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I'm gonna stick my fingers in my ears, sing La La La, and go for a third (I think)

(29 Posts)
Kif Tue 24-Jul-07 19:45:44

Just before I do - anyone want to give me a reality check?

1) I'll need a new car. I love my car - small, reliable, manouverable. What'll I get instead that I'll love as much? I'll part exchange my Micra, so should be OK for money, albeit debt

2) We're living in a 2 bed 2nd floor flat (no lift). Rented from my friend - so wondorously cheap. We'd have to move, wouldn't we? I'm spininng dh a line how dc's 1 and 2 will go into our room and share, and we'll go into small room with new baby... but I suspect we'll have hv on our back for overcrowding. Moving bigger would really hurt financially - moving further out would lose our friends and school.

3) Work will go when I arrive back from mat leave with a bump.

4) I haven't lost dc2 weight yet - so it'll be fat on top of fat.

5) I'm sporadically a crap mother to my existing brood - based largely on exhaustion. Is it really fair on anyone to make it even tougher?

6) If I conceive quick, I'll give birth at the begining summer 2008 - which means my mum could help lots.
However, for complicated reasons this means that my breastmilk supply for bf dc2 is likely to drop sharply - and he seems to be a bit cows milk intollerant - so that may leave us in a fix.

7) My dh has had his eye on a career boosting job move. He says if we have dc3, he wouldn't be keen on going for it, because he would worry about the impact of him having to work longer hours. Btw - I think he should go for it.

8) I'm only just seeing light at the end if the tunnel. If I had a third, I'd 'lose' myself for at least another few years. I'd definitely be a Mother with a capital M.

9) Out finances are... peculiar.

10) Is it fair on dc2 to have another so soon.

Dd is 3.5 . Ds is 9 months. Dh and Dd are enthusiastic about idea. I think it's madness... but I keep talking about it... I think I'm very broody but trying to persuade myself out of it.

Anyone want to shake some sense into me? Form an orderly queue.

DobbyDoesDallas Tue 24-Jul-07 19:47:06

sounds like a nightmare

dont do it

DobbyDoesDallas Tue 24-Jul-07 19:47:25

if that makes you feel depressed, then do it

moondog Tue 24-Jul-07 19:48:06

Sounds like an absolutely mad idea to me.

Lucycat Tue 24-Jul-07 19:48:58

Your reasons seem to suggest that you don't really want another!

FioFio Tue 24-Jul-07 19:51:38

Message withdrawn

Pabamella Tue 24-Jul-07 19:53:58

I was homeless (well living with my mum) my ds was 7 months old and I was TTC, got PG with number 2 when DS1 was 9 months old.

by the time DS2 arrived everything was sorted and dont regret it for a second!

Kif Tue 24-Jul-07 19:54:03

Ooh - but I really really do.

I keep talking about it - then coming back to earth with a bump on the sheer logistics of it.

The kids we have look so cute and grown up now - and they have so much fun together - you can just squint a bit and imagine one (or two) more pottering about.

funnypeevesculiar Tue 24-Jul-07 19:55:27

OK, now, I'm broody too - and have dcs 3.5 & 15 months, so I understand where your emotions are coming from. So far, I'm fighting it - the best reason I give to myself is that I'm not sure I'm good enough at parenting two to make things harder by adding another one....

But it sounds like all the practicalities are against you ... what would your life really be like with 3?? (PS I hate to sound mean, but I'd discount dd's opinion on this one - she has no real idea, bless her)
What would you loose if you waited a few months (would have an impact on reasons 3,4,6,7&10

Kif Tue 24-Jul-07 19:59:04

peeves - the plan was 'wait - there's lots of time'.

But then today I started really visualing it - go down to my mum's for the whole summer with new lo while she has long hols. Come back in September for Dd to start big school with baby a little more manageable.

Say, I conceive by 1st Sept - that's new baby 1st June. No need to be preggers in a heatwave. Chilling out in my mum;s garden by the sea... <misty eyed>

moondog Tue 24-Jul-07 20:01:01

Does your mother know you assume she will be around to help and accommodate you?
Sounds pretty presumtuous to me.....

Kif Tue 24-Jul-07 20:21:49

We lived with my mum and dad for 18months when we first had Dd - our rooms are still pretty much as they were - I think we drove over 'presumptuous' a while back. .

my mum would be keen.

Egg Tue 24-Jul-07 20:28:13

Sounds like you really want one .

My only word of advice is this. I ummed and ahhed about whether we were ready to try for No2. Got pregnant first go (took 18 months with DS so this in itself was a shock), and then found out it was TWINS. So in less than six months we will have three kids under 2. So just IMAGINE if you got twins too!

Must admit though, i am quite chuffed, despite being terrified!!!

Kif Tue 24-Jul-07 20:47:56

congratulations egg .

Quite a nest you'll have.

luckylady74 Tue 24-Jul-07 20:49:14

i have 3 , have just had a beautiful day in the sun with them and would never wish any of them away for a second, BUT i didn't make the choice to have 3 [dd1 andds2 are twins] and i would never have had 3, to be frank my friends with 2 have a far easier time practically and their children have more attention - i do my best and my kids will be fine, but it's still the way it is and the positives , for me, really don't out weigh that.
practically i have a micra in the week [though i had nothing but a pram for the first year]but you will need a 6 seater to fit the carseats in and dh and our old multipla still cost a lot! other than that i can't see how it impacted our finances because i was already a sahm, all the clothes were given to me, 1 more child is not muchmore food,but i think in the future it will be hard - 3 at uni at once!!

i think you will fit in your flat still - and i have friends with 3 boys in a 2 bed house, b ut they live in the country and they have a large room and are the same sex -i don't think you can do that for very long!

i think when your baby is 9 months is such a classic time to feel broody - i did when the twins were 9 months, but it's the hormones from weaned babies taking in less breast milk i think.

also i know lots of people do this, b ut your body is not designed to have kids so close together and i have heard that it can seriously knacker your body!
i also think that having a baby with an 18 month old is hard because they absolutely realise they have been usurped, but can't understand your explanation.
i'm not just a mum and i don't think that's a problem - you just have to sort out a life for yourself in the evening and have an understanding dh!
i feel dreadfully disloyal to my lovely children, but i've thought asbout this a lot. the only thing i should add is that my ds1 has special needs [aspergers syndrome] so that does add to my load some what!
the positives are many - my kids will always have each other i hope and they are so fab when they play together and help each other. i feel special when people realise i have 3 and i feel proud that i made them all! but surely you get much of that with 2?

Kif Tue 24-Jul-07 21:19:30

Ooh - you've made me think - luckylady.

Last time I was really broody was when ds was 4m.o. and we had breastfeeding issues that nearly led to us stopping bf. Perhaps it is hormones...

You know, every mother of three I've spoken to has said similar things to you - I love them all but it really is much harder.

luckylady74 Tue 24-Jul-07 22:34:08

perhaps cross your legs for a month and then think again?

Kif Wed 25-Jul-07 08:05:04

Is the message that 18 months is a bad gap -esp with my other circs? I'm fairly sure we'll want more kids - the plan originally was to leave a really long gap before going for third (and fourth?). I can see an argument for getting it all over and done with quickly - so that I don't spend fifteen years of my life wiping bums.

spugs Wed 25-Jul-07 15:29:03

ive just fallen with dc3 and yeah money situation aint great, only have 2 bedrooms and have no idea how we will fit 3 car seats in car but it doesnt really matter

sweetkitty Wed 25-Jul-07 15:37:53

sweetkitty waves at spugs

I have just become pregnant with no 3 also DD1 is 3 DD2 18 months. I have a Clio so need a bigger car. Only have 3 bedrooms so DD1 and 2 will have to share for a while, I have a friend who has 3 in one room and it doesn't look cramped. We had decided to stop at 2 and I would go back to work but then we realised we really wanted another baby.

I could come up with 20 reasons not to have another and only 1 for - we wanted one. Sometimes you just got to go with your heart.

manuka Wed 25-Jul-07 17:01:36

Oh my God! That all sounds like my idea of HELL!!! Your first post sounds like you're trying to convince yourself to have another!?!
Number 3 may not get on with 1 and 2. I'm the bringer of doom though! I've seen far too many friends fuck their lives up by having 'another' baby so I'm sticking with one!
But good for you if thats what you want you go for it! Family is the most important thing in life at the end of the day.
I couldn't cope with the exhaustion cos I'm an old git! Well I'm 33 but my body feels 133 so one child gets the best from me. More than one and we'd all suffer!!

Kif Wed 25-Jul-07 17:20:23

I've graduated Ds into a second stage car seat - and his old infant carrier is sitting on the floor in my bedroom. It might as well be a 'Vacancies' sign.

congrats sweetkitty and spugs

manuka Wed 25-Jul-07 18:48:31

When you said about being a bit crap cos of exhaustion, have you tried Floradix? Its a liquid iron and b vitamins and its bloody marvellous! I've run out and I'm KNACKERED! you can get it from chemists

flightattendant Wed 01-Aug-07 08:36:41

Do it now as if you wait it just prolongs all the potential problems...wish I had had my 2 closer as it does mean you lose more of your own 'life' in terms of freedom, work etc.
Go on, you know you can't resist forever!!! so sooner rather than later imo

zookeeper Wed 01-Aug-07 08:43:54

I have three and thing lucklady talks much sense.

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