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Woman stress, man chill

(14 Posts)
showmethegin Thu 25-Apr-19 23:52:23

Just looking for some support!

Have been with DP for over 4 years. Great relationship, genuinely no problems to report. We are TTC. We have been for 8 cycles now. I know that's not a long time in the grand scheme of things but what is going on?

It's exhausting isn't it? Just have a feeling it isn't gonna happen for me. But he isn't worried at all, is this normal? He Talks about it loads, practicalities, him doing certain shifts looking after baby. But it's so frustrating that they just don't seem to worry, he just thinks of course it will happen. But starting to doubt.

lankyliscuits Fri 26-Apr-19 07:20:25

Hey, we're trying to conceive our first and currently on cycle 9 after me coming off the pill, cycle 6 of actively trying. When I say actively I mean not being careful and trying to time DTD as best as possible but also not making it too mechanical! I'm trying to be laid back about it for now as my GP told me they wouldn't even start investigating until we'd been trying for 18 months 🙄 I think I'm gonna start taking folic acid again if we're not successful this cycle x

snowflakeeel Fri 26-Apr-19 07:48:22

Hi @showmethegin, I'm pretty laid back but my DH is cool as a cucumber 24/7. It's hard to read him sometimes. We have been together for 11 years and we has discussed this. What I understood from our conversations is that he doesn't feel comfortable expressing a lot of emotion. He does however, speak at length about planning and logistics of potential/upcoming events. Perhaps they are cut from the same cloth. My second child took 14 months to conceive. We were referred to the specialist but fell naturally once I felt the stress had been removed and that I was going to receive help. Where I live, doctors don't intervene until you have been TTC for a year as this is 'frustratingly' how long it can take on average without being perceived to be having fertility issues. How are you tracking ovulation and all that jazz?

Hi @lankyliscuits, sorry, just had to jump in re. folic acid. It's recommended you start taking it before you start TTC so it has time to build up in your system and reduce the chances of neural defects. Sorry if i'm sticking my nose in and there is a reason for not taking it yet.

Hope it works out for both of you. X

lankyliscuits Fri 26-Apr-19 08:21:57

I was taking it but just being rubbish and inconsistent then cause we were careful for 3 months I kind of forgot about. Its cause in my mind doing stuff like that is more actively trying = more disappointed when I get BFNs, whereas if we're just going with the flow, it'll happen when it happens kind of thing... If that makes any sense lol! I might go buy some again and set a daily reminder on my phone to take them 😁

snowflakeeel Fri 26-Apr-19 08:35:58

you see....sticking my nose in....
I love your relaxed approach @lankyliscuits. I wish I was more like you when TTC. It must take so much stress out of the whole process, which incidentally was most likely a contributing factor when we were TTC no. 2! Wishing you both the best X

RudyRoo Fri 26-Apr-19 08:36:15

@showmethegin (great name!) my situation is so similiar to yours! Have been with my husband for 4 years and everything is great with our relationship. Also been TTC for 8 months (I'm 33).
I found myself starting to get pissed of with him for being so laid back about it and saying things like 'go with the flow' 'when it happens it happens' (not helpful!) so I had a big chat with him last weekend about it. When I delved a little deeper he said he really did care an awful lot about it, hated seeing me stressed over it and was just playing it down in an attempt to make me more relaxed about the whole thing. I'm sure you're DP might just be doing the same thing? Men have a totally different outlook on these things and it's just their way of dealing of with it. I would maybe try and have a frank and honest discussion about it with him and you'll probably find you feel a lot better afterwards. Good luck! x

RudyRoo Fri 26-Apr-19 08:39:21

@showmethegin have you been to your GP? Mine was surprisingly good about it which I didn't expect, have had blood test done and am now just waiting for the results. 🤞🏼

showmethegin Fri 26-Apr-19 10:29:08

Good to know my DP isn't the only one! I think, basically we process things differently! I like to talk around problems/issues when he just likes to go with the flow more; I find that frustrating!

I was originally using the internet cheapie ovulation tests but didn't really trust them, there's a lot of interpretation when reading the results. I've been using the clear blue ones for the last 3 months and have had a smiley each cycle. I've also been temping but I must be doing something wrong as my charts are all over the place! grin

I wish I could chill out about it, I feel like it's really hard not to get a bit obsessed with it all, oops! smile

RudyRoo Fri 26-Apr-19 10:32:21

I tried temping too but my chart was all over the place and tbh was just stressing me out more so I stopped. Like you doing digital OPK's and getting smileys at the right sort of time so fingers crossed for us both. 🤞🏼

showmethegin Fri 26-Apr-19 10:32:55

@lankyliscuits that's odd that your gp won't investigate until 18 months, I always thought a year was the rule.

@RudyRoo I've been umming and ahhhing about just going to the dr, we are lucky we have a great local surgery but don't want to waste their time unnecessarily before the year. I imagine I would be a good candidate for laparoscopy due to years and years of very very painful periods. No other symptoms of endo and had an internal scan and they couldn't find anything around 18 months ago though.

showmethegin Fri 26-Apr-19 10:33:56

@RudyRoo think I'll follow your lead and knock it on the head too, it does stress me out and I don't think it's necessary if I'm using the OPKs anyway!

showmethegin Fri 26-Apr-19 10:35:08

@RudyRoo and good luck with your tests!

RudyRoo Fri 26-Apr-19 10:37:03

@showmethegin I know what you mean about wasting GP time but that's what they are there for. If nothing else it might put your mind at ease and reduce any stress you're feeling, that's the way I'm seeing it anyway. How old are you?

showmethegin Fri 26-Apr-19 10:39:32

@RudyRoo Yes, you're probably right. I'm nearly 31, DP is 27

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