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42..... is it mad to try for another baby at this age?

(46 Posts)
Oldasthehills Tue 04-Sep-07 13:54:37

They may offer to do that jump start of your ovaries thing for me and I would love another but suddenly feel so old!!! Haven't managed to get pg since ds (7) except for one mc.
I'm just so frightened of it being too late but getting my hopes up etc.
Anyone feel encouraging?
My 43 year old friend's having a great pg at the moment!

Brangelina Tue 04-Sep-07 13:59:39

I hope not, as that's when I'll be starting to ttc n°2. I had DD at 39 and no probs whatsoever, plus a friend of mine had her 2ns at 43 so I'm sure you'll be alright.

RGPargy Tue 04-Sep-07 14:01:00

Go for it!! I'm pg with no. 2 at 39 and hope to TTC no. 3 at the end of next year(ish).

Good luck!!

DarrellRivers Tue 04-Sep-07 14:02:33

Go for it
You lot have cheered me up

Blu Tue 04-Sep-07 14:03:08

I was 42 whan DS was can happen, and often does (everyone in our NCT group was close to 40 one way or another), but you either will or will not be still fertile, so I guess managing the way you get your hopes up will be crucial.

unicorn Tue 04-Sep-07 14:04:08

Go for it!
I'm pg with number 3..(didn't quite expect to conceive so quickly)and I'm......
43 (arghhhhhh - due in Oct and feeling it!)

NAB3 Tue 04-Sep-07 14:04:52

It might be mad to try but tbh it is mad to have kids at any age!!! They drive you mad, cost you a fortune and stop you sleeping, but none of us would be without them. Good luck with getting pg and I hope it all goes well.

Kewcumber Tue 04-Sep-07 14:05:24

presumably your FSH levels will give you an idea of how fertile you're likely to be. Otehr than lower chance of suceeding, can't see why you wouldn't try if you want another - you won't know until you try.

evenhope Tue 04-Sep-07 14:09:46

I had my DD2 2 months before I turned 44 grin

She's almost 6 months old and she is adorable.

I conceived twice at 42 (2x missed m/c) with no effort despite my first child taking 18 mo to conceive when I was 20!

expatinscotland Tue 04-Sep-07 14:10:29

Go for it!

My dad's mum had her 6th at 47 - not planned, though wink

Better you than me .

belgo Tue 04-Sep-07 14:14:15

Oldasthehills - as long as you know the risks of miscarriage/infertilty increase with age, I don't see why you shouldn't try. Also the risk of certain disabilities increases with age. Also the chances of having twins.

Having said that, everything may turn out fine. Good lucksmile

Oldasthehills Tue 04-Sep-07 14:17:42

Thanks for these posts, I really appreciate it. I don't talk to anyone about these investigations, i just hate the pitying looks I get. I like to think what will be will be, if it works then it was meant to be sort of thing.
I wonder whether it's the thought of going through another miscarriage (I've only had one) is what scares me - but I"m not even pg and I always been profoundly infertile, ds was some kind of fluke! So you're right Blu - I think it's all about the expectations.
People are little cheeksuckingin about my 43 yr old friend who's pg but overall maternity does seem to have stretched to the older being more common doesn't it?
I'll see what obs says on weds, they've been testing my blood and I had one of those ink jobs - my tubes are apparently fine. So who knows I guess I should just see what happens. But I feel irrationally supersititious that as I've left it too late I'll be 'punished' with a mc or a baby that is unwell or some such thing. I do wish I'd tried harder earlier but it just took me forever to get over the mc (2.5 years ago). Thanks again, I think it's good for me to communicate about it a little even if only anonymously here! I had just stopped talking about it to anyone except dh. My brother just had a ds and loads of my friends are pg again. It's really hard to except that's it for me somehow.

NAB3 Tue 04-Sep-07 14:20:38

Having a m/c is not a punishment. It is part of life's crap. It takes some time to get over and only you can know when it feels right to try again. I have lost 2 babies and would love more but it is just the way things have gone for us.

Take no notice of anyone else's comments. Your body, your baby, your life.

Good luck.

NAB3 Tue 04-Sep-07 14:20:38

Having a m/c is not a punishment. It is part of life's crap. It takes some time to get over and only you can know when it feels right to try again. I have lost 2 babies and would love more but it is just the way things have gone for us.

Take no notice of anyone else's comments. Your body, your baby, your life.

Good luck.

Oldasthehills Tue 04-Sep-07 14:22:03

Thanks thanks thanks for posts!
I feel so relieved to be talking about it a bit! I think I've been sort of mentally blocked on the subject!\
Expat - 47 that's amazing! but I suppose all the others helped did they??!!
You've all cheered me up
I love mumsnet
(I name changed for this post - that's how paranoid I am about this subject!)

Oldasthehills Tue 04-Sep-07 14:25:16

You know NAB3, it is hard to even calculate how hard a mc can be isn't it? Everyone seems to take it slightly differently, some people take years, I think I'm only recently over it actually! It has taken a long time, I wish I could have hurried it but maybe I couldn't have even if I'd tried.

expatinscotland Tue 04-Sep-07 14:26:46

Well, considering she had her first at 16 - a little girl who unfortunately died at the age of 12 from Spanish flu along w/my gran's first husband - and then had 4 more during her 30s, there was quite a range there!

She thought she was having the menopause, but obviously fell pregnant somewhere in there. Gave birth to a healthy baby boy at home, like all the others, who is now an anaesthetist.

Anchovy Tue 04-Sep-07 14:36:13

I'm quite interested in all this (I'm just 43 - DCs are 5 and 3).

Few thoughts: I think, a bit like Expat has said, old people have always had babies. If you look back to large families of 10-12 children there were often babies being born at the tail end to mothers well into their 40's.

I think statistics also always need to be looked at carefully. I know fertility does decline with age, but one reason why not many people in their early 40's have babies is because a lot less women in their early 40's are trying to have babies than women in their early thirties.

I also think statistics are averages and fertility is very personal. I had my DCs at 37 and 39 - the second one conceived on the first attempt (eeek! made me profundly grateful for being careful with contraception when I was a carefree student!) I suspect some people in their early 40's could conceive reasonably easily.

I think also things are changing. Women having babies in their forties previously were often old and clapped out (grin) While I don't think you can change the basic points of declining fertility etc, better nutrition, better general health and all sorts of medical advances make it a different ball game.

NAB3 Tue 04-Sep-07 14:37:51

I feel terrible as I feel so differently about my 2 m/cs. The first one I was calm and just grateful to have had 2 children already without it happening before. My DH was much more upset than me. When the due date came around I was really low but on the whole I am okay. I conceived again two months later, this time twins, and lost one of the babies. The other survived and is now a gorgeous, eatable, so adorable 2 year old but I will never stop wishing his brother was here. Different feelings for different circumstances but I do feel guilty about my differing feelings.

expatinscotland Tue 04-Sep-07 14:42:16

It could be, too, Anchovy, that in the past, when older people had babies, it was NOT usually their first or second ones.

Most of the time, when a woman in her 40s had a baby, she'd had quite a few already, like my grandmother.

Also, there usually wasn't a period of heavy partying, recreational drug use/alcohol consumption or recreational smoking that many women nowadays had in their 20s or 30s, all of which can affect egg quality.

Or years and years of pill/contraception use or multiple casual partners, all of which have now risen the number of cases of STDs in men and women in their mid-30s and up and some of which can compromise fertility.

Yes, older people have always had babies, but usually it was because it couldn't be avoided - lack of birth control, marital rape legal, etc.

Anchovy Tue 04-Sep-07 14:45:20

Yes, Expat, I agree.

Mind you, my relatives who had children late had had bloody hard lives up to then and absolutely no ante-natal care (wasn't available to peasants in East Anglia!). I'm not sure if that is better or worse for you than drink, recreational drugs and multiple partners in fertility terms (I know which sounds the most fun!)

diplodocus Tue 04-Sep-07 14:45:45

I had my first DD at 41 and am now pregnant again having just turned 43. Both pregnancies fine so far. Certainly no regrets! Obviously there are some extra risks which I'm sure you're very aware of, but for most (except, unfortunately, miscarriage) they're still quite low. I also agree with Anchovy - and I think some of the risk associated with older mums are actually that they are more likely to have an ongoing health problem rather than the actual "age" thing so if you're healthy the risks aren't really so marked (IYSWIM!). Think it also depends a bit where you live - ancient mothers are two a penny where I live, which makes it seem a lot less of a big deal!

Anchovy Tue 04-Sep-07 14:52:58

Yes, entirely common where I live as well.

I would be very surprised if many of the mothers in my 3 year old DDs class are a whole lot younger than me and a couple are probably older. DS's best friend at nursery school's mother was 45 when he was born.

All this adding fuel to DH's fire. hmm

Dinosaur Tue 04-Sep-07 14:54:37

Wow, Anchovy!

Very hard to go back to work after DC3, ime.

Anchovy Tue 04-Sep-07 14:56:30

Well, DD starts school, erm, day after tomorrow so DH thinks that another baby would be a good way of occupying our nanny.


Time for a nice complicated M&A transaction to keep me out of the house, methinks.

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