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New to mumsnet. TTC for 9 months :(

(53 Posts)
Sawiia Thu 23-Apr-20 17:49:57

Hi all,

I'm 27 and me and my fiancé have been TTC for 9 months. AF has appeared today and I have been a wreck so decided to join looking for some support.

I've never been an emotional person. I'm very optimistic, logical and positive but for some reason I'm really not coping with TTC. I've spent a good few hours crying today because AF has come and I spend every waking moment thinking about being pregnant and, more so, how I'm not yet!

Hoping this will help me see I'm not alone and that this is normal.

Thanks xx

OP’s posts: |
LAG1986 Thu 23-Apr-20 18:00:10

You're not alone. Dont panic. It can take some healthy couples 12 months to conceive. Just because. It's not as easy as we imagine. I was lucky enough for fall with my first without trying. And my2nd in 1st month. I've not been trying 3 months for number 3. Even I didnt expect it to take even this long. But as my partner says to me, you cant rush ultimate perfection. It will happen when our time comes. Try and relax, it could help. Xx

Positevibes Thu 23-Apr-20 18:09:52

I'm 33 and May will be our 9 month of trying. I didn't realise it would be this difficult but my OH is very positive so this month we are just going with the flow DTD every other day and trying to get out for some walks in the sun to keep a positive mind. All I keep thinking is the amount of people that have babies it must work eventually 🌈🤞. Good luck to you don't lose faith 🥰

LAG1986 Thu 23-Apr-20 19:03:39

@Positevibes you too. Our time will come xx

LAG1986 Thu 23-Apr-20 19:04:41

@Positevibes I'm also 33. X

dancingmama Thu 23-Apr-20 19:13:00

I just posted on a similar thread about this.

I am TTC baby number 2. 3rd month with a BFN. However it took us well over 12 months to conceive our first so I'm trying to enjoy the process and stay relaxed. I know it takes time.

I have fertility problems but conceived number one naturally.

Hoping you get a positive test soon! X

Positevibes Thu 23-Apr-20 19:31:14

@LAG1986 @dancingmama it's so refreshing to talk to other people going through the same thing.

LAG1986 Thu 23-Apr-20 20:09:18

@Positevibes definetly.
@dancingmama my other 2 happened really quick, so being only 3 months in is still a surprise to me. Think we take it for granted when it happened quickly before.
Ladies.... think I'm becoming obsessed. Haha.

marlie89 Thu 23-Apr-20 21:12:11

Awww I totally understand what you are feeling. Me and my husband have been trying for 11 cycles now and every time AF arrives I bawl my eyes out for a good few hours! All you can do is stay positive and remember it’s normal to take a year or even more. This is what I keep telling myself!

MrsMeow2019 Thu 23-Apr-20 21:14:18

@Sawiia Hi, I hope you’re feeling a little better. A pound of chocolate and a cup of tea help me 😆.

I’m 34, TTC Number 1 and onto cycle 10 now. I didn’t think it would happen straight away but to be honest don’t think I imagined it would take this long sad. And now the pandemic is here no chance of any investigations for a while so we are powering on and started SMEP this month.

DH very positive too, I do think it’s easier for them. Easier to be positive when it’s not on your mind every day sad.

Fingers crossed we will all get there 🤞 👶 🍼

Positevibes Thu 23-Apr-20 21:34:45

@Sawiia @LAG1986 @dancingmama @marlie89 @MrsMeow2019 I've learnt the hard way that testing early is my enemy after 2 chemical pregnancies so I'm strictly staying away from peeing on any sticks until AF is late even if I have to sit on my hands x

Slug123 Thu 23-Apr-20 21:43:53

@MrsMeow2019 thank you. I am, it's really nice to talk to people in the same situation. I knew it could take a while but didn't think it would take us this long. We're both fit and healthy but I guess I was just naive about it all.

@Positevibes I agree, I haven't tested at all unless AF is late which it rarely is. Think I've only done two tests since starting TTC.

We've tried so much too. DTD every day, every other day, pre seed, opks, no opks, apps, no apps! It's impossible haha!

MrsMeow2019 Thu 23-Apr-20 22:29:14

@Positevibes I’m sorry to hear about your chemicals, it must be a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve been testing from about 8DPO alwsys negative and no good for my emotional wellbeing - I’m trying hard this month not to. I have 2 FRERs and am keeping them for 2 days before AF and day of AF... or at least that’s the plan 😆. How are you stopping yourself from testing early?

@slug123 it is nice to know there are others in the same place and not everyone is pregnant after looking at their partner ! I keep reading the statistics which isn’t helpful. 68% of women under 35 are pregnant by 3 months and 81% by 6 months. Starting cycle 10 and those numbers make me feel like it’s all a bit hopeless. But then there are lots stories of ladies getting their BFPs later ... I guess I juts need to learn to be patient 😆

LAG1986 Thu 23-Apr-20 22:41:50

I've never done a frer before. Are they pretty good or not? I normally just buy cheap tests for a quid for 2 or something. Became obsessed with 'just checking'. Starting to wonder if me stressing over it is more hindering than anything. X

Pricey1102 Thu 23-Apr-20 22:46:03

Me and my husband have been TTC since November and I am exactly the same! I'm trying to stay optimistic but keep getting emotional. I am due on next week but it's like I'm torturing myself thinking that I'm pregnant! I've been feeling extremely tired and suffering with horrific bloating and not feeling well generally! This could just be feeling under the weather but it's like I convince myself that it isnt!

Positevibes Thu 23-Apr-20 22:53:20

@MrsMeow2019 so May will be my first month of trying to stop myself. Previously I have tested from 9/10DPO but I'm going to try my best not to this month no matter what the signs are like. That's the plan in theory probably easier said than done x

Slug123 Fri 24-Apr-20 07:02:56

I just don't test because even if I do a day or so before AF comes and it's negative bi convince myself it's to early anyway 😂. So I just stopped because it was such a waste of time.

@Pricey1102 that's exactly how I was feeling this month. All of last weekend I was bloated and felt sick. It wore off a bit the last few days but for around a week now I've been sleeping minimum 10 hours a night so I convinced myself this was the month ☹️. One of my friends is nearly 12 weeks now and it's how she felt so fingers crossed for you 🤞

Pricey1102 Fri 24-Apr-20 09:22:07

@Slug123 I've been like that some days is worse than others but it hasn't completely gone! Oh well fingers crossed to you aswell! I wish I had someone I could speak to but I haven't told anyone as I don't want to feel pressured if it doesn't happen!

LFH1990 Fri 24-Apr-20 10:25:06

Hi OP, I was just like you, always really upset when AF arrived and terrified that friends were going to tell me their happy news every time we met up...you probably won’t want to hear this (I know I never did!) but just keep going and it will happen, so many people who I have spoken to recently have said that they were trying for 12-24 months before it happened, but I’d just assumed it had worked for them straight away!
I’m 30 and we have been trying for 16 months, but I got my BFP this week and I genuinely never ever thought it would happen for me, it was so out of the blue!
I know it’s reall difficult and frustrating when you’re trying, but chances are the only things you need to conceive are time and patience!
Good luck 😊

Slug123 Fri 24-Apr-20 13:58:07

@LFH1990 that's wonderful news, congratulations! It's nice to know it took you that long, gives me some hope.

I was lucky enough that just before lock down my doctor ran some routine bloods etc to check everything seemed in order with me and the results were all good. They were going to send OH for SA but now they can't so I guess we've just got to hope and keep trying the next few months 🤞

LFH1990 Fri 24-Apr-20 16:18:12

I’d only just had blood tests on day 2 and day 21 of the previous cycle, and they cam back saying that they didn’t think I was ovulating, so I definitely wasn’t expecting anything to happen!! I think a lot of the time it just takes longer than you think it will, but there’s nothing wrong, it just takes time! I know it’s easier said than done to just wait though!

Nat4392 Fri 24-Apr-20 16:52:16

You’re absolutely not alone in this.
I’m 28 and just started cycle #9, I just curled up in bed and cried when AF arrived. I was so naive to think I would get pregnant quickly. All I think about is getting pregnant. I wake up every morning and think: “what cycle day is it?”
It’s completely taken over my life and I hate it. I tell myself every month that next month I won’t symptom spot or get my hopes up but I’m just useless at ignoring it.

MrsMeow2019 Sat 25-Apr-20 12:46:32

How are you ladies today? I’m reading too much mumsnet and googling ‘anyone for a BFP after 10 months TTc’ 😆 I’ve read them all before I don’t know why I read them again

Wouldn’t a BFP be so nice at the moment, life is just so sad and seems there isn’t much to look forward to for a long time.

@Positevibes It’s impossible I did a test today (way too early god knows why I did it 😆) BFN of course

Af due next weekend for me and we can’t even arrange to go out for a nice meal or something to cheer ourselves up when the inevitable happens ( totally agree restaurants shouldn’t be open but we had been planning nice things to do when AF showed up to cheer ourselves up 😆)

Slug123 Sat 25-Apr-20 14:10:58

@MrsMeow2019 Feeling ok today. Digging the garden up to give me something to occupy my mind.

Ordered some vitamins on a recommendation of a friend and praying for next month!

LAG1986 Sat 25-Apr-20 19:09:43

Hi ladies. I'm still pondering over doing an early test. Just to see. But I just dont because i hate finding out I'm still not pregnant. Dilemma. Hope you're all doing ok xx

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