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TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

(983 Posts)
Lilimum7 Mon 13-May-19 08:02:20

🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone ttc after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through the ttc crazyness xx baby dust to everyone xx

AliceRR Sun 30-Jun-19 11:04:22

@pinkoi I agree with Avocuddles but maybe there is stress or something else going on? I know my husband behaves weirdly when stressed but it’s not an excuse to take it out on you. When things have calmed down maybe see if there is something else going on. I do think the men can feel neglected when we’re pregnant / have a baby etc. It’s sh*t when you’re not on the same page anyway or have arguments but when you’re TTC and it’s having an impact on that it can be unbearable. I hope you can get to the bottom of it x

Avocuddles Sun 30-Jun-19 08:07:14

Thanks @strawberrye will pop over now.

Before we relocate though I just want to say @pinkoi you have done nothing wrong so don't beat yourself up about his frankly awful behaviour! I appreciate that TTC can be stressful for both parties and that baby loss
and / or fertility issues can put a big strain on the strongest of relationships, but his behaviour and the things he's said are just cruel. You don't deserve that, his attitude is incredibly selfish and if the reality is that he doesn't really want another child (perhaps simply because he can't take the stress?) then he should have discussed with you in an adult manner, not put you down! I hope that he apologises to you, he really needs to x

strawberrye Sun 30-Jun-19 07:34:28

Ladies I've made a new thread so please hop on over before this one runs out: https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3625424-ttc-after-pregnancy-loss-thread-31-baby-penguins-are-coming

Treaclepie19 Sun 30-Jun-19 07:02:25

Ugh AF is here sad
I'm also worrying because all week I've been seeing something on tests and now I'm worried its something retained from our TFMR.
I'm sure that's ridiculous though since it's been 6 months and the doctor even said if there was I'd be bleeding a lot more often and heavily.

Not sure I'm up to TTC to be honest.

pinkoi Sun 30-Jun-19 01:13:33

@Lilimum7

Sorry to hear it's all come to a head. Perhaps when things calm down you get chance to talk a bit more about it. Perhaps he hadn't realised how much it was getting to you?

@AliceRR

Tried to talk to him the other night but he just started being nasty and calling me desperate and obsessed and was it any wonder he didn't want to have sex with me because I was so upset. Then he started saying that I won't cope with two kids etc and if we had another baby I wouldn't want to have sex any more.

I came back early from my weekend trip so we could spend the evening together tonight and just chill out but he was just cross at everything again, it was like I wasn't there and then he fell asleep on the sofa again.

Basically I think I have killed off our relationship.

Every time I think he is into the idea of TTC, like he talks about babies and names etc it ends up like this. I don't know what is behind all of this, but actions speak louder than words.

I'm just settling down for my second night on the sofa because I'm getting too upset being near him when it feels like he doesn't care if I'm there or not.
I think I may have made a big mistake.

Lilimum7 Sun 30-Jun-19 00:46:05

@pinkoi aww hun I know that feeling all roo well. Unfortunately I had a massive wobble today and ended up shouting at DH about the whole thing and it's left things a bit frosty between us now. I really don't know if it will change things for the better either. It never rains but pours

Lilimum7 Sun 30-Jun-19 00:43:01

Ladies it's nearly time to start a new thread. Who wants to do it this time?

AliceRR Sat 29-Jun-19 22:53:14

Thank you. I’m glad today went well @Avocuddles

@Pop1234 Fingers crossed for you too. It’s good you’ve got something to work with

Pop1234 Sat 29-Jun-19 22:40:33

@AliceRR will keep everything crossed for you. There's time for a few symptoms to appear yet.

I'm feeling ok thank you. We got some answers from Dr Shehata and I've got a treatment plan now so fingers crossed we get some success soon.

Avocuddles Sat 29-Jun-19 22:33:18

Hi all! @AliceRR I'm crossing my fingers that it's not just PMT for you.
Feeling shattered now after a lovely sunny day. It was really nice having our friends and their assorted babies / children / bumps round. I was actually so busy on hostess / baby herding duties that I didn't really dwell on my personal situation at all which was great! It's so hot in our room though I'm not feeling like a good nights sleep is going to be in order....
Hope you are all well and have enjoyed the sunshine xx

AliceRR Sat 29-Jun-19 22:24:15

@Pop1234 I don’t have any symptoms of pregnancy and with my daughter last year I did have symptoms (not sure how long after ov as I didn’t track) but I kind of think it was pregnant then I’d know... but then two cycles ago I had lots of symptoms and got a BFN. how about you? How are you feeling?

Pop1234 Sat 29-Jun-19 22:18:46

@AliceRR I have been quiet lately, but been so busy. I have been reading still though.

Had my results from Dr Shehata on Wednesday so now getting prepped to try again for the 5th time. I'm 7/8dpo today too. How are you feeling about this cycle?

AliceRR Sat 29-Jun-19 21:18:59

Thanks @Kayjay2018 It’s nice that couple managed to have a baby after all that

@pinkoi That is frustrating but don’t give up purely because of that. There is next month. Would it help to speak to your OH about how disappointed you are that you didn’t did during your fertile period or would that make it worse?

AliceRR Sat 29-Jun-19 21:15:00

It’s been quiet on here - is that since all the BFPs went to the other thread? 🤔

How is everyone? I’m 7DPO today and bought pregnancy tests today so I have some in case I want to test / af is late but I haven’t really had any indication I am...

Been SO hormonal and emotional this weekend though. Could be PMT

pinkoi Sat 29-Jun-19 07:54:43

@Lilimum7
Oh god it all went to shit yesterday 😢

Planned and had a nice evening and then he just came to bed and promptly fell asleep. Peak fertility days and he is laid there snoring. I get that he doesn't want regimented sex at certain times but I cant change biology. But we haven't dtd properly at all during this fertile window at all and I'm now away for the weekend and that is the end of it.
I got really upset as it just feels like we are wasting time we don't have. How do I stop feeling so frustrated?? I guess it's probably time to stop with this 2nd kid idea.

Kayjay2018 Fri 28-Jun-19 16:11:38

Hi, thought I would post this article as these are the supplements I have started taking this month!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7108693/Woman-44-baby-three-failed-IVF-attempts-sperm-barren-husband-takes-supplement.html

AliceRR Fri 28-Jun-19 15:11:14

I think neither of you are being unreasonable @Lilimum7 It’s a difficult situation when you’re TTC and he is not around all the time. I’m not sure what to suggest X

AliceRR Fri 28-Jun-19 15:08:19

YANBU = you are not being unreasonable

So mumsnet 🙈

Lilimum7 Fri 28-Jun-19 12:47:57

@pinkoi I feel it too hun x I want to be kind but I'm losing patience.
@AliceRR I'm thick what does YANBU mean lol

should explain a bit more. My DH works nights and only has 1 and 1/2 days off a week (lorry driver) so frequency is an issue. We had to plan dtd at the right time like a military operation lol. We maybe dtd 6 time a month and try to dtd at the right time but more often than not he's sleeping in the lorry when the big O happens. So when he is home I kind of expect him to do his part. Maybe I am unreasonable?

AliceRR Fri 28-Jun-19 11:59:30

I felt fine when I was out. I was even ok last night trying out my new dyson hair dryer on DH’s hair 😂 but then we went to bed and I was so emotional

I hope you enjoy the bbq. I think you’ll enjoy it. Sometimes it’s better to just face things than avoid babies and children etc and give our feelings more power xx

pinkoi Fri 28-Jun-19 11:57:13

@Lilimum7 - sorry the 2nd half of that post is what it's like with my partner currently.... I really can empathise. I just re read it and I hadn't made it clear 😊

Avocuddles Fri 28-Jun-19 11:56:17

Oh @AliceRR you're right - apologies @Lilimum7 @VenusStarr head is all over the place this morning! @AliceRR i agree with your advice to @Lilimum7 - I've gone with the approach of trying to DTD every other day throughout my entire cycle, though that's easier said than done! I'm working away next week, but I'm pretty certain there's no fertile window for me this month so it's not an issue this time.

The BBQ with all the preggos and babies has been in the diary for ages, before I found out I was pregnant let alone before the MC. It will nice to see everyone but no doubt a bit difficult too. Glad it was ok when you were out with your friend last night. I'm sure it's perfectly normal to feel emotional afterwards, if you've been working hard to hold yourself together at the time then there's probably a lot of bottled up feelings that needed to come out, and if you're feeling hormonal that would only amplify it. I hope the rollercoaster emotions are an early pregnancy symptom for you....

pinkoi Fri 28-Jun-19 11:53:47

@Lilimum7

I'm sorry you are feeling like that with your partner and it's really hard to know what the right thing to say is. I feel like it's a balancing act.

He doesn't seem to want me to tell him when I'm ovulating so it's not too much pressure. He is even talking about a baby now so I don't think he has changed his mind. But he often gets soo absorbed in Facebook or something that he says he is coming to bed and 90mjns later he still has t moved.
But we often start proceedings and then he can't finish often because he is too tired. Part of me wants to scream at him - look we have a 5 day window where it might work.

I don't know how to handle it delicately yet explaining the biological logistics without just missing month after month. I'm 36, DD is nearly 5, I don't have time...

AliceRR Fri 28-Jun-19 11:03:06

Good for you @VenusStarr Sorry again about your nan. I hope you’re doing ok

@Avocuddles I think you mixed up Lilimum post with Venus?

How are you? You are brave having all the preggos and babies around

I went out with my friend and her daughter who is 3 weeks younger than Ruby. It was fine but I was so emotional last night and this morning so not sure if that has anything to do with it. I can barely stop crying. I think I might be hormonal to though - would be nice if it’s pregnancy or PMT 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Lilimum7 YANBU but then he probably isn’t either. Would it help to not tell him when you’re fertile? You could still OPK but just try to have sex regularly throughout your cycle (maybe more so around ov) and don’t tell him when you get your positive...

Avocuddles Fri 28-Jun-19 08:23:18

@Yukka that's really encouraging to hear! I have a couple more sessions booked in already over the next three weeks, so fingers crossed I'll see some improvements next month x

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