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TTC when husband has a low sex drive

(13 Posts)
Mooey89 Sun 14-Apr-19 11:55:00

Month 5 of TTC
We don’t have a lot of sex - before TTC we would be lucky with 1-2 times per month unless it’s a special occasion! I would dTD a lot more if I could but dH has a pretty low sex drive.

Since TTC we usually get 3 x in fertile window, I’ve been tracking ovulation to make sure we at least hit the most fertile days.

I find myself getting so upset with him. I’m so desperate for a baby and so is he but I can’t make a baby alone!
Has anyone else gone through this and got pregnant? 😭

Mamabear12 Sun 14-Apr-19 13:18:44

Yes, don’t worry. We got pregnant first two times one try only first cycle. My dh has a low sex drive due to some pills he took previously and it never returned. So we only manage once a month. I know my fertile time. We are trying for a third and this is cycle 6 or 7 (I am not entirely sure as we been on and off trying depending on travels and guests in the house etc. And we managed to get a positive today! However I’m spotting so nervous. But at least you know it can happen with only dtd once. However if you manage 3 times that’s great! If it didn’t work this month or if this one doesn’t stick I’ll make my dh dtd twice at least next month! I’m still in show now as I wasn’t expecting a positive this morning.

MountAbora Sun 14-Apr-19 16:41:25

I don’t have any helpful hints I’m afraid but I’m in a similar position although only on cycle 2 of officially ttc. I just wanted to say that your not alone and it’s good to hear that I’m not the only one. I find it hard when everyone’s talking about doing it every other day or everyday & we are nowhere near that often.
My DP is similar to yours, he has a much lower sex drive than I do, which was a bit frustrating before ttc but can now be quite upsetting. I understand why he struggles but it’s still difficult not to get sad & angry when our fertile window is so short.
Mamabear12 is right tho that it only takes one time at the right time for it to work!

Headswim Sun 14-Apr-19 18:10:36

Hey @Mooey89 and others - I am 36, ttc #1 on cycle 4 - I have the same issue but I don't have a huge sex life either (although I would certainly be down for a bit more!). My partner has high functioning autism (which means he really has to be in the mood)and has a really stressful job, long hours. So I am resigned to the fact I won't get pregnant by having loads and loads of sex, so I've spent last few months getting healthy and tracking my cycle / CM closely then picking my moments when they count (especially when you get EWCM - egg white cervical mucus - as that's when the swimmers can get to the cervix). We don't have other kids to think about so have recently booked a long weekend away during OV window, currently on tww so fingers crossed 🤞🏼

I posted something similar recently and heard form a lot of ladies who reassured me that they had conceived through just one DTD during their fertile window. I think three times sounds like plenty.

I am sure it will happen soon! I think I will try Pre-Seed lubricant if I don't get a good result this month.

Good luck and tonnes of baby dust to you x

Mamabear12 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:13:29

I think 3 times is the ultimate amount as too much depletes the seiners. Doctors say every other day or 3 times a week. And if you know your fertile period 3 times during is plenty. Are you and your partners taking vitamins to increase fertility? I think this is important. My dh started taking them the last few months and I added vitamin C to the prenatal I was taking recently so I think this helped.

Darkstar4855 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:24:57

Three times in the fertile window is plenty! The month I conceived my partner and I were on opposite shift patterns so only managed to do it once - that was all it took!

Artemisduck Mon 15-Apr-19 23:45:55

Thanks for posting this Mooey89 and to the others who have reassured. In the same situation here - been ttc since dec 2017 and had a miscarriage late last year - it was our first pregnancy. Since the miscarriage, dh has been even less interested in sex. Work stress plays a huge part but think he's also worried about another miscarriage. He wants a child but just isn't seemingly able to do what is necessary to get pregnant! The last two months we've not had sex at all, and it's really hard as I get hopeful during my fertile period that he might be up for it. It feels like I'm the only one who is trying.

It's so hard. Really good to hear that once is all it took some of you! Any other tips on how to avoid frustration building with husband over this? I'm 37 next month so feeling time pressure too.

Thanks so much. It's a bit daunting to post but great that there's so much support here. X

Mooey89 Fri 19-Apr-19 20:41:54

So sorry for the delay in replying.
Honestly I don’t know how to answer you because I’m currently sat here in tears as DH has good to bed early with a ‘headache’ for the second night running in my fertile window. Didn’t manage at all last month and sorry that we won’t this month either.

I feel so humiliated and so so upset with him, how can he claim to love me and want a baby when he won’t even do what is necessary?! He should want me and to think that he doesn’t, not even when he claims to want a baby is the most depressing thing

Mamabear12 Fri 19-Apr-19 20:49:32

Your fertile period is 5 days. So you could perhaps try tomorrow? We always missed opportunities and would delay by a day or two! Last month I wanted to dtd day 12 and 14. We ended up doing it just day 14 and it worked! I know how frustrating it is. We only ever managed once a month! But all it takes is once at the right time and during the fertile period - which can be 5 days with the 2 days prior and the day of ovulation most important.

Mamabear12 Fri 19-Apr-19 20:53:47

Also, if you feel your clock is ticking it might take some pressure off to make it more fun, by for example watching something erotic together or letting him finish and use an artificial insemnation kit. Obviously it’s best if you can do it naturally but if time is getting short you might consider this. Men find it stressful under pressure and a man with low libido even more so.

Newmumma83 Fri 19-Apr-19 20:56:50

Does he feel a little Pressured ... it’s quite a lot harder for men in some respects as they have to have his equipment perform ... it may be a obvious this month but could you lighten the mood a bit and perhaps do a romantic meal... candle light and seduce him a little to promote the mood?

He may be worried he is not aroused enough to perform ... it’s a stressful time for you both 5 months is no time to try .

I know the urge is strong but if your stressed it’s not going to help you either x x x

Newmumma83 Fri 19-Apr-19 21:00:31

Fingers crossed 🤞 soon for you x x

Mycrazylife85 Sat 27-Apr-19 22:41:27

I just wanted to pop a message. I have PCOS and came off the pill in January. I waited for three months for my period to arrive. I haven't had another ad yet. My husband doesn't have a high sex drive. It's been a good few weeks. We are not 'trying' but we're supposed to be 'not being careful and if it happened' however having no sex isn't exactly the 'not trying' I was hoping for. We are both tired in the week so that's okay but I always hope for maybe a lazy weekend morning. I wore the best of silky numbers to bed last night and this morning he got up early to do DIY (okay it needs doing but). I was gutted.

Another friend had a baby the other day, two pregnancies announced in 24 hours. I'm nearly 34 and it breaks me. I started trying to track my ovulation, on the quiet (only so I don't cause stress related performance problems which is another thing) but with PCOS I don't suspect I'll get regular periods anyhow. I'm feeling particularly gutted about it all today. Strangely I didn't think babies were for me but my heart hearts a little every time I hear of another person getting pregnant for the second, third or forth time

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