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How do you cope when yet again your period comes?

(15 Posts)
theotherfossilsister Thu 10-Oct-19 11:18:18

Hello, just looking for some advice. Period not due til twenty first but I need resilience to not fall to pieces when she comes. We've done everything 'right' this month, but we had previous months too and last month was spectacularly rubbish.

My Dad has advanced pancreatic cancer and I keep thinking every month, maybe he will get to meet his grandchild but then my stupid bloody period comes again.

I'm only on cycle nine, but it feels like forever.

How do other folk cope with their period, other than doing the obsessive thing I do of working out next month's fertile days? Next time itis due I will be home with my parents so I can't break down and cry on them, as my dad is so ill. I need a healthy way to process though, and let go of the cycle just gone. Maybe learning to cope will make this easier.

Bezalelle Thu 10-Oct-19 16:18:19

I know the feeling well!

What tends to help me is a bit of forward planning for the next fertile period, to focus my mind. I also look at those statistics that say the majority of healthy couples conceive within... however long.

This might sound weird, but when I start fretting about how bloody difficult it seems to be to conceive, I think of all the billions of people in the world, who are all the result of conception. It sort of knocks a bit of sense into me that it isn't this impossible task!

flowers for you and a brew

HotChocolateLover Thu 10-Oct-19 16:21:53

So sorry OP. I really hope it happens for you. No real advice as i don’t want to be one of those annoying people who tells you
To just be patient. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing though. Are at the stage of having tests to make sure all is well with both of you?

MrsSokhi Thu 10-Oct-19 16:21:54

I don't really have any words of wisdom as I am the same but it sounds like there's a lot going on right for you which will be adding to your anxiety.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I would try and find something to take your mind off like a book or new box set. 2 weeks have never seemed to slow until now and I have found the forums on here for a 2 week wait very helpful but there is always next month for you xxx good luck xxx

Happythoughts123 Fri 11-Oct-19 00:28:16

Bless you OP I really feel for your situation. I would suggest keeping a diary and writing down thoughts/feelings/frustrations/dreams as a way of processing them. It really helps me release some of the pressure. ❤️

theotherfossilsister Fri 11-Oct-19 13:25:32

Thank you all so much. No tests yet, because it's only been nine months, and we are 34, not 35. Would it be a good idea to go and ask for tests now anyway. I 35 in May.

A diary sounds good, as does focusing on the next month. I am having such a weepy, angry day today, and even my manager has noticed that I'm distracted. It sounds ridiculous but I am angry with myself for feeling like this too, in case this anxiety somehow stops implantation. It's all the ahaha we weren't even trying people, who I keep encountering, and I wish they understood that this is hell.

Dollywilde Fri 11-Oct-19 13:39:05

No advice but flowers - I’ve been spotting the last two days on and off and every time it happens I want to cry. Seven months trying here, I have a 35 day cycle and the 3 weeks between period and ovulation I’m mostly irrationally angry at the fact there’s nothing I can do. I’m a planner and I loathe the idea that I can’t study my way into pregnancy. If you could get pregnant based on acing a test about conception I’d have had a BFP months ago smile

As such Im trying to tell myself that this is a test to see how I cope with being out of control and unable to plan. If I “pass it” by chilling the fuck out then that will make me better equipped to deal with the unpredictability that is children!

WhoArtinHeaven Fri 11-Oct-19 16:25:13

I'm so sorry about your dad, that must be so hard and just a sense of added pressure for you.

I always planned ahead to next cycle, as has already been said. Also used to treat myself when AF turned up. Usually to a duvet day, with my favourite TV/movies and loads of nice nibbles.

It's shit, but I at least found AF arriving made me feel less bleak than a negative test (because testing at all always got my hopes up).

theotherfossilsister Fri 11-Oct-19 17:40:15

@dollywilde, ha, I think I would ace any test too. I know so bloody much and have taken all the advice but it still isn't happening.

@whoartinheaven that sounds like good advice, but might test early this month, so I can cry on my partner if it is negative as opposed to being in my parents tiny village, and having no one who understands. My mother was ridiculously fertile - she conceived me on the pill at 42 - so she really doesn't get it at all.

Aunaturalmama Fri 11-Oct-19 20:30:21

I tell myself that the perfect timing might not be MY timing

Gemster19 Fri 11-Oct-19 20:58:06

I know it's so much easier said than done (I'll need to come back and read my own advice if AF shows up on Sunday!) but I try and tell myself that every month AF arrives I'm a month closer to my BFP. I know that's not an exact science, and there will be people which may include me that it's not true for, but if there's an 84% chance of getting pregnant within a year, imagine how high your chances must be in months 10, 11 and 12.

Rosieposy89 Sat 12-Oct-19 10:51:06

Sorry to hear about your Dad, that's truly awful. We have been trying 9 months too and I'm in the 2ww. I went to the GP on Monday as I have been worried about it. She really reassured me as she said it was normal for it to take this long and she isn't concerned as my periods are regular etc. She told me she'd run some tests after a year and even if there was an issue then there would likely be something they can do. I have calmed down a lot and have resolved to enjoy our baby free time its time we'll never get back. Try not to think of each month as your only opportunity to get pregnant. X

Bloom1 Sat 12-Oct-19 12:42:46

All I can say is your fortunate enough to have regular periods and plan ahead, mine are very irregular so it’s difficult to pin point and I have no idea how to do this..

Aunaturalmama Sat 12-Oct-19 14:42:21

Are you guys tracking ovulation at least three months before trying to pin point when to have sex?? Tracking cervical fluids and body temp? Or even using ovulation strips or ovulation bracelet like the Ava bracelet?
I was having trouble read a book that suggested tracking for three months and I just had my BFP! My cycle regular so I thought my ovulation was the same. Turns out it was different all three times I picked the average when I went to try and used an ovulation test to make sure and sure enough I was actually ovulating!

Ridethewaves Sat 12-Oct-19 18:25:53

Sorry to hear what you are going through @theotherfossilsister with your dad and trying to conceive. It must be so hard and no wonder you are feeling emotional.
Are your parents aware that you would like a family? I close relative of mine has recently died, whilst i was in very early pregnancy. For me it helped that he knew we hoped we would have a family and we had spoken about the future/ family together and what we hoped to do together. I very very much hope your dad will be here when you do have your family, but if this isnt to be then those chats may help too.
With regards to trying to conceive it took us 10 months after coming off contraception, every month we did 'everything right' so no idea why the tenth month was different. I hope you get your bfp soon. flowers

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