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“You don’t want to the pregnant with this going on”

(51 Posts)
kcf90 Thu 09-Apr-20 22:29:08

Anyone else sick to death of being told this?

I’ve been trying over a year, was just about to be referred to specialists and then the lockdown started. I am struggling with depression at the moment, mainly due to not conceiving to date and all this pushing our journey back so much longer than I ever expected.

I feel like everyone I speak to just thinks I should be grateful I’m not pregnant right now. And I get it. But it is still killing me!

Just need a shoulder to cry on sad

OP’s posts: |
BewilderedBee Thu 09-Apr-20 23:09:07

Ignore them, we've been TTC 18 months and I'm not stopping. Don't feel time is on my side because of my age, and a BFP now would mean the world. Easy for people to comment, but most of us are longing to be pregnant and it's actually insensitive of people to comment in this way.

claireb707 Thu 09-Apr-20 23:09:30

I'm with you 🤜🤛
It sucks and am do fed up of hearing it...

EL8888 Thu 09-Apr-20 23:12:50

Yep. Oh so easy to say when you’re one of those people who get pregnant without trying or the first month of trying. We have tried for the best part of 2 years so don’t intend to stop for

TitianaTitsling Thu 09-Apr-20 23:14:30

Also with you!

indemMUND Thu 09-Apr-20 23:24:04

It took several years to conceive my DD. I certainly understand your point of view, and if I was going through that now I would have thought "fuck off". But I do understand the sentiment. It is a terrifying time to be pregnant. My sister is heavily pregnant, due to give birth during the peak. And she needs a c section. Her pregnancy has been fraught as it is, but with this hanging over her it's even more frightening. The risk of catching the virus while attending appointments and scans that she needs to, never mind being it being a high risk pregnancy and the fact that she might have to give birth alone and the possibility of her newborn catching this and being so vulnerable. A newborn did die while infected recently. The NHS was tightly stretched before this, I can understand why someone might consider falling pregnant at this time is scary.

AlexaCrowe Thu 09-Apr-20 23:26:07

‘You don’t want to get pregnant with this going on’
‘Yes, I do actually’

I wouldn’t want to be pregnant with this going on. That doesn’t mean you don’t! Also keep in mind whatever you do, someone will judge you for it. Get pregnant now - judges. Wait - judged. Have no kids, one kid, two kids, four kids, breastfeed, bottle feed, reusable nappies, disposable nappies, home educate, send to school, no screens, screens... There will always be people saying you’re wrong, so you might as well just do what you want to do, at least that way you can guarantee one person is happy!

PaulaTTC Thu 09-Apr-20 23:46:26

I am with you, why wouldn't you want to be pregnant right now? I know the world is pretty messed up right now but it won't last. Some of us don't have the luxury to wait longer :-(

ArthurandJessie Fri 10-Apr-20 01:07:48

I'm really sorry for your situation I can't imagine how rubbish that is sad I'm having a high risk twin pregnancy right now and if I could have my boys but at a safer time I'd take that I know it's really annoying to hear but it's kind of true , it is stressful beyond belief to be pregnant right now. I'll be having them slap bang in the middle of the peak by the looks of things. I really hope things get back to normal asap so people like you can get your treatment and enjoy a pregnancy in a more positive time

1300cakes Fri 10-Apr-20 01:14:17

if I could have my boys but at a safer time I'd take that

Thats exactly the point though - you can't just choose the exact baby to have whenever you want. If you could OP would have fallen pregnant the first month and she'd have a three month old right now. So in your case it wouldn't be "having your boys at a safer time" it would be "not be pregnant, with no guarantee you ever would be". You wouldn't choose the second no matter how scared of covid you are.

Candyfloss99 Fri 10-Apr-20 01:17:26

I get where they are coming from though. It would be the worst time to be pregnant. Why bring a child into the world when there's a pandemic?

EL8888 Fri 10-Apr-20 01:18:47

@1300cakes exactly, l should be running round after a 13 month old but lm not

Carol1980 Fri 10-Apr-20 01:24:07

Now let me get this right......

You would actively tell folk not to get pregnant because of the pandemic?

Did you ladies also refrain from ttc while Ebola was about ? When it's flu season ? Swine flu? ( you get my point)

Never ever tell anyone that it's not the right time for them to conceive, that just fucking rude !

If you don't agree with it...toodles !

You don't have to comment....

Go ahead and have your family lovely x wishing you all the luck in the world ....

FYI..... the pandemic will pass, it will take time...but it will pass

Imstillskanking Fri 10-Apr-20 01:26:31

Totally normal for people you barely know to openly pass harsh judgement on your decisions surrounding fertility and children.

Some people really just cannot keep their mouths shut. It's very annoying but I'm afraid to say that it will continue once you fall pregnant... and after you give birth... it never ends.

Carol1980 Fri 10-Apr-20 01:28:44

@Imstillskanking yes !!!
I'm beyond fed up with folk jumping on someone who posts a simple question !

🙌

1300cakes Fri 10-Apr-20 03:04:08

Why bring a child into the world when there's a pandemic?

Why bring a child in to world at any time if you are going to look at it that way. Any time someone TTC there could be a much worse pandemic right around the corner. Not to mention climate change, political instability, nuclear weapons etc all of which also exist. Anyone who wants a child accepts that the circumstances of their birth/life may not be easy but they just take the risk.

OrangeJ Fri 10-Apr-20 07:16:26

👏👏👏

So glad someone has said this. Also really bored of seeing corona threads where people are telling others they’d be crazy to continue TTC. What happened to #bekind?!

Thank you for posting this ✊

WorriedNHSer Fri 10-Apr-20 07:32:08

I think that many people would be better off waiting but it’s not true for everyone. If you’re older or have fertility waiting could mean never having a child. It’s perfectly reasonable to prefer to have a child under difficult circumstances than not have one at all.

It is a good idea to think about it though. We don’t know the impact of covid on pregnancy. We don’t know how the Nhs will be coping in 9 months. Many don’t know if they will still have a job and we don’t know what state the economy/country will be in.

Sadly frontline staff have a hard choice to make too. I know of multiple colleagues who are delaying ttc because of coronavirus.

Bobsandbitz Fri 10-Apr-20 07:42:50

Don't get it- why not?? Is there ever a good time to conceive then?? Can you really predict what's going to happen in 9 months at any given time - it really is a silly thing to say - will we have jobs, what will the NHS be like? Can that ever be accurately predicted ahead of time!?
I have friends due to go in labour any day now - how very silly of them not to have predicted 9 months ago that this would be going on!! 🙄
I think let other people live and do as they wish. If you want to conceive, I really cannot see why you should listen to someone saying now is a bad time. Keep trying. 🤞🏻

ArthurandJessie Fri 10-Apr-20 08:11:39

1300cakes No you can't that's why I said if I could choose personally I wouldnt be pregnant in the middle of a global pandemic with a high risk pregnancy ! I might have to give birth for the first time without my husband if my twins go into NICU I'm not sure what that will look like now ( I don't live in the UK currently) I have to make multiple hospital trips and they cause extreme anxiety everytimesad I don't think these people are saying it to be horrible or insensitive I'm just offering some perspective as to why they are saying it ... it's because it IS an awful time to be pregnant ! I have real empathy for OPs situation please don't get me wrong and all those with delayed healthcare because of this ... some people are even getting their cancer treatment atm ! Best of luck to those who continue to try I understand either way x

ArthurandJessie Fri 10-Apr-20 08:13:18

Aren't *

Mimi91 Fri 10-Apr-20 08:13:40

Totally get where you guys are coming from, it took me over a year to conceive and I was spiralling into depression fast, with what felt like everyone around me getting pregnant.

From the other side though, please be prepared for a pregnancy to not be what you always imagined. IT IS a scary time to be pregnant, I don't get to see my midwife. My DH cannot be at my hospital appts (inc. scans) and there is a good chance I will now be giving birth without him by my side and on a postnatal maternity ward alone. All the enjoyment has been taken out of it. It's hard to feel supported/reassured when you cannot see your friends, family and MW face to face. No classes, no baby shower, no meeting other new parents, etc.

I am incredibly grateful I will have a healthy baby at the end of this (assuming all is well, haven't had a physical check in ages), I just feel sad baby is coming into the world at such a scary time. This isn't flu, there isn't a vaccine, this is a very serious and uncontrollable virus. Also thinking of the poor MW's and other medical professionals who have an incredibly hard job currently.

Can totally understand why ppl TTC wouldn't just want to stop, and I KNOW what's it's like receiving 'advice' from others who haven't been in the same situation, just please be mentally prepared for what may come.

tiggertogger Fri 10-Apr-20 08:16:47

Actively trying to get pregnant when the health system is so stretched is the ultimate selfish thing to do. You may not care about your elevated risk of dying, your unborn baby's risk, the stress for your family, the worry of having to attend hospital appointments or not having them available, giving birth alone or without pain relief but we can point these things out to you. Some of you are so caught in a destructive bubble where your only care is getting pregnant but doing that endangers your life and others. If you still don't care, that's up to you but I'll still call it out as selfish.

NameChange30 Fri 10-Apr-20 08:35:25

Sorry about your TTC struggles and depression flowers

I wouldn't blame someone who has been struggling to conceive for continuing to try.

It really isn't a good time to be pregnant right now sad But hopefully the situation will have changed in 9 months' time. Even if it doesn't you might decide that's a risk you're willing to take.

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and I'm not feeling too anxious atm but I am very much hoping the situation will improve by my due date. I really feel for women who are due to give birth soon because the restrictions are far from ideal. I am feeling sad that DH won't be allowed to attend the 20 week scan, but that's nothing compared to how we'd feel if he couldn't be with me for the whole birth and stay/visit me and baby if we had to stay at the hospital afterwards.

This is my second pregnancy. If it's your first pregnancy it might be even more important to you to have your partner with you for the scans.

We can't put our lives on hold indefinitely, though, and I feel for women whose fertility investigations and treatment have been delayed due to coronavirus. I hope you won't have to wait too long for yours.

PBLR Fri 10-Apr-20 08:36:20

No one knows where we will be in 9 months time, ( hopefully no longer) OP. Totally agree with the person who said their friend is about to give birth, daft of the friend not to have predicted COVID19 then!
There is never a good time as someone will always criticise. Keep trying love, fingers crossed for you

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