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University or family??

(11 Posts)
hannjw Mon 22-Apr-19 21:33:24

Hi, this is my first ever post so my apologies if its not in the correct place.
Basically, I'm getting married this year (will be 22) and I really would like a baby asap, I am SO broody. But my problem is, I was considering starting university in January 2020. Its operative department practice and 3 years long, I'm not sure I can wait until I finish university (if I get in); it feels like such a long time! I do want a good career to support my future family and that is my goal, but a family of my own is my ultimate dream. My H2B works full time, above minimum wage but still not a huge amount. I have a part time job in the NHS as a support worker but currently on sick leave (I am getting a lot better but trying to find a different job). It's just the thought of waiting another 3 years at least I'm struggling with. Anyone in or been in similar situations?

dreamer2 Mon 22-Apr-19 22:15:17

Speaking from personal experience ( currently 25 TTC my first , after awaiting to finish uni ) I would say have a your baby now , education is always there , broodiness is the worst feeling to have to suppress, all I could think about at uni is I can't wait to have my baby ! Now I wish I had had them first , obviously it will depend on how long it will take you to conceive , I'd say you have pretty good chances given your age . Aslo depends if you can financially cope ,best of luck either way xxx

emmyloucuddles Mon 22-Apr-19 22:46:02

Speaking from experience - go do university and get your career off to a good start first. Trying for a baby can wait and you have plenty of time on your side! It'll be so much harder to go back after you have children. Also, not to patronise but 22 is so young and having a child takes up your whole life and all of your energy - don't rush into that, you may regret it. I don't regret having my first at all but I do regret having her so young, and I was a bit older than you are now. Go out there and do a bit more living first xx

LondonGirl83 Mon 22-Apr-19 22:54:34

University first. Having young children takes up all of your energy so it will be infinitely harder to do once the babies come. Also, financial stress combined with young babies can put a lot of strain on a marriage. Put yourself on solid financial footings. 25 is still very young to start trying.

MummytoCSJH Mon 22-Apr-19 23:07:28

University first. Obviously I love my son and wouldn't change my situation, but uni would be a million times easier if I hadn't had him so young.

boilersontheblink Mon 22-Apr-19 23:10:22

100% uni first. If you're still broody in your third year, come off BC towards the end of it and start trying to conceive then smile then you can work whilst pregnant and have a job to go back to.

Education is such a luxury and so important (especially since jobs nowadays- even basic ones, want qualifications and degrees).

I think you'd struggle to complete a degree with a young child, even school aged. Why make it harder for yourself?

Chocolate35 Mon 22-Apr-19 23:17:04

I was in your position, just slightly older. I chose to have a family first and study later. It’s worked out really well for me. If I never had a family I’d have been devastated, if I never got my degree and ended up in a different job I’d be ok. That’s the choice you need to make. You’re still young and you could make it work no matter which order you do it in. You just need to decide if you’re ready and able for a baby yet, are you financially comfortable? Could you have a baby with your current living arrangements? What does your partner want? Would you be in a better position to have a baby in three years? You need to find what’s best for YOU. Good luck.

Oliversmumsarmy Mon 22-Apr-19 23:26:41

For the job you want to do, do you need a degree.

I ask as a few people we know are starting work and people without a degree are already doing the jobs in a senior position.

They don't have any debt from uni and have been working since they were 16.

flumpybear Mon 22-Apr-19 23:27:15

Uni first!! Ttc in your final year - get your career under your belt so you can achieve your ultimate goals - I did a degree and PhD ....there's no chance in hell I'd have managed after having children!!

EmeraldRubyShark Tue 23-Apr-19 07:18:40

Absolutely university first. You’ll be better able to support your future child with a career and higher income, whatever happens with your relationship.

Three years goes by very fast when you’re studying! You could even plan to start trying halfway through the final year if you like, you’ll have your qualification under your belt and can start work once you’ve had the baby and some time with him/her (I’d seek out advice though from others who’ve done that first as it might be difficult to maintain your registration if you’ve never worked since qualifying and then it’s been a year).

That might make it seem a bit less time to wait! You could come off the pill at the start of your final year to track cycles and get yourself as fit and healthy as possible and then TTC halfway through.

I can’t tell you how much better my life is now I’m expecting and I’ve completed my education, have my registration and a career and my income is four times what it was just four or five years ago. It relieves so much stress. I can sleep at night knowing I can afford nursery to keep my career going, I can kit out a nursery without having to nickel and dime everything, and our relationship is so wonderful and smooth as we have no financial issues to argue about.

But it’s not just about that, it’s abour you. You owe your children a well rounded mum, not to say people can’t parent well when they have kids young before they’ve lived their lives! But imagine how much more you’ll have to offer a child having them when you’re more well rounded, educated, experienced. I think going to university first would be the best for you and your family and your children.

xoxhayleyxox Tue 23-Apr-19 10:18:43

Hey @hannjw
I'm 24 and am at uni for the second time after having to drop out previously for medical reasons. I've decided to quit uni to have my baby, I'm 6+1 and have definitely made the right decision 👶🏻❤️ please do whatever you WANT to do, not what you feel you should be doing. Life is way too short xxx

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