15-Jun-20 16:02:07

@greyhoundgirly are you going to start trying or are you complete put off for now?

I have one DD ego of nearly 3, I didn't want a huge age gap. It feels likes everything is up in the air at the moment.

SierraOscar Mon 15-Jun-20 16:02:40

Ego should be aged 🙈

bottle3630 Mon 15-Jun-20 16:04:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dozer Mon 15-Jun-20 16:15:35

What’s your age?

SSW101 Mon 15-Jun-20 16:28:10

We are also postponing TTC for now. We delayed last autumn as my husband wanted to be more secure in work. I collected another 12 months supply of the pill and we joked that it would have to be something catastrophic to stop us after that 😞

We are both in relatively secure positions at work now with us both wfh, very much business as usual. We will have to make a decision in August before my pill supply runs out. I'm just worried about a second wave on top of flu season in the winter, so we might have wait until early next year

Greyhoundgirly Mon 15-Jun-20 16:40:07

@SierraOscar we're just taking it week by week, month by month at the moment, just waiting to see how things play out. My little one is 2 and a half, like you I didn't want to have too big an age gap either!

@Dozer hiya, were you asking me my age? I'm 37 later this year so maybe still got some time but not getting any younger (who is! wink)

@SSW101 oh what a pain to have already delayed. How are you feeling about it all? Am a bit worried about a second wave too, have been doing mental calculations as to when best avoid conceiving but I keep coming back to the idea that cv19 is going to be with us for a while (from what I understand, not an expert!)

X

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Lurchermom Mon 15-Jun-20 16:41:16

Hey, we were looking to start TTC this summer after our big holiday in June. Obviously that's been cancelled and we e rebooked for June next year so we plan to start trying again after that. It's not just the holiday obviously, I don't really want to go through the pregnancy stuff (assuming TTC is easy..) with my husband having limited access to scans, having to wear masks to go to hospital etc etc. So I'm hoping in a year we will be in a different situation. If it's still the same I guess we will have to bite the bullet as I'm currently 30. It's pretty gutting, as a lot of my friends etc are currently having babies and I'd got excited about it, but trying to look a the positives (we'll have paid off some loans etc by then) so should be in a better position financially. And my crazy dog will be a year older, and hopefully wiser LOL.

Dinosaurus86 Mon 15-Jun-20 17:03:37

I understand your reluctance re the work situation, but I would just go for it! It may not put you on the best footing with your colleagues to start with, but I'm sure you could make up for that in the years to come. There are few workplaces that wouldn't quite happily make staff redundant if it's best for the company, so I would be wary of putting them before your own personal life. Of course, I am partial because we delayed for a month but then decided to go ahead anyway.

SSW101 Mon 15-Jun-20 17:12:30

@Greyhoundgirly I keep going back and forth with it! I think we will have to just take the risk at some point as there is no guarantee of a vaccine.

We also don't drive so I will have to use public transport to get to the office once it reopens, which will feel a bit scary. I think I might come off the pill in the autumn, use condoms and start tracking my cycle until I feel ready to take the risk. You never know it might increase my chances of getting pregnant earlier on next year!

SierraOscar Mon 15-Jun-20 17:24:52

I'm 35, feeling 90 after the last few months!

LouJ85 Mon 15-Jun-20 17:30:04

@Lurchermom - would dads not be allowed at scans? I hadn't thought of that. Me and DP planned to start TTC in Aug/Sept so I have just come off the pill this month to start tracking my cycles. Now I'm doubting it's a good idea as I wouldn't want him missing out on the scans etc. Time isn't on my side though so don't want to delay too long! I hate Covid .... 😣

Dozer Mon 15-Jun-20 17:38:30

At 37 I personally wouldn’t wait around, fertility wise, unless would be in dire straits financially if likely scenarios come to pass, eg being made redundant during pregnancy and unable to find another job.

strawberry2017 Mon 15-Jun-20 17:46:44

If you have just started a new job then check how long you have to work there to get maternity benefits before TTC, nothing worse then finding out you don't qualify for anything. X

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