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To panic about not being able to make it?

(7 Posts)
Marghe87 Thu 02-May-19 16:27:24

My husband and I only just started trying for our 1st baby and I have been (over)stressing about practical and financial issues for almost a year now. I tend to overthink a bit and I like to have it all figured out in advance, which is why I started to look into local nurseries costs and other stuff even before we started thinking about it in a more serious way.
I am worried sick that having a baby will “ruin” us and will put us in a bad financial situation for many years to come, let alone if we then wanted to have a second.
With our current salaries, we would just about be able to cover childcare costs (scrimping a bit and without the chance of getting extras like holidays etc) but we wouldn’t be able to save a single penny for at least 3-4 years. We haven’t managed to save for a deposit to buy a property yet (we live in the south east, near London, where our jobs are) and we will only be able to do so once our DC is at school (although if we did want a second one, we’d have to put buying a property on hold even longer).
I am in my early 30s and my husband in his late 30s, we have been together for a few years and we don’t want to keep waiting to start a family any longer. Am I silly worrying and stressing so much about it all? Did you have the same worries? I am hoping after DC1 comes along I will magically realise what life is all about and stop stressing about buying a house etc but for now I can’t stop thinking about these things.
(our families don’t live close by and are not able to help)

MrsRLM Thu 02-May-19 20:00:51

I am EXACTLY the same. And I am SO sick of people saying "you're never ready" or "you never have enough money but you find a way". Its as if people don't think you've run the numbers.

We've just accepted that I will probably have to go back to work quite early and were going to have to sacrifice A LOT for the first few years.

You're right to worry imo. Your be irresponsible not to. But as long as you can accept that your family will have to take priority over your house for a few years, and you know you won't get yourself in debt, that's all that matters really!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Thu 02-May-19 20:12:21

Actually you do find a way....if someone said to me 5 years ago I would need to find more than the cost of my mortgage every month to pay for childcare I would have been just as panicked and said no way can we afford it. Yes you will have to cut back and yes savings go out of the window but it's only for maybe 2 1/2 years - assuming you have at least 6 months maternity and then 30 hours free childcare kicks in at 3 years old. 2 1/2 years is nothing compared to the lifetime of joy children being and you've got decades of time after they've started school to start saving again. Worst comes to worst take a 5 year loan out put it in the bank and use that to pay for childcare - the monthly repayments on the loan are cheaper than cost of childcare as you're spreading it out over a longer period of time x

Whyhaveidonethis Fri 03-May-19 07:24:24

After I had dc3 I went back to work paying £1550 for childcare a month (9 years ago and 2 children in full time care) . I earnt £1600. i literally had £50 a month for working full time! We managed. Just. It was super hard, but I ended up getting some tax credits which helped massively. We got through it. It was hard. I wouldn't change it for the world. I know it's annoying when people say "you are never ready" but they say it because it's so true. I would never have had any of my DC if I had waited to be ready, I honestly wouldn't have any of them! Currently trying for dc4. I am in no way ready. It will temporarily kill me financially. But I know I'll cope. Since I've had my DC I've managed to progress my career and buy a house.

Keepaddingpets Fri 03-May-19 07:30:13

As soon as we started TTC we put my salary away in savings and didn't touch it. We wanted to try and simulate what it would be like without it coming in each month. Surprisingly we managed and I'm due to childcare costs it wasn't really feasible for me to go back to work so after 3 years I'm still a SAHM.

Marghe87 Tue 07-May-19 09:48:14

Thank you ladies for sharing your positive experience, just what I need right now. Keep them coming smile

Marghe87 Tue 07-May-19 09:49:12

Also, are all full time working parents eligible for the 30 hours funding? I find contrasting info online...

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