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Weird reaction from mum

(22 Posts)
lsmbx Tue 10-Mar-20 16:21:59

We are going to start trying for a baby this month. I have mentioned it a few times to my mum, but I was chatting to her this morning and didn't say it bluntly but was asking her questions about when she was pregnant with me etc and how excited I am to be a mum. She has said in the past how she wants to be a grandmother etc..

Her reaction was so odd. She said 'when I look at you I see a 14 year old' (I am 25) and also said things like 'so are you going to get married?' I said 'if I catch now, the due date will be around Christmas' And she generally just looked a bit ill over the idea and said 'what you're trying now?' The colour just drained from her face!

I feel really awkward now with her, this has ruined my excitement quite a bit.

She's my boss too so we are together all the time and we are extremely close. Feeling really deflated by her reaction sad

OP’s posts: |
ItsJustTheOneSwanActually Tue 10-Mar-20 16:24:14

My first concern would be that she's not keen on your partner sad

Or thinks you're too young

Isadora2007 Tue 10-Mar-20 16:24:23

Maybe it’s tmi for her. Some things are better kept to yourself... She’s your mum!

MrsJoshNavidi Tue 10-Mar-20 16:32:01

Would she prefer you to be married before starting a family?

gingerglitter4ever Tue 10-Mar-20 17:41:18

I’m so sorry you got that reaction, I’d say do what you want as it’s your life and don’t share anymore until you’re pregnant so you don’t get disappointed again sad

you always have us here on MN! We are with you!

SleepingStandingUp Tue 10-Mar-20 17:43:44

Does she like your partner? Are you living with u in, been together a while? Will it mean you quitting your job or her having a nightmare finding cover for you? Does she just not want to know he child's having lots of sex right now?

Yes it would me lovely for her to be excited, but you'll only find out why she isn't by asking her

MorgenMuffel Tue 10-Mar-20 17:46:21


outnumberedmummy Tue 10-Mar-20 17:47:40

Has she ever said she wants you to be married before having a baby before

Settlersofcatan Tue 10-Mar-20 17:55:42

I think it's weird to discuss ttc with anyone other than your partner to be honest. It's basically telling her that you're about to have unprotected sex. No one wants to know that about their kids!

25 and unmarried are things that she might well disapprove of and I think this sort of thing is why it's not a great idea to involve others - it invites her opinions when really it's not her business

Knittedfairies Tue 10-Mar-20 18:46:05

I suspect it's the order you're going about things; in my day (when God we're nobbut a lad) it was marriage then babies, and definitely no living together before the wedding day. Have you asked why the colour drained from her face?

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Tue 10-Mar-20 19:00:59

I think most parents would prefer their kids to be married before trying for a baby.....

I also think no parent wants to imagine their kids are actually having sex and by telling her your actively trying to conceive means she has to come to terms with the fact you are sexually active....

MrsSSG Tue 10-Mar-20 19:05:22

Maybe she thinks you should be married first, it is more financially secure for the woman to be fair...

How long have you been in a relationship? Are you living together? Do you have your own home? Secure jobs?

maria2bela Tue 10-Mar-20 19:23:13

By the sounds of it she's just traditional and maybe prefers the idea of you getting married before having a baby. Also is there any reason for her to think having a baby may be particularly hard on you for any reason? It sounds like she sees you as her baby still and maybe you telling her you want a baby is just a shock..

YellowFlower22 Tue 10-Mar-20 20:23:23

Maybe she will be different the next time you see her, it could of just thrown her and been abit of a shock.

buckeejit Tue 10-Mar-20 20:35:14

TMI imo. And she maybe doesn't like your partner. How long have you been together?

I'd go for a little more discretion if possible. Understand she's your mum but she doesn't need to know everything.

Sees a 14 year old? Do you get preferential treatment at work?

whatsthecraic91 Tue 10-Mar-20 21:04:07

I would never ever tell my mum I'm TTC, it's pretty much you saying you're having sex, what mother wants to think that of their child 🙈

YellowFlower22 Tue 10-Mar-20 21:07:54

I'm close to my mum and she is aware we are ttc. Some families are just closer than others there's no problem with either I don't think. You're either a sharer or private. I like the support and guidance.
Op do you think maybe it's also because she's realising she's then getting older? My dad freaked out when my brother announced they were expecting and didn't want to be called grandad etc but then once baby arrived he's absolutely loving it!

WatchOutLurkerAbout Tue 10-Mar-20 22:06:13

Maybe she's just freaking out because it's a major step in her kids life. The comment about still seeing you as a kid rings true to things my mum said. She found it really hard because she was scared for me, scared of miscarriages which are prevalent in our family, a bad pregnancy, a bad birth. I'm still her kid in the end and she said it was far worse seeing me go through those things than dealing with it when she went through it.

Just give her time to adjust.

lsmbx Wed 11-Mar-20 08:49:44

She definitely isn't shocked by the fact I'm 'having sex' she has literally asked me in the past when I was with my ex if I was having enough orgasms 😂😂😂

My partner works for her too and she thinks he is a really wonderful guy, she knows him very well. I own my own home (we live in it together) and he owns a home too which he now rents out. We have been together almost 3 years. I am very financially secure in myself, as is he.

We discuss marriage all the time but it isn't a major thing for us to do before a baby. my nan has mentioned to me before about the security of marriage but she was still left high and dry with a baby and a toddler and my parents marriage ended horribly as did my partners parents marriage..

My mother has literally said to me in the past 'oh just have a baby it's your time' so I'm just really confused!

I work part time for her and it's not a major role in the company so it's something that could easily be managed in my absence.

I think she is just shocked that it is actually happening and I'm not her little girl anymore, I'm sure when my kids are my age I'll understand.

OP’s posts: |
inahaze Wed 11-Mar-20 09:12:55

maybe it's the reality of her daughter growing up and the prospect of being a grandmother hitting her hard!

Shinyletsbebadguys Wed 11-Mar-20 09:22:58

I would think it's just the reality of you being adult enough to have a baby. She may know it in theory and have talked about grandchildren but sometimes it's easier when it's an abstract concept. Now I grant you my DP are entirely batshit but on this subject they did something similar which turned out to be very reasonable.

I found out I had PCOS and for medical information I was asking my dm about my medical history as a child, she asked why and I explained that I had been told I had PCOS and that it may make it difficult to conceive. She went very quiet and then asked all sorts of questions about whether I was ready and what was I thinking ?

I was stunned and pointed out I was 30 and had been married for three years and what in the actual helk was she panicking as if I was 15 and had told her I was pregnant.

After a few days she actually admitted she realised she was being nuts but it was just the reality for her of me being old enough etc etc. She knew it in theory it was just the reality had taken her aback.

Plus in my dm case she is self centred so it made he rthinknof her mortality. But as I said she is a bit batshit.

SleepingStandingUp Wed 11-Mar-20 17:15:56

Just ask her. If you can discuss your orgasms you can ask why she looked so upset

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