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Fell pregnant unexpectedly

(13 Posts)
Mumma626 Thu 21-May-20 16:59:55

Just as a little bit of background I already have two sons aged 4 and 2.
I have mentioned to my partner in the past about having another and his answer was no. He said he was done, couldn't do it all again. I was a bit disappointed but I respected it.
I have been on the pill for a while. About 4 weeks ago we had sex and the next morning realised that I missed my pill the day previously. Tried to get the morning after pill and everywhere was shut as it was a Sunday.
Monday I started bleeding and thought' great I have just got my period, i have nothing to worry about.' ( I know how stupid that sounds now.) On the tuesday morning woke up and i had just stopped bleeding. Pannicked thought, I definetly need to go and get the morning after pill. I did she told me the normal, "it may not work as it stops you from ovulating rather then make you have a period."
Went on my way and about 2 weeks ago realised I was having the same spotting that, I had with my other sons right before I found out I was pregnant.
I was open and honest from thr start and told him that I thought I might be pregnant, but that i had to wait a while before i could test. You can imagine that he wasn't pleased, but he wasn't going to worry until he had too.
Along came my expected period date and got a very faint posititve. told him and he went quiet. We haven't really talked about it much since, but he keeps making little comments.
Like just now our eldest son was trying to get his attention and he kept saying "daddy" over and over and i mentioned that he had been like that since 5am, and he made a sarky response about "its going to be great with 3 kids"
Im now stuck in a situation where, I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to have an abortion ( To anyone who is trying so hard to fall pregnant i'm SO sorry you have to read that!), but i also know he doesn't want this baby. I was going to offer him the ability to walk away and i will raise this child alone, but I'm worried that he is going to think that i'm using this as a way to leave him, which further from the truth I love this man so much.
What would you do? Would you just keep going and see how it all plays out?
I'm stuck in a situation where I have no one to talk to about this because, I don't want to /can't tell my family whats going on.

Thanks
xx

OP’s posts: |
lucymagoo Thu 21-May-20 17:15:35

That's a horrible situation I'm so sorry you're going through it and sorry your man is acting this way.
He needs to realise it's not something you've done on purpose and it takes two to tango, he is just as responsible as you are.
I would speak to him and say he has absolutely no right to be angry with you, mistakes happen and he needs to get over it to be honest.

2020wish Thu 21-May-20 17:18:43

Honestly I think he needs to grow up. He had sex also and like you said he was aware of the risk with missing the pill and not getting the morning after in time. You can not force urself to have an abortion or even entertain the idea if it’s not what you want. I actually angers me all these men’s adamant they don’t want kids anymore but expect the woman to continue medicating her body to suit them. He should have considered a vascitomy if he was that against it. Sorry if that’s upsetting. I myself have told my partner if further down the line he is not up for anymore kids do not expect me to stay on birth control and medicate myself and deal with the side effects. He can accept that we might fall pregnant again and deal with it together (rise it) or not have sex lol sorry if that’s very forward but I feel frustrated for you. As you have noted.. so many woman on here would love to have that positive test you have... I myself after 2 recurrent miscarriages this year. What you both have created is a blessing and it’s not as if you both aren’t committed.. you already have 2 children: I would sit him down and be honest with how he is making you feel and that he helped create this and it can’t be all on you. Tell him
He can boot up and get on board with you or as you said walk: and maybe give him
The option that after this baby is born to maybe consider him getting birth control for himself Instead of you

2020wish Thu 21-May-20 17:20:17

Sorry for the typos, dealing with a 9 year old having a tantrum lol

lucymagoo Thu 21-May-20 17:21:58

Agreed, he needs to get on board and support you, don't let him make you feel as if you've made a mistake or are at fault here

ivfgottostaypositive Thu 21-May-20 19:40:51

I have to disagree with the previous posters who are being harsh about your partner - presumably contraceptive was something you discussed together and agreed you'd be on the pill. He has trusted you to take it and you haven't so YOU HAVE made a mistake here .......to be honest it sounds like you subconsciously "forgot" because deep down you wanted another baby and thought he'd come round (I imagine that's what he thinks anyway!)

Give him some time and I'm sure he'll come around before the baby arrives but you have to understand that he's going to be feeling hurt/angry/upset that you've now got what you want especially if you family finances mean he is the main earner because you stay home with kids and he was hoping for some increased financial input from you to help alleviate any pressure which will obviously now be delayed for a few more years?

Mumma626 Thu 21-May-20 22:41:59

@ivfgottostaypositive
Thank you for being honest with me.
I agree that he probably thinks I have done this on purpose and it’s something I need to discuss with him.
In term of the birth control. It’s not something that was discussed it was expected of me. I have honestly begged him to go and get the snip and he point blank refuses and says that if I don’t want to be on hormonal contraceptives then I should go and get my tides. The pill is the only hormonal contraceptives that I can take.

OP’s posts: |
DontStandSoClose Thu 21-May-20 23:52:42

If he didn’t want another child he could quite easily look after the contraception, either the snip or wear a condom. He sounds like a prick for how he’s acting, how can he act like he’s pinning it on you when it was him that got you pregnant? I’d have the baby and just leave him to it, I think I’d find it hard to forgive something like that, even if he did come round to the idea eventually.

Malysh Fri 22-May-20 00:23:01

I have honestly begged him to go and get the snip and he point blank refuses and says that if I don’t want to be on hormonal contraceptives then I should go and get my tides.

I was seeing your partner's point of view until I read this. So the contraception was all on you but now he's pissed it failed ! Tough luck. He sounds like a jerk.

Next time he makes a comment about the pregnancy I'd remind him that he refused to take responsibility so it's a bit late to complain. He can think about that for next time. Why should you be the one who has to handle birth control when he is the one who didn't want another child ?!

MURU Fri 22-May-20 06:54:20

If I was you when other kids are busy or asleep so nothing to distract you both. I'd ask him how he feels about it and what he wants to happen bite your lip don't lead him with any big statements or things that you could do just let him talk and see what he has to say.

Skip86 Fri 22-May-20 07:28:32

My heart goes out to you as you must be really hurting right now 💗
I do agree with @2020wish and similar replies, especially after reading your further comment about him refusing to take any responsibility for contraception.
I also have 2yo and 4yo sons, and accidentally fell pregnant when youngest son was still a baby (I was on contraception). However in my situation DH and I talked at great length, openly and maturely, about how we felt about it emotionally, financially, and the effect it would have on our other very young children, amongst other things. Although we made a joint decision, he was ultimately 100% supportive of whatever I wanted to do. We decided the best thing for our family at the time was to terminate the pregnancy. However I cannot imagine how it would have unfolded if DH had insisted on a termination, or blamed me for the mistake. To be honest it probably would have meant the end of our relationship.
I really do feel for you, and urge you to talk to family planning counsellors if you are able x

ivfgottostaypositive Fri 22-May-20 09:07:51

I think it's a big thing to expect ANYONE male or female to have the snip or their tubes tied - a permanent surgical procedure. You can't demand/expect him to have such a procedure just as much as you wouldn't have your tubes tied.

Fact is there is no reliable male contraceptive pill on the market.

stairgates Fri 22-May-20 09:20:13

No contraception is ever 100% really is it? I would give him a few more weeks to get his head around things, he may all of a sudden come around to the idea, abortion you cant go back on, and theres still a chance that nature may step in and make the pregnancy non viable.

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