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Anyone TTC first baby, aged 35 or over?

(125 Posts)
Honolulu1 Sun 26-Jan-20 14:43:07

Hello ladies,

Just looking for some pals who are in similar situation to me - hopefully we can support each other in this emotional journey. I'm 35, OH is 38 and we've been TTC first baby for over 12 months overall now (11 months trying). I naively thought it would be easier (emotionally and physically) than this. We sadly miscarried early in Sept so feeling even more cheated that we don't have out BFP by now. My GP has done tests which have all come back normal and have been referred to gynaecology, 1st appt in March. No idea what to expect from that confused

Would love to hear from others in similar situations, for a bit of moral support. I'm currently 2dpo; feel I should be more than used to 2ww by now, but it doesn't seem to get any easier x

Positivity2019 Sun 26-Jan-20 18:37:05

Hi @Honolulu1. Very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That must’ve been a difficult time and I’m sure it still weighs on your mind. I
I’m 35, 36 this September and we’ve been trying for our first since June 2019. In our 6th cycle as we allowed 3 cycles for everything to get back to normal after coming off the pill. I’ve a sneaking suspicion it’s actually taken a little longer for my cycles to settle down as they’ve been quite irregular and only these past three months have I started to see a pattern in my cycles. I’ve not had a whiff of a positive and like you I went into this naively thinking I would be pregnant quickly. Never been on such a rollercoaster of emotions and had something consume my life so much.
I have just entered my fertile period, possible ovulation on tues or thurs next week. Trying not to symptom spot or stress this month and simply DTD every day and log my data as accurately as I can.
Fingers crossed 2020 is our year!!

paintfairy Sun 26-Jan-20 18:48:46

I'm 37 (literally just) and we've only just recently started trying. This is my first month intentionally. But last month we actually used no contraception without discussion, so really it's the second time. Lol. My DH is 9 years older than me though.

Honolulu1 Sun 26-Jan-20 20:23:44

Hi @Positivity2019 that's good that your cycles have started to settle now. It's much more helpful when you have a handle on your patterns so you can start to predict dates and understand what's normal for you. My cycles were quite disrupted after the MC, but seem to be back to normal now. Like you I'm trying not to stress as much this month, as I've been really stressy with it since Sept. It takes over your life if you let it! So I haven't used OPK's and stopped temping and have just being going with the flow DTD regulary rather than scheduled. Still using my app though and I find talking helps. That's exciting you're almost in fertile week...happy bbdancing
- the fun part of all this 🤣. I'm 36 in Sept also! Hopefully will have some happy news this year

Hi @paintfairy hope you had fun celebrating your 37th recently! How exciting to be beginning your TTC journey and hope it will be short and stress free. Where are you up to with your cycle this month? Are your cycles usually quite regular/predictable? x

Positivity2019 Sun 26-Jan-20 20:48:38

@Honolulu1 it sure is the best time of all of this and I am usually at my most positive during the fertile days and through the TWW. I’d say the few days before AF is due I get incredibly high hopes tinged with an overwhelming feeling that we haven’t done it this time. It’s so conflicting. Then AF just devastates me and then it all starts again with a positive attitude for the new month.
Have you been using pre-natal vitamins and pre-seed etc?
@paintfairy good luck for your journey. I hope it’s a quick process for you guys.

MimiArm Sun 26-Jan-20 21:50:14

@Honolulu1 Hi there. Sorry to hear about your MC. I'm sure that was heartbreaking.

I'm 38 and OH is 36. TTC for the first time. I was on mini pill off and on for years. Came off it mid December and haven't had a period yet. This is strange as all other times I stopped it, I had a period pretty quickly. For weeks I had AF type symptoms (sore boobs, etc) then they would go away. Got the clearblue digital and had 7 days flashing smilies then it broke! Got another and nothing for a week or so then 5 days flashing and finally got a static last Monday so think
I'm now 4 DPO.

I'm convinced myself that there must be something wrong with me since I've never gotten pregnant before (albeit unintentionally, from missing pills, etc). So currently waiting it out.

I really wish I had have stopped pill months before we started TTC as now I fear I've wasted months if cycle isn't regulated and I'm worried that at my age, I can't afford to have lost months.

EB211 Sun 26-Jan-20 22:22:49

Hello, I’m about to turn 36 (in April) my hubs is 39 in September. We haven’t used contraception for two months and just started using ovulation tests this month. I'm worried it’s going to take ages. It’s annoying that everything I read is very favourable to under 35s and then over is a bit less positive! I think if nothings happened in another 2/3 months I might go to the doctor. I know it’s silly but I feel under such a time pressure sad doesn’t help that most of my friends had their first baby at 31/32.

I’m one DPO, so have an annoying 2 week wait now! X

paintfairy Sun 26-Jan-20 22:35:05

I came off the mini pill in June 2018. My periods settled quickly really. Usually around a 27 day cycle. I seem to be quite sensitive though, I tend to spot when I ovulate. I also spot in my luteal phase. Sometimes a lot. Does my head in! I'm 9dpo right now, AF due next Saturday. So another week left of wondering!

Honolulu1 Mon 27-Jan-20 15:39:16

@Positivity2019 Yes I have been taking pre-natal vitamins for what feels like a lifetime. I started taking folic acid 3 months before the TTC journey started and have upgraded this to Proceive max sachets a couple of months ago. I'm not sure that the latter are giving me any extra benefit, and they're quite pricey (though 3 for 2 at Boots), so think I'll switch to something cheaper when I run out. My OH is taking the male version also. We haven't tried Preseed, but have used a similar product - Conceive Plus. My OH doesn't like lube though so it's not made a regular occurrence. What have you been using?

Honolulu1 Mon 27-Jan-20 16:06:59

Hi @MimiArm - That does sound odd that your period didn't come back as quickly as previously, and must be frustrating. But at least you have the help of the OPK's to pinpoint ovulation so you don't miss this, as that's the main thing. How long were your cycles when on the mini pill? I have used the clear blue ovulation tests also, but got soooo sick of seeing flashing smilies (I had a 7 day run of them in Decembers cycle) - it's such a relief to get a solid smiley, so great that you got one (eventually!). I know what you mean about the time challenge, and it does play on your mind if you've not conceived before. I do fear that I've left it too little late, but I have to remind myself that there are so many ladies who have successful pregnancies well into their 40's, so it's not too late for us at all!

Honolulu1 Mon 27-Jan-20 16:21:05

Hi @EB211 -which ovulation tests are you using? It is a little worrying about what you read about being over 35. It took me 5 months last time to conceive, and I hold dear what my GP said to me when I went to see her for tests, the fabulous words "you're still young".

I can't see how suddenly turning a specific age would suddenly affect things so drastically anyway, and there are plenty of younger ladies who also struggle also. Actually lots of my friends and their friends who have conceived in their mid- late 30's have gone on to have twins.... so that's something to think about also smile

Do you have any nice distractions to get you through the TWW?

MimiArm Mon 27-Jan-20 16:28:28

@Honolulu1 - I take comfort that my mum conceived my sister when she was 45 :-)

I never had any cycles whilst on the mini pill as you don't ever take a break so don't ever get a period. The last time I stopped minipill was March 2019 for two months (just to check that all was normal) and periods returned like clockwork immediately!

Perhaps it's all this stressing about it this time around, eh! As you say though, flashing smilies are very, very annoying! I was never so glad to see the static! Amen to OPKs!

EB211 Mon 27-Jan-20 16:46:23

Hey @honolulu1- I'm using the ClearBlue digital advanced, seems good but its the only one I've tried so far! I had 7 days HF and then peaked. Which one do you use?

That's so nice to hear! And quite rare. I know, it doesn't make sense. They make it sound like your fertility just falls off a cliff.

I'm going to try not spend the next two weeks googling everything haha. We have a few things planned - dinner with friends and i'm going to do some house bits in the evening to keep me distracted. How about you? x

Honolulu1 Mon 27-Jan-20 16:54:54

That's nice positive thing about your mum @MimiArm. My mum was in her very late 30's when she had my brother...i forget to remind myself about that smile

Sorry for my complete lack of knowledge about pills...I had a coil for most of my adult life as I could never get used to taking a tablet each day. My periods were virtually unaffected throughout and beyond. Only thing that rocked the boat was MC.

Yes I think stress has a lot to do with it tbh, and I have really been a stress queen until this month. I'm trying to do more relaxing things like yoga, long walks, lavender oil in my diffuser at home etc. And yet I still know exactly how many days left until my period. I am proud that I have not googled any symptoms so far this TWW!

wishing3 Mon 27-Jan-20 18:31:23

Hi ladies, can I join please?! I'm 38 and have just started TTC a first child with my boyfriend. Finding all of the info out there a bit confusing to make sense of. I had ovulation pains yesterday, but apparently they're just before ovulation, so that's the ideal time for DTD? My clear blue ovulation stick hasn't detected anything though, and I've just broken it! Doh! Hope everyone is having a nice zen evening! x

wishing3 Mon 27-Jan-20 18:32:41

Also - I have a number of friends in late 30s/ 40 years old who've had babies. Fingers crossed for us.

Positivity2019 Mon 27-Jan-20 18:48:20

Hi @MimiArm hopefully this is your month. Good luck for your TWW. I agree with you about wishing to have stopped sooner. It just seems to take so much longer than I thought it was going to. That is good news about your mum having your sibling late. I am constantly worrying about this never happening for me and then I think that my mum never had any problems and her sister, my auntie had her three kids very late 30’s and into her 40’s. So gotta hope and pray I got those genes.

@EB211 I’ve also read so much about being over 35 and TTC and I think the fertility rate for over 35’s only drops something like 4% versus under 35’s. So it’s not too bad. It’s more of a gradual decline I think. Good luck for your TWW.

@Honolulu1 The same as you I feel like I’ve been using vitamins for ages. I started off using seven seas trying to conceive about two months before I came off the pill but now I use Pregnacare and my partner uses the male version. We’ve used Pre-Seed too but like you it’s not something we use often as it’s not entirely needed I don’t think. Handy to have and use if needed.

I would absolutely agree that stress is a huge factor. Can’t quite believe how much it affects things actually. I was always a steady 28 day cycle all my life and ever since I’ve actually been actively TTC it’s gone so irregular. It’s so annoying.

Morgane777 Mon 27-Jan-20 22:37:16

Hello Ladies!
I want to join!
I'm 38 and my DH 34.
We are trying for our first baby. I stopped the pill in August and been "officially" trying since September.
I've been in a roller coaster. My first three cycles I was symptom spotting and every time I thought I was pregnant... then deceived every time.
I'm taking it more relaxed now, keeping hope!

Honolulu1 Tue 28-Jan-20 12:58:35

Welcome to the thread @wishing3 and @Morgane777 -you are amongst friends here smile. @wishing yes it sounds like a good time to DTD if you have ovulation pains. Do you get them each month? I had noticed them for the last few cycles of last year, but not had any this month and ovulated (I hope!) last week.

I have used most brands of ovulation tests @EB211, but settled on the Clear Blue advanced as they are, well, clearer! and can use them in the morning rather than some others that you have to do after holding bladder for 4 hours which I struggled with. I'm trying to keep distracted in the TWW with lots exciting wedding and honeymoon planning - OH surprised me recently proposing. But even that isn't a full distraction as I have thoughts like...'I wonder if I'll fit into my dress if I get pregnant', and then scoping honeymoon destinations based on if they have zika virus.

Hope everyone is having a nice day. It lovely and sunny here in Manchester which always helps with positivity for me smile x

MLR11 Tue 28-Jan-20 13:16:05

I'm 36. I had an operation in June 2018 to remove some endometriosis scarring and a polyp.

My last period started 20th December. I didn't do the baby dance until 6th January - 17 days after periods starting. Not sure if i conceived that day, or maybe even the day after- 18 days. My cycles are always 29 days....therefore, the whole 'you ovulate 12-14 days after your period' rule is not accurate.

I got a BFP on the day of my missed period, which should have been 18th January. Even ovulating late on the 6/7 - baby still had 11 days to attach.

Good luck. Im terrified of something going wrong sad

EB211 Tue 28-Jan-20 15:31:04

@Honolulu1 congratulations! smile We got married in November so all that wedding planning excitement is still quite fresh in my mind. I wish I had that now to distract myself. Have you set a date yet? I guess you can have a nice flowy/boho dress smile

@Positivity2019 Yeah thats not much at all! I still don't think they should be called geriatric pregnancies!

Morgane777 Tue 28-Jan-20 15:59:48

Thanks @Honolulu1!
Congratulations on the wedding!
We have wedding plans this year as well! But we wanted to know if I get pregnant or now to plan our marriage! So we've been waiting for my BFP! I think we'll choose a date soon, even if I end up getting married with a big belly! grin

paintfairy Tue 28-Jan-20 16:56:22

We got married in October. I wanted to be married before pregnancy stress. So it is all still fresh in my mind too! I can recommend Mauritius for honeymoon! grin

Morgane777 Tue 28-Jan-20 17:31:50

Nice!! Congratulations!!
Wow Mauritius sounds wonderful!!
We're thinking about getting married in September! But if I get pregnant this month or the one after that, I'll have a big belly! blush

paintfairy Tue 28-Jan-20 17:52:20

That's why we held off. I was being selfish and wanted to enjoy my wedding/ honeymoon. Plus- weddings are bloody stressful and a full time job planning! Mauritius is amazing. Best place I've ever been. Although, hardly can compare it to tenerife anyway! Lol.

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