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I'm done waiting I'm ready for a baby now.

(6 Posts)
Jess251994 Thu 20-Feb-20 00:44:59

So basically I'm so ready for a baby and to settle down etc. Me and my fiance have been together 6 years nearly 7. About 4 years ago the topic of baby's came up (I'd of had one there and then I've always been ready) well he started uni late change in career and wanted till wait he finished uni. I totaly understand and we agreed when he finished we would begin trying. So we like comprised I guess. He's due to finish this may. Well now he's decided he wants to do his master and PhD and wants to wait but that's another 5 years I've already waited 4 and my biggest fear is in 5 years he could again go well actually I want to settle in a job couple years or something. I try and talk to him but he brushes it off all the time or tell me to stop "nagging" or "going on" and he says he wants kids and tells me to give him time but honestly I'd of had kids by now if I was with some one willing and I know its not fair to say but I really do resent him a bit and feel like he's holding me back. Obviously I don't want us to split I love him and were great untill baby topic is brought up. I just think it's really unfair to set out a plan then change it without any consideration. He said he can't have a baby and uni at the same time because it's to much work but I started uni last year and well aware it will be alot of work but as far as I'm concerned it would be the same as working job so completely irrelevant argument in my opinion. I don't know what do you think do I need to just wait a couple more years or is he being unfair?
Side note: my family go through menopause early so between 35/40 and if we wait till he does another 5 years then I'll be 31 and that's a little nerve recking and another reason I don't want to be leaving it so late he know this but keeps brushing it of as me being dramatic)

OP’s posts: |
biscuit13 Thu 20-Feb-20 08:47:05

@Jess251994 that's a really difficult situation. I'm totally with you though, men dont seem to understand the feeling of wanting a baby, for a girl it's so overwhelming and just in you and you cant stop feeling it or thinking about it. But men just seem able to push it back a few years without any thought.
I was in the same situation with my husband, got married last year, I'm nearly 27 and hes 31 and I've been ready for a baby for so long but we wanted to be married first, then he wanted to have a bit of "us" time which is fair enough, then he was saying hes just not ready and I spent so long being upset because I thought theres literally nothing stopping us now but he just doesnt want it. But the thing that really helped was actually talking to him about a bit more of the science so like how much the chances of conceiving go down after certain ages, the fact that theres only about a 25%chance of healthy couples conceiving each month, and that it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to conceive.
He admitted that he didnt know any of that stuff so I think helped him to understand that we weren't starting "early" but needed to get going because it could take a long time. Maybe this might help if you haven't tried already.
Also I kinda eased him into it, so he did finally agree to stop using condoms, and we said we will just carry on as normal but without protection, he felt ok with that and then I mentioned about being fertile so wanted to dtd a couple of times, he felt a bit nervous but then when my period came he realised it doesnt just happen straight away and he was actually disappointed. That was a turning point and from then he agreed to actively try because he now wants a baby too.
Sorry for the long message, hope it helps.

Jess251994 Thu 20-Feb-20 10:26:18

@biscuit13 thank you I will definitely try mentioning that healthy couples only have 25% chance and hopefully that will be less scary for him. I found a few things online linked to our uni and we would get help with child care from the uni so thats one less thing for him to worry about so fingers crossed he will see my side of things. Nows such a perfect time to try I'm only doing an access course so taking a year out now is better than half way in to the actual course so I'm going to throw all this info at him and pray haha!!

OP’s posts: |
biscuit13 Thu 20-Feb-20 10:37:51

@jess251994 that's good that you've already looked into all this stuff, overcome his objections and he might then think about it differently. As hard as it is I've learnt that I can't push him, he has to come to it on his own.
Good luck!

DameSylvieKrin Thu 20-Feb-20 10:40:42

You can have tests to find out your AMH and FSH levels to give you more information on your fertility and whether you are close to menopause. That might make waiting easier.
For many people their financial status is more stable the longer they wait.

Sdoo4 Thu 20-Feb-20 11:23:04

Hi @Jess251994 I’m 31, I was never interested in having a baby until the past year. Everyone else seems to be pregnant, couples I know that haven’t been long got pregnant and have now had the baby. My boyfriend is 5 years younger than me so he kept saying we’ll try soon, he wasn’t ready and I felt the same, I resented him for it a bit. I was so upset and worried that I’m getting older, worried it might not happen. They just don’t seem to think that way. As mentioned above my boyfriend thought it just happened, one of his friends from school got a girl pregnant his first ever time having sex! So he didn’t know it could take a long time, I’ve had to explain it might not happen for a while, especially as I’m a bit older now too and it’s good to start trying. We are on our second month of trying now so hopefully it’s not too long for us. It’s good to chat maybe suggest trying next year to give him extra time and explain it could take months so it’s not so scary as thinking they’ll have a baby so soon.

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