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My partner says he wants to start a family with me, but I’m not sure he does

(12 Posts)
Scarlettm Thu 10-Oct-19 15:22:38

My partner and I recently decided we were going to start trying for a baby. We’ve had this conversation many times before but he’s not been quite ready. I’ve been waiting for years and am desperate to start a family while we’re still young. He says he’s not scared of having a baby but more of the financial responsibility of having one. We were supposed to start trying last month but found out I had an ovarian cyst and we should wait. The cyst is now gone and my fertile window for this month is now, yet he keeps making excuses to not BD. I don’t really know how to handle the situation or how to talk to him about it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Scarlettm Thu 10-Oct-19 17:05:30

I just got my first positive OPK

CmdrCressidaDuck Thu 10-Oct-19 17:08:43

How old are you both?

Does he turn down sex at other times?

Have you told him it's your fertile window? That's a deeply unsexy approach for many people.

Ultimately, if you're going to have children with him you need to be able to have honest conversations with him - so if you feel like he's avoiding sex with you that's what you will need to say to him.

(Also, please do not say BD. We're all grownups.)

Dyrne Thu 10-Oct-19 17:10:41

Absolutely do not try and force the issue this month.

If the concern is financial, have you sat down with him and worked out the figures? I have a literal spreadsheet with the amount I’d need to save to have a year’s maternity, costs of nursery vs salary, options for going part time etc. Maybe you could do the same with him?

When you say “while you’re still young” - how young are you? And how long have you been together?

Dyrne Thu 10-Oct-19 17:14:51

(Am frantically trying to think of what BD could stand for. I know from the context but the specific words are escaping me: Blow Dick? Bed Down? Baby Daddy? Balls Deep?)

MangoSpice Thu 10-Oct-19 17:16:54

@Dyrne it's Baby Dance glitterball

Dyrne Thu 10-Oct-19 17:17:56

Aah thank you! No way I’d have gotten that grin

Scarlettm Thu 10-Oct-19 17:18:37

No he doesn’t turn down sex at other times.
I’ve have not told him I’m in my window. I know he’s working a lot so I don’t know if he’s feigning tiredness or is actually tired. I’ve have said to him it feels like he’s avoiding it but didn’t really get a clear answer.
We’re engaged but the actual wedding date is still 2 years away. He’s 25 I’m 23.

Scarlettm Thu 10-Oct-19 17:20:02

Been together for 5 years

Scarlettm Thu 10-Oct-19 17:25:11

We have talked about what sort of money we’d need. Yes, maybe a spreadsheet would be a good idea.

CmdrCressidaDuck Thu 10-Oct-19 18:08:27

It is often gonna happen in TTC that you can't or one of you doesn't want to have sex at peak fertile time. Month one is definitely not the time to push the issue - and you are still both very young. If you've been pushing this for years he may be finding the whole issue something of a turn-off.

Let this month go and see how things go this month. You've no need to be in a rush.

CmdrCressidaDuck Thu 10-Oct-19 18:08:41

*next month, that is.

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