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ttc nerves

(4 Posts)
Stilltobeseen Mon 22-Apr-19 09:54:59

My Fiance and I are getting married this week and will be TTC right away. This has been the plan since we got engaged and solidified over the past year.
However as the date nears I am suddenly TERRIFIED yet my other half is more sure than ever. I've always wanted a family and still do, very much but the prospect of pregnancy scares the crap out of me.
I'm scared I'll be very sick throughout, that I won't be able to cope mentally or with the changes my body will go through. I'm also worried I'll be a terrible parent even though I have no reason to truly believe this.
I have anxiety and have been on medication (now med free) and through counselling most of my adult life and I'm sure this is a result of my anxiety problems.
I'm just looking for reassurance that other people have felt this way.
I had a pretty crap upbringing and never ever want my child to go through any of that (again no reason why they should).
We have stable jobs with good prospects, yes we rent but so do half the planet but we aren't 'well off' which worries me as well.
I think this is normal fear but need to hear from others who maybe felt this way as well to know for sure.
I'm so excited for this next adventure but just so bloody nervous.

EssJayyCee Mon 22-Apr-19 10:55:41

It is my first time trying for a baby too.

I think it is 100% normal to have these fears! I am exactly the same.
I worry about how to tell my work that I'm pregnant and all sorts of silly things.
My partner and I are also renting and neither of us are in well paid jobs. I'm minimum wage and he is just over. We live pretty much month to month with our pay but we will just make it work.

I think there is no real time to be ready and fully prepared so you just have to go for it.

I also worry I won't be a good mum. My partners sister has a baby and I just watch her and think I'll never be as good as her then I doubt myself and think we should just not bother. It's a hard cycle!

Try and take a step back, enjoy your wedding.
Enjoy any time after the wedding
Try not to think about the TTC'ing. Enjoy everything as it comes to not put pressure on yourself.

It is such a huge change to life and it is very nerve wracking! But don't make yourself Ill from stressing over it.
Everything works out some way or another.

I hope what I've said makes sense. And just know you're not alone!

Stilltobeseen Mon 22-Apr-19 18:33:39

It's nice to hear someone else feels this way!
My friend who had a baby recently just seemed so sure of her choices and so sure as a parent right away and I just don't feel like I can talk to her about these fears properly as she just didn't feel that way. I admire her a lot and she's such a great mum and fab to talk to about most things but it's nice to know I'm not alone with this so thank you.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey!

crazychemist Tue 23-Apr-19 07:27:48

Hi OP. Most people are quite nervous when they start ttc. I’m ttc#2 at the moment, so not a complete rookie but there are still plenty of things I worry about, finances especially. I think that’s really really common.

You will have to let go of comparing yourself to people as a mother. Honestly, it’ll drive you ABSOLUTELY nuts otherwise. Some mums are so good at projecting an image of perfect family life and ease, but it’s very rarely what goes on behind the scenes. Different people have different priorities as well. My DMum really surprised me last night. She looks after my DD about once a fortnight and I always come home to a tidier home than I leave, which makes me feel a bit rubbish sometimes (it’s lovely that she does it, but I feel like I should be managing better so it’s tidy when she arrives). I put it down to the fact that she’s had kids, and maybe she finds it easy to look after 1 when she is used to juggling 2. Turns out she thinks I do really exciting and educational things for DD and said she wished she knew how to do more of that and worries that my DD is bored with her. I couldn’t believe it!

Also, people may appear natural with their kids. I was always horrifically awkward with other people’s and worried I wouldn’t be comfortable with my own. But it doesn’t work out like that because you have plenty of time to get comfortable with them as a newborn and they won’t remember any of it! By the time they are moving/talking/forming permanent memories you know them so well that it is surprisingly natural. I never thought I’d say that before I had DD.

I was sick throughout. That was grim. But I’m still ttc again, so that tells you even really bad morning sickness is not impossible to cope with! It’s very unlikely you’d have very severe morning sickness, most people get through it without too much difficulty. People are more understanding than you realise as well. When you are ill, it feels awful to admit it, but remember that any women with children have probably been through it and will understand, and most men with children will have seen their DWs go through it. They are all more sympathetic than you realise until you are in that situation.

BUT if you are not feeling ready for it, don’t do it just yet! Enjoy your wedding and don’t let nerves spoil it. You want to be able to look back on this time and smile. Once the wedding is done, you may feel like it. If you don’t, there’s absolutely no harm in a little bit of a delay. You and your new DH can enjoy some time together first and that’s totally ok. I bet you’ll find you soon want to ttc and the urge will override the nervousness and you’ll feel ready for it.

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