Chemical sadness

[runnerttc]

Why did no one ever tell us how miserable this journey could be? After 12 months of TTC I finally got my first BFP on Thursday last week. I had already assumed I was out that month as I got a very weird early period on day 23 which was only 2 days and mostly brown/pink. Then nothing, then brown spotting on and off for a couple of days. I got to cycle day 36 and as no real AF I did a test. As I'm sure you can imagine I was over the moon, I did 3 that day (so not just using FMU) and all positive. I called the doctors after feeling a bit confused and mentioned the spotting. Anyway after a trip to the EPU, an internal scan and blood tests I was told my progesterone was low (only 1) and it was looking very unlikely I was pregnant.

Devastated and confused.

They want to re-test Tuesday to confirm what they think- that my levels will have dropped.

Because I'm a crazy TTC girl I then proceeded to test multiple times since then... every one has been positive but definitely not big or fat. More like big faint positive.

I feel so frustrated and just want to start this cycle again. Anyone else experienced similar? When did you next ovulate?

[newmum2020]

Hi @runnerttc I also got my BFP last Thursday after having miscarriage in November. Was thrilled but naturally anxious after last time. Last night I started to bleed, small amounts at first then more, with some on a pad. I also had very mild cramps. This morning there's very little blood and I'm so confused, I'm almost certain I've had a chemical but I suppose I need to get that confirmed so I'll call the midwife later for advice.

Just wanted to say you're not alone, this is so awful. I just can't stop crying 😢

[runnerttc]

Oh @newmum2020 I'm so sorry. Let me know how you get on with the midwife. God this is so hard! I just feel at such a loss and not sure what to do with myself, I know I need to stop testing but I can't help myself. I guess I'm just desperately clinging onto any slight hope... although I'm pretty certain it's gone. Was this the first cycle back to normal after November?

[newmum2020]

Yes first cycle, we couldn't believe our luck. Ironic that we can get pregnant so easily but it can't develop as it should. I've stopped bleeding now but just done another digital tests and it has changed from 2-3 weeks to 1-2 so I guess that speaks for itself.

Sorry you're going through this, it's truly heartbreaking xx

[runnerttc]

🌷Have you been to the doctors about why it might be happening? I wish I knew what I could do to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm dreading going to the hospital tomorrow for them to confirm what I already know. I just want my next cycle to start now.

[newmum2020]

I haven't no and I think I'm too late now as I'll be 40 in March so the nhs won't be able to do anything to help. The ironic thing is I never wanted kids but then we decided to see what happened and when I fell pregnant last year we realised how much we did want it. Now I feel so angry at myself for waiting as I know in my heart we won't ever have a baby now.

I called early pregnancy unit they just said take another test in a week, too early for them to get me in and don't call GP as they aren't interested til 3rd miscarriage.

How are you bearing up? What time is your appointment tomorrow?

[Nicecupofcoco]

Hi @runnerttc I'm so sorry if it does turn out to be a chemical. I had one back in August, it really is gutting!
I had the faint positives, slowly getting lighter, and then bleeding. The bleeding was heavier than my usual period, and I did feel alittle light headed with it at times, but it wasn't painful physically. I didn't consult a Dr or midwife with mine, I just waited for the bleeding to stop and once I'd gotten my negative, was straight into the next cycle, as sad as it is.
I just wanted to let both you ladies know that if you feel up to keep trying, then they say you are more fertile after a chemical/early loss, so if you feel you want to go straight into next cycle then that's OK. I did concieve the cycle after my chemical loss. So please don't give up hope. I know it's a long hard journey. All the best to you both!

[runnerttc]

Thank you both. And congrats @nicecupofcoco! Really reassuring to hear that you conceived straight after. I'm still really confused if I'm completely honest, my blood test tomorrow is mid morning but I wont get the results until mid afternoon. I know in my gut itll be not pregnant but the faint lines were still there this morning so its hard not to cling onto a sign of hope. I guess tomorrow I'll know for sure! I'm unsure when I'll next ovulate as I didn't really have a period this month, just brown spotting. So my last normal period was w/c 18th Dec. We're just planning on DTD lots and hope for the best until either AF arrives (but also hoping she never does!)

[runnerttc]

Thank you both. And congrats @nicecupofcoco! Really reassuring to hear that you conceived straight after. I'm still really confused if I'm completely honest, my blood test tomorrow is mid morning but I wont get the results until mid afternoon. I know in my gut itll be not pregnant but the faint lines were still there this morning so its hard not to cling onto a sign of hope. I guess tomorrow I'll know for sure! I'm unsure when I'll next ovulate as I didn't really have a period this month, just brown spotting. So my last normal period was w/c 18th Dec. We're just planning on DTD lots and hope for the best until either AF arrives (but also hoping she never does!)
@newmum2020, dont give up hope, you're still not out. Next cycle could be yours x

[Nicecupofcoco]

Thank you @runnerttc how are you feeling now? How was the blood test? Its a hard time. I found that with mine, I began to feel more positive as I moved into a new cycle. Though take all the time to grieve and cry that you need too. It'll be OK, hope you have people round you to chat to and support you. Hugs.