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Trying for 2 years and no luck

(27 Posts)
Ro18 Sun 12-Apr-20 23:43:54

Hi,

I’m new to all this and find it difficult talking to people about my problems. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past 2 years, we’re but in our earlier 30s and have no health issues - in fact we’ve both me fitness fanatics our whole lives.

We’ve had all the tests done except the scan where they check to see if my tubes are blocked. I waited 9 months for the appointment which then got cancelled in March due to corona. Being in lockdown is making Is making all my feelings towards this situation really difficult to deal with.

I’ve never felt such sadness in my life, I sound dramatic when I say this but I’m at the point where literally my soul hurts with all this baby stuff. I can’t talk to my husband as he doesn’t deal with it very well and it sends him into a downward spiral so I keep everything to myself and put on a happy face.

Has anyone gone through anything similar?

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susso Mon 13-Apr-20 00:04:54

Hi, my situation isn't completely similar but I just wanted to pop on here to let you know that you're not alone because I know how absolutely awful trying for a baby is when it's not working.. we've been trying for 2 years now. We had a miscarriage a year ago which was awful and so sad to have not conceived again yet...

I was told by various doctors that we were both fine etc, just to 'keep trying' and to stay healthy and it'd happen. Basically fobbed off for ages! Upon further investigation and with the help from a really great doctor and nurse, I was diagnosed with PCOS so I at least felt like there was a reason for me not being able to have a baby's but it still hurts just as much.

I just want to let you know that I understand what an absolute terrible time you're having and I really wish us both the best of luck, hopefully we'll get our babes soon ❤️xxx

Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 09:56:11

Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sorry to hear you had to NG I through having a mc, that’s heart breaking. How did you guys deal with all that?

I’m glad they found your PCOS, with me they found that I had low thyroid so they said once that balances out it should correct the fertility stuff. When I went for my check up a few months ago they said the thyroid had balanced out but now there’s issues with my cortisol levels so they have to check all that now. Feels like one thing after another. Have you had the x ray where they inject dye into your tubes to see if it’s blocked?

I hope we can have some luck soon, it’s so hard seeing everyone around you getting pregnant. In the two years that we’ve been trying, I know 13 women who have gotten pregnant and had babies xx

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Snowberry4 Mon 13-Apr-20 12:11:29

Hey @Ro18.
Sending you a massive hug. It really does sucks and as you rightly said sometimes our partners really don't get it or have a clue! Husband and i are also early 30's. My story's similar to @susso.
We've been ttc for 3 years in June and I have known PCOS. I don't have AF at all unless I take medicatation to bring one on and therefore don't ovulate, Hospital started me on ovulation induction meds 09/2018. First cycle worked but ended in miscarrage. My SIL fell pregnant the same week as me with an Oops baby too! After the miscarriage I failed to respond to treatment. Treatment was then changed, regular scans and blood tests have shown treatment is working and iv ovulated but thus far no pregnancy. I'm now out of medication sad My next appointment with infertility clinic was meant to be end of April to review and get some more meds but has now been cancelled and rebooked for mid july, so our next cycle won't actually be until August before we can try again and it's awful. So I do completely understand where your coming from.
The good news love is that your already under investigation so things are going in the right direction and hopefully they will be able to give you something for the thyroid problem, it is just a waiting game with how soon will things so back to normal with everything that's going on at the minute and appointments being sent out. But you will get there 🙂

The HyCoSy test ( Hysterosalpingo) is absolutely fine so please don't worry. I read so many bad things on here about it before I had mine and expected the worse... but I also heard the same about smear tests and I don't have a problem with those! As long as you follow the patient info sheet your get sent out and take the precautionary painrelief described your be fine. My thoughts before having it done were "if I'm going to struggle with this how on earth will I cope with Labour?! So women up!!!" I was absolutely fine and you will be too with the same attitude so please don't worry about the test.
It is so difficult when your trying to concieve because everywhere you go all you see is babies and friends and family having oops baby's and it's almost like just a massive "F* you" and a slap in the face every single time yet another announcement is made on social media.
Just realised this has turned into an essay, so sorry 😳
I read something that ill try PM you if that's alright? You may be able to appreciate and relate to it as much as I did. Here if you want to chat.
We will get there and we are in this together. 😊🥂🌼

Trying93 Mon 13-Apr-20 12:32:59

@ro18 I've been trying for 2 years and had a mc about 9 months ago. Not been pregnant since. I got scanned when they were checking if I'd miscarried and said everything looks as it should although I'm not sure how thorough that is confused. I was hoping to see my doctor in the next few months if I'm still not pregnant but I doubt that will happen now.

Not the same as what your going through but I understand how frustrating it is, especially seeing other people having babies.

Hope your appointment is rearranged soon and you get some answers

susso Mon 13-Apr-20 14:30:28

Thanks @Ro18 , it really was horrific. It took me an extremely long time to feel semi-okay again, i wouldn't wish it on anyone and now I live in fear that it will happen again. But we can't let fear consume us, so we stay strong x

Funny enough I was looking into thyroid levels and thought this might be a problem for me! I can't wait for all of this to be over so proper investigations can take place for us! I haven't had the dye thing yet no, they basically said about most tests, because I can get pregnant I'm bottom of the list for tests etc... which I kind of understand but not helpful at all to my situation seeing as we haven't got a baby yet! I don't think my tubes are blocked though, I just think I don't ovulate very often. Months I have been successful I used OPK's and they were spot on (although they're not for some other with PCOS they work for me), but I only get a positive OPK like 3 times a year as my cycle is sooo out of whack 😔 I think I just need ovulation boosting drugs like clomid but getting them is easier said than done!

And I totally feel you about seeing everyone else get pregnant around you! It seems to be so easy for everyone except me! In the time we've been trying a family member of mine has had a baby and is now pregnant again with twins! Over the moon for her but god it hurts. Xxx

susso Mon 13-Apr-20 14:35:35

@Ro18

Also Ro, about your husband. My partner really didn't deal well with any of the baby stuff for the first year and a half. As you've described, mine went on a total downward spiral when we spoke about it and it wasn't happening. It got a lot lot worse when we had the miscarriage. He was supportive but it killed him, went totally off the rails tbh.

However, one day we had a massive heart to heart, I told him I couldn't do it alone and that I needed him to be in it with me or we would have to stop because the toll on my mental health was just far too big. And he did, he changed. And began to deal with it better, now we face it as a team and it has improved everything for us. He never had a problem with alcohol and going out before the miscarriage but it turned into every night when it happened. So he's also stopped drinking apart from a few in the house, off his own back and this too has made him less depressed etc... and honestly we both couldn't be on a better place. We just need a baby now to complete us xx

Whereland Mon 13-Apr-20 14:38:42

Hi there. I went through the same. We tried for two years with no luck. Both healthy, no issues and all tests came back fine- I explained infertility. It was so heartbreaking. The amount of times I cried when someone announced they were pregnant. And I can't imagine how much harder it is with the way things are at the moment, appointments being cancelled etc.
We were advised we could try IUI or go straight to IVF. Decided to try IUI. The first round didn't work, the second did. Really could not believe it as the success rates are quite low.
Got pregnant with my second the first month of unprotected sex. I hope you get your appointment soon

Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 21:36:22

@susso@Snowberry4@Trying93@Whereland thank you ladies for sharing your stories with me. It’s really comforting to know I’m not the only one going through this xxx

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Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 21:47:29

@Snowberry4 I’m so sorry to hear about your MC, especially the fact that it happened at the same time your sil got pregnant. My sil got pregnant with her 3rd last year and I just wanted to crawl into a hole when I found out. I don’t deal with people telling me they’re pregnant, of course I’m happy for them but like you said it’s such a slap in the face. I’ve lost a few friends over it as when they have told me they’re pregnant I say congratulations and put on the happy act but after that I cut them off and don’t go to the baby shower or ask about the baby once it’s born. They don’t know what I’m going through but I feel I can’t tell them once they tell me they’re pregnant as I’ll be putting a downer on thier good news.

Thanks for sharing about the hycosy, mines been cancelled so many times so after all this madness if they don’t reschedule soon I’m going to have to go private. Keep me updated on your appointments - I feel like there’s no real platform for women with regards to the topic. I’m beginning to learn it’s more common than I thought but for me I still find it difficult to accept that it’s happening to me and have not been able to get help with my feelings xx

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Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 21:49:48

@Trying93 I’m so sorry to hear about your mc, I really don’t know how you get through that. Hopefully your appointments come through quickly too, keep me posted xxx

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firsttimemumhere Mon 13-Apr-20 21:58:12

My partner and I were trying for 8 years. We had the tests and he had a slightly lower sperm count. He quit smoking which helped. We also used home insemination to help and we now have a 5 month old DS. Just wanted to say that it does happen. I had resigned myself to the fact that I probably wouldn't be a mum (I'm now 37) but just to say I completely understand the heartbreak but you need to be easier on yourself. Hope this gives you since hope.

Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 21:58:50

@susso you have the right mind set with regards to the fear, trying to stay positive about all this is the right thing to do but it’s so hard sometimes. The day that I start my period is the worst day for me, I literally breakdown inside and don’t tell anyone as I’m at the point now where I feel like it’s a tape recorder of the same thing over and over again.

I don’t think my tubes are blocked either to be honest. It sucks that they put you at the bottom of the list but to be the lists are so long it just takes forever for anything. I had my ovulation tests and they said I was ovulating normally so I don’t think that’s a problem for me. Why is it hard to get the ovulation meds? Do the doctors make it difficult?

Susso hearing about your family member makes me so sad for you. I wish her all the best and happy that she is able to have children but it’s so tough for people like us. I know it sounds stupid but no one ever told me that you can have problems with this stuff. Everyone I’ve known has had kids without any problems. I was so ignorant to the fact that this would not be a problem for me.. but hey ho you live and learn xx

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Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 22:05:58

@susso thank you for sharing about your husband too. I’m glad you guys sat down and talked it all out as that’s the only way forward.

With my husband, things have been a lot better since the beginning of this year but that’s because we don’t talk about it anymore. When we used to talk about it all he would get stressed and then decide to go to the pub and get smashed so to avoid that I just keep my mouth shut. It makes it worse as he has a child from a previous relationship which he doesn’t get to see so not only is he dealing with my issues he’s dealing with all his own issues in his head.

It’s killing him that we’re not getting pregnant and at times I feel he must blame me as it’s clearly not a problem he’s had before but I don’t dare bring it all up as it would just open a can of worms.

It makes me really sad as we never argued until we couldn’t have a baby. Like you said, we just need a baby to complete us. We don’t need a baby to fix our relationship but the relationship has sort of broken down a bit since all this started xx

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Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 22:09:43

@Whereland thank you for sharing your story. I can’t tell you how many tears I have shed over this situation. It’s like your mourning for something you’ve never had.

Can I ask what IUI is? And why you decided to go with that over IVF? I really battle with IVF in my head as on one hand I feel that i should do it and on the other hand I feel like maybe I’m forcing something that wasn’t meant to be for me.

All this stuff is so emotionally draining x

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Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 22:12:20

@firsttimemumhere thank you for sharing your story. 8 years!! I can’t imagine feeling like this for that long. I’ve told myself I’ll give it one more year and then I’ll have to accept that it’s not meant to be for me. The emotional rollercoaster of all this is really difficult for me to handle.

So happy it worked out for you in the end xx

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Whereland Mon 13-Apr-20 22:19:59

IUI is basically like artificial insemination! I was put on a course of medication (injections) to stimulate more eggs than you'd normally produce. They track them with scans and when they're the right size they get a sperm sample and basically inject it into you.
We decided to try that first mostly due to cost (it's a lot cheaper than IVF) and also because I don't think I was mentally ready for IVF. I just couldn't reconcile with being perfectly healthy yet needing IVF. We initially thought the second round of IUI had failed and I would then have moved on to IVF.
(By the way I'm in Ireland where there is no funding for fertility treatment, you pay for everything yourself)

Ro18 Mon 13-Apr-20 22:30:19

@Whereland ahh ok thank you for explaining. What was it like doing the injections? How long was it between the first and second time you tried it?

We will also have to pay for the fertility treatments on our end. If I’m honest I havent looked into any of this as I too can’t accept that this is something I may need. Xx

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susso Mon 13-Apr-20 22:48:33

@Ro18

Honestly relate to everything you're saying so much! It really sucks doesn't it 😔 i'm the same as you, I just thought when the time came I'd be able to fall pregnant, how naive of me..

About the ovulation meds. They have to be so sure that you're not ovulating to give you them, my doctor keeps referring me for different things but it seems like there's always another hoop they want me to jump through if you get me, like always another test until they give me clomid. And like you, my appointments have been cancelled because of Covid😔

I feel like our relationships are very similar, you sound like me a year ago! Any conversation about it would end in him going to the pub, getting absolutely wasted! I hated it, for a while I just avoided talking about it but then I needed to get it off my chest. We still have our moments but him not drinking had made it 1000x better. Trying for a baby definitely breaks down relationships when it takes this long. You're not the only one❤️

Also, my partner has 2 children from a previous relationship (that is another nightmare story in itself!) although we all have a good relationship now, things have been very very tough- especially with his ex and the children. So I completely understand you not wanting to think about IVF yet too, we are the same. I think it is so so unfair how we would have to pay just because my other half has 2 children, yet I'm left childless. I know it sounds stupid but I've spent countless hours sobbing about this because I just know it's not affordable for us. Although if we had to we would make it work.

Sending you a massive hug, I can tell you're hurting just as much as me xxx

Whereland Tue 14-Apr-20 07:18:28

The injections were totally fine, I was nervous doing it at first but after the first it was fine. I think I had a couple of months between rounds

Ro18 Tue 14-Apr-20 16:53:59

@susso it’s scary how similar your situations are, actually makes me feel so happy that I messaged on here : )

Sucks about the ovulation meds, but I do understand your frustration as sometimes it feels like they don’t want to help as they continuously throw something else into the mix.

Can’t believe that you can relate to all the ex drama too! It’s such a mess and knowing that someone else has something that’s a part of your partner that you can’t give them kills me. I can’t help but feel like she’ll always have one up in me cos she has his child. When it all kicks off it feels like a double slap in the face as I just think she’s doing it on purpose even though she has no idea what’s going on with this situation lol.

The way the system works is just a joke, they give free medical aid to everyone in the world but when one of thier nationals need help there’s all these terms and conditions - infuriates me so much. I’m like you, I’ll have to find the money from somewhere if we decide to go down that road. I’ve also cried a lot about all this.

Thank you for responding to this post, I hope we can stay in touch xx big hug xx

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susso Tue 14-Apr-20 17:36:02

@Ro18 it is, crazy!

There's always people on here who can help with kind words and advice, It's fab, I've been on it since we started trying and it's been really helpful.

About the ex stuff I literally have never related more 😂!! I always feel like she has one (well two 😬😂) up on me! It's horrible, I love my step kids but the thought of my partner experiencing it always it's someone else makes my stomach turn, not even exaggerating! When I lost our baby, she rang me numerous times laughing about it, even sent me a letter in the post to say she's glad our baby passed... as you can tell she's a very pleasant woman 😬😂 from that moment onwards, I haven't cared about her at all, she tries to get on with me now but for me there's no going back, I'm civil for the kids and even then it pains me...

It is an absolute joke about our medical system, so so unfair- I actually couldn't believe it when I was told. Me and my partner work hard, we both pay our taxes etc, and it just feels like a massive smack in the face doesn't it.

Please keep in touch, I would really love to know how you're getting on. You can always message me if you need anything too. Even just a rant! All the best sweet, I have everything crossed for you ❤️

MyView2 Tue 14-Apr-20 17:45:15

Hi,

I haven’t read the full thread but just wanted to share my story as ten years ago I was in a similar position having unexplained infertility and trying to conceive unsuccessfully for two years (never pregnant in this time, no miscarriages just nothing). We had all the tests, everything was as expected, had the dye test which suggested my womb was heart-shaped I think but again shouldn’t have been a problem.

We went for private ivf in the end (due to the NHS waiting times), they then decided that the quality of some of my eggs were not great so that may have been the explanation.

It was a happy ending for us and we conceived twins on our first round of ivf. Three years later their brother arrived unexpectedly as I was on the pill at the time! We went from one extreme to the other! I put some of that success down to acupuncture that I had just after I got pregnant with the twins as I think this really helped.

Good luck!

Ro18 Wed 15-Apr-20 12:01:16

@susso omg I think I’m in shock lol. Wtf is wrong with her? How can someone be so heartless?! All I can say to that is karma is a b** and those vibes will come back 360 to her and then she won’t be laughing. It may not happen now or in the near future but when she gets those negative nasty vibes thrown back at her she won’t be laughing then that’s for sure! I don’t blame you for not talking to her I would never look at her again. I’d be fine with the kids but defo not her, she’d be dead to me.

Same applies to you babes - I can inbox you my number and we can stay in touch like that if you like xx

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Ro18 Wed 15-Apr-20 12:05:40

@MyView2 thank you for sharing your story. Gives me a bit of hope I guess I too have had no sign of pregnancy in two years. My body is like clock work, I’ve never missed a month in my life or had a mc literally nothing. That’s why it’s so heartbreaking to go through.

Glad it all worked out for you x

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