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Trying to conceive while husband is on anti-depressants

(11 Posts)
pinkiebrain82 Sat 18-May-19 09:45:31

Hi - I am sure I'm not the only person out here who is struggling at the mo but really feeling pretty awful at the moment and any advice would be wonderful. I have been with my husband 3 years in total and married for 1. We have been trying to have a baby for the last year. I came off the pill but am overweight so I knew it might take a while. The issue we have is that my husband is on strong medication for his depression and anxiety, he has been on 1 form or another of tablets for a very long time and since I have known him we have been through 3 different tablets to try and get him feeling more level. I love my husband and have tried to be the supportive partner and help him through this however it is starting to tear me apart... sometimes we can go 6 weeks between having full sex, I never pressure him and try to appear like it doesn't matter so he doesn't get more stressed as we have had issues with performance anxiety. We thought we were pregnant at the start of the year as I was 2 months late but it turned out we weren't and it's broken me a bit tbh, all ive wanted is to be a mum and I just feel like I am pretending every day to be a jolly wife when inside I feel so lonely. Don't know if anyone has been through something similar and has any advice please

physicskate Sat 18-May-19 09:50:52

Honestly, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone when I was walking on egg shells all the time. Ttc is HARD and not being able to talk about your feelings is unfair on you.

Honestly, you need to be either having more sex or timed sex to have any chance - and ideally both.

Newmumma83 Sat 18-May-19 09:51:37

Hi pinkiebrain, I didn’t want to read and run, I am over weight and had my baby November ... me and husband don’t have sex an awful lot to be honest we just stopped taking precautions and waited to see if anything would happen.

Didn’t look at ovulation or anything and it did happen I was nearly 35 years when I fell pregnant too, we didn’t have depression it’s just how we are though and that adds a whole new dimension I am sure .

Please don’t despair and I think you are right to keep the pressure to a minimum... it will happen I am sure ... have you been trying long? My friend was trying for about 8 months before she fell pregnant and she was literally making him perform on ovulation days ... it was super involved.

Do you take primrose oil? It helps make your passage more friendly for the sperm ( easier to travel ... I have no way of saying this without sounding gross 😂😂) x

yearinyearout Sat 18-May-19 09:54:11

Are you sure it's a good idea to have a baby with someone who is suffering from poor mental health? I'm not saying you should never have children together, but a baby brings extra stress into what is already a stressful household. In all honesty I would be waiting until he has his meds sorted and is on a much more even keel before considering getting pregnant.

pinkiebrain82 Sat 18-May-19 10:07:12

Sorry I should say my husband is a lot better than he was. He is a lot more level and happier than he was 18 months ago however his tablets really affect his libido and it always seems to be the best time to have sex when it's his busiest time with work therefore we can go for long periods of time without having full sex as such. I don't want to force him to have sex with me as that would make me feel even worse. Sorry if I over dramatized my first message. I am not married a horrible person just a complicated one.

bitchfromhell Sat 18-May-19 10:08:18

Only someone that doesn't know how difficult having kids is would try and inflict a newborn on their struggling other half.
The lack of sex and poor mental health should be enough of a message that this man should not be having children right now, I'm guessing he knows that.
Tbh, if you feel broken now, I think you're crazy to be considering children at the minute.

DulcieRay Sat 18-May-19 10:13:49

Would you cope if you got PND? Might be worth considering who your emotional support would be if you needed it.

Skyla01 Sat 18-May-19 11:47:12

That sounds like a very tough situation. What are your hubby's feelings? Have you talked about it? He must know that to have the best chances of conception the sex needs to be more frequent, although I guess it only takes 1 sperm in the end. I think you are right to tread carefully, pressure will only make things worse. Your hubby's mental health is so important and if things are going well you don't want to jeopardise that. But perhaps he can see his GP, maybe a medication change could help his libido?

EnjoyItAll Sat 18-May-19 12:07:04

Is he getting any other support or just medication? If he isn’t maybe head back to the doctor and see what support is available to him. If the medication is effecting his libido then any support that means the medication can be lowered will help the situation. Has he spoken to his doctor about ttc whilst on anti depressants at all?

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Sat 18-May-19 13:30:47

My DH was treated for depression a few years ago - he and his doctor swore to me it wouldn't affect his fertility. Everything I read on the internet said differently so i insisted on a sperm test - surprise surprise results weren't great so it's not just the performance issues and lack of sex drive that are the problem.

It caused a lot of resentment between us. Not only are you walking on egg shells around someone as you're not sure how they're going to react you're hiding your own feelings of stress and sadness because you've got to be the supportive one right since he's the one whose had the diagnosis?

What frustrated (and annoyed) me was that there seemed to be no clinical plan in place to ever wean him off the drugs! He wasn't being taught coping mechanisms to ever deal with real life just a repeat prescription to chemically mask the way he was feeling. I felt that doctors too easily just drugged him up rather than being concerned about dealing with the root cause of his issues.

We were referred for ivf and started in that journey but in the meantime he came of his medication without telling me! (NOT fun but effective!) - 6 months later low and behold we fell pregnant

pinkiebrain82 Sat 18-May-19 15:11:37

Thank you so much for your comment. It's hard to explain things to people who haven't been through it. The majority of the time he is fine but there are hiccups which come out of nowhere. He is seeing the doctor next week for a catch up so I will try and get him to speak about us trying to conceive and what if anything they can suggest. He will always have this side to him and can usually cope with things but the stress of trying to have a baby is just making things hard. Thank you again smile

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