TTC #1 - third cycle and already struggling emotionally

[Madaleinerw]

Hello!

Okay so with a little more background so I don't sound like a crazy person!

2 years ago myself and my ex partner started ttc. Within 2 cycles I fell pregnant (although I didn't actually find out until 7 weeks as I have very irregular periods). sadly I miscarried at 13 weeks and am no longer with this partner.

Fast forward a year and a half and have now made the decision with my current partner. Started ttc end of April and have since had my second AF arrive yesterday. I'm finding it so much harder this time round and can't help but feel so emotional. I know it's a long process for anyone and I should be prepared for it to possibly be even longer for myself but I just can't seem to keep spirits up.

I'm hoping that talking to others and helping you all will help me stay positive and less of a crazy woman with each AF that arrives 🙈.

Thanks guys x

[Rosieposy89]

Hey, I can fully understand the struggle emotionally. We have been TTC since January without a hint of a BFP and its so hard every time AF arrives. I'm trying to carry on life as normal, booking holidays etc as I am not putting my life on hold and reminding myself it's normal to take a year. Big hugs, you're not alone x

[Madaleinerw]

@Rosieposy89 thank you for replying :). It is so hard isn't it. I am quite good at keeping busy but that day AF arrives I am just so negative and emotional :(.

A year seems like a really long time! Hopefully it won't take us that long!

[NL1986]

Hi @Madaleinerw :)

I was chatting to you on one of the other threads...little update...my AF arrived today so we are in the same boat. Even though I felt a few cramps over the last few days I couldn't help but be a bit in denial but today has definitely confirmed that its not happened again this month. This was our 6th cycle so I can completely sympathise with you and your frustrations. I am finding it so hard to even imagine getting that positive on the stick...literally cannot imagine it!


@Rosieposy89 we have been TTC since January so the same amount of time as you.

Lets try and keep ourselves positive - we are just starting a fresh new month and this could be our month...if not we are one month closer to seeing out BFP whenever it comes :)

[Madaleinerw]

@NL1986 hello again! Oh no :( sorry that it's arrived! So frustrating and disappointing.

Love the positivity and the way you're looking at it though! Hopefully it'll be our month :).

[MrsLBear]

Hi @Madaleinerw
TTC is such a rollercoaster for your emotions. I know how you feel.
We have stopped using contraception last June and I started temping and timing end of October I think. I fell pg end of December which sadly ended in a mmc in February. I'm on my 3rd cycle since my first af after having the surgery. And I'm on cd21 with no positive opk yet and my IC opks are so negative it's untrue. I'm losing the will to live.
Have you tried talking to friends?
I don't really let on to the real people in my life how it's getting me down. It's like cd1-10 I'm cool calm and collected then I become obsessed until af arrives. I know it's unhealthy but I can't help myself. I'm considering cutting all opks and temping and everything once af comes and going rogue for a few months. I was saying to my friend if I could have magical powers and someone could say right you'll be pregnant by November or whatever I'd be so ok with that as we have loads going on at the moment but it's the unknown and the whys and the what ifs. Also find it so testing having to DTD on queue and actually get anxious that we miss dates and things as we both work full on jobs and just don't tend to do it every other day naturally.

[NL1986]

@MrsLBear so sorry to hear about your MMC that must have been an awful experience. I am the same I'm not really speaking to any of my friends about it as they all fell pregnant super quickly and I'm the last one without children. I just feel like they wouldn't understand my frustrations. Its so nice to have you guys on here who are in similar situations to chat and vent to. Sometimes it just helps to get things out even if its feeling down or symptom spotting like a mad woman.


I completely get what you are saying about being ok even if you weren't going to conceive in the near future - just knowing it is going to happen would just put so much stress to bed. For me I'm 33 and panicking that its not going to happen not necessarily desperate for it to be now...just want to know that it will happen.

[NL1986]

Roll on some success in July for us all :)

[MrsS147]

I’m on my 3rd cycle of TTC number 1 too and I feel exactly the same! Then I feel ridiculous for getting so upset when we’ve not really been trying that long 😩 I keep trying to keep calm and relaxed but it never seems to last long..

Hopefully lots of luck for all you ladies 🤞🏻

[MrsLBear]

@NL1986 thank you. It's certainly something I don't wish to relive.
And when you do tell people they all say it'll happen. I know they mean well but it grinds my gears so much cos I just think you can't say that you don't know that.
I'm a right moaning myrtle today.
How long have you been TTC?
Oh I know! Fingers crossed. I mean the chance of me having BFP in July is very unlikely as my cycle is very strange this month but here's to hoping!!! Right now I will be happy to see that bloody static on the clear blues.

@MrsS147 you shouldn't feel ridiculous I really think it's all relative and everyone feels different. Some people can handle TTC for a year others can't do 2 months. It's such a personal thing. I'm personally very impatient and get so so fed up.

Where are you all on your cycles currently?

[MrsS147]

Thanks @MrsLBear it’s nice to come on to the forums and speak to others who feel the same! It can be really lonely sometimes, and there’s only so much I can speak about it to DH without him thinking I’m crazy!

I’m on CD16, and either 2 or 3dpo, so in the dreaded TWW 😩

[Madaleinerw]

@MrsLBear @NL1986 @MrsS147 @Rosieposy89

Hi ladies

How are you all getting on?

I'm feeling particularly frustrated today and I think it's because o had a family dinner last night that resulted in being asked when I was going to have children. Such an awkward question to ask and answer!
I was actually feeling positive until then!

Hope you're all feeling better and more optimistic than I am :)

X

[NL1986]

Hi @Madaleinerw I absolutely hate people asking that question...I must admit since we have been trying I don’t ever ask anyone about kids because I know how hard it is!

I have felt really down the past few days...my AF was brutal this month and I was very emotional and deflated but feeling loads better now...ready to get on with the new cycle 😊 I only came off the pill in January and before this month my period have been quite light so I’m going this nasty one is a sign of things getting back to normal.

[MrsS147]

@Madaleinerw there’s nothing worse than people asking that question! I’ve been quite lucky and not had it yet since getting married in March, but feel like it’s a just a matter of time!

I felt a bit down this morning. I’m 5/6dpo and this probably sounds silly but I just felt so unpregnant and like it’s never going to happen! Feel a bit better now but the waiting is just the worst!

[MrsS147]

@NL1986 sorry to hear your AF was horrible! It’s good you can take the positive from it though and that your cycles are getting back to normal!

[Madaleinerw]

I'm the same. It's so risky! You just never know what the other person is going through!

@NL1986 Sorry you AF was crap but I think you're probably right in thinking it's the start of them returning to normal! Fingers crossed they'll level out for you now!

@MrsS147 Ah I know that feeling. It's so hard to imagine falling pregnant when each month AF arrives. Just seems to become less and less possible.

I'm thinking of starting to temp... what do you girls think? Currently I only really know when I'm OV by CM which I know isn't really accurate.

[MrsS147]

@Madaleinerw it is hard especially with all the waiting around! If only we could find out straight away!

I temped last month but I found all the having to wake up at the same time each day was stressing me out so I didn’t bother this cycle! It was good to do though and helped me get a better picture of my cycle so definitely worthwhile doing!

[Madaleinerw]

@MrsS147 It would be amazing to find out straight away!

I actually get up at the same time each day anyway so perhaps I should give it a go. I'm thinking it might be better to give it a few more months with any of that but then I kind of think what am I waiting for?

Are you feeling any better today?

[MrsS147]

@Madaleinerw I feel a bit better today, thanks! How are you doing?

My problem is I get up for the toilet during the night any time between 1 and 4, then I kept waking up at 4:30 to take my temps (without an alarm) and then going back to sleep. But because I’d been up before they weren’t as accurate and it was stressing me out too much which is why I think I kept waking up at 4:30!
But if you’re getting up at the same time every day then you might as well! It gave me a really good idea of what was happening in my cycle so definitely worthwhile unless you find it stressful!

[Madaleinerw]

@MrsS147 glad you're feeling a little better :).

Ahh I see, so if I went to the toilet during the night, it would affect my temp say 4 hours later? I think I'll wait a couple of months and see. I just don't want to get even more caught up in it than I already am haha! I worried I'll be a complete obsessive nutcase haha!

[MrsS147]

@Madaleinerw I think it’s fine as long as you have at least 3 or 4 (can’t remember which) hours of unbroken sleep before you take your temp!
I think TTC is enough to drive anyone to be an obsessive nutcase - I know I am already 🤣 it’s good to post in the forums though and speak to people who are feeling exactly the same!

[NL1986]

It’s definitely turning me into a nucase 😂

Silly question but what’s the difference between doing temperatures and the ovulation test kits? I’ve been using the clear blue 4 day kits which show you the two days leading up to peak fertility and the two days of peak fertility...should I be temp testing aswell?

Hope you girls all have nice weekends planned x

[MrsS147]

@NL1986 OPK will let you know when ovulation is about to happen, and temping will confirm that it did happen (you can get a positive OPK but not actually ovulate) I temped for one cycle so I could get the picture of how my cycle was but decided not to do it this cycle. I thought it was worthwhile to do though and if I’m still trying in a few cycles will probably pick it up again!

[Madaleinerw]

@MrsS147 ah I see! I think I'd be ok with 4 hours. I do tend to get up and go to the toilet but I don't think it's consistent on timing haha!

Oh my god I'm so glad I'm not alone on being crazy about it!! My OH must think I'm an absolute lunatic haha and I keep most of my craziness away from him lol.

@NL1986 so is it common to test positive and not ovulate? I knew it happened but no idea how often! I think I'm going to wait a few months and then start.

[Madaleinerw]

@MrsS147

This question was meant for you haha
@NL1986 so is it common to test positive and not ovulate? I knew it happened but no idea how often! I think I'm going to wait a few months and then start.

[MrsS147]

@Madaleinerw not sure how common it is, I just know it happens!

How is everyone doing today? Still no symptoms for me at all at 8/9dpo!