Reluctant shaggers ttc

[Geauxtigers]

Hi all- so basically my hubby and I aren't massively horny people. I was raised v religious so we didn't DTD until we were married. The first few months we did it a few times a week as it was new and exciting and it was good but I never really missed it if I didn't have it. We've been married 5 years now and I'm 32 and ttc. We are on month 7 and nothing. It does feel like a huge hassle to do it every other day for about 2 weeks. And now I'm starting to fear it won't happen for us. Do you think out lack of sex drive could be related to our fertility and mostly looking for reassurance that people who like sex but don't love it have also conceived!

[KRK05]

@Geauxtigers Have u tried maybe using OPKs so u know when your about to ovulate so to just have sex then. That might help if you've not a high sex drive so yous arent having to continue to have sex for 2 weeks if that's not what your wanting to do. I dont see why not having a high sex drive would affect fertility (I'm no expert) it's more about doing it at the right times.

[KRK05]

@Geauxtigers I forgot to add I personally know people who have only had sex once the whole month (on the day of positive OPK) & have seen plenty ladies on here do just the same & have ended up pregnant 😊

[MrsDrambuie]

In our normal (ie not TTC) lives we wouldn’t DTD every other day. More like once a week, quality over quantity 😂

With our DS, he was conceived in a month when we only DTD twice (after TTC for 2 years, same age as you).

Trying OPKs or at least watching out for ovulation signs (as well as using an app to track symptoms etc) should help you narrow down to a shorter period where you need to ~make the effort~ so to speak. Good luck.

[MrsDrambuie]

I should also add, those 2 times were both painful for me as it turned out I had a cyst! I remember thinking “I don’t want to conceive our baby like this”... then 2 weeks later, positive pregnancy test 😂👍🏻 So I don’t think enjoying it (or not) has anything to do with it!

[Elieza]

As others have said defo use something which indicates when you are ovulating so you can dtd at the appropriate time. I think you’re only fertile for three days then or something so three days out of a month isnt as much of a chore.

[Curiosity101]

I understand what you're getting at with respect to whether your sex drive is linked to low fertility.

But I'd counter that with - women are only fertile for a few days a month. I know there is evidence that your libido will increase on those days even if you don't know when they are, but that doesn't explain all the people who love doing it during the 'non fertile' parts of the month. Some people just have a high sex drive, and having a low sex drive doesn't have to mean you've got lower fertility.

If you do reach the 12 month mark then you can refer yourself to your GP for fertility tests which should be able to answer some of your worries.

But overall I agree with PPs, in your case I'd definitely consider BBT and/or OPKs. That way you can pinpoint ovulation and just focus on DTD a few times around ovulation.

How long is an average cycle for you if you don't mind me asking? And which cycle days are you aiming for as your fertile window?

[Sammyclaire22]

Op I get where you are coming from, me and my oh don't dtd very often at all normally. A combination of a young child, poor sleep, night shifts and now habit really. It's not that I don't enjoy it, I'm just happy enough to go without as I'm usually too knackered to be bothered! And making it forced to a timetable doesn't help much with desire, but it's a means to an end.

For other reasons too when we were ttc I tracked my bbt and used opks and my cm to confirm when I was most fertile and made sure we dtd at least twice in that period, ideally at least once right by ovulation. I'm now 7w pregnant and for the month I conceived I used the smep approach as my cycles are really regular so actually ended up planning the days we did it in advance and just didn't tell him! We haven't dtd in weeks now as I've felt too rough lol x

[Geauxtigers]

Thanks for all your advice. I have used the cb OPK in one cycle but they are so expensive and I also don't love all the disposable plastic! It was mostly to see if I actually was even ovulating (although I know solid smileys aren't a guarantee) and I ovulated right when my clue predictor said I should. My cycles are 28-30 days long but since ttc I've had a rogue 35 day one and this month I should have finished my totm yesterday but it hasn't come on yet (tested yesterday morning and BFN) I think I'll look into measuring my bbt. I'm fairly clued into my cycle and I use a menstrual cup so I'm pretty aware of my cervix and it's positioning.

[Curiosity101]

I get what you mean about the disposable plastic.

But if you did want to use OPKs you could always use the cheaper one steps - www.amazon.co.uk/One-Step-Sensitive-Ovulation-Fertility/dp/B001G7P62S?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

The Premom app can read them for you.