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I feel like a failure.

(8 Posts)
Forester85 Sat 13-Apr-19 21:32:29

Hi everyone
After ttc for 2 years just found out first cycle of clomid hasnt worked. I know i was prob unrealistic to expect a BFP on round 1. I just feel like such a fsilure as a woman that i cant even achirve this basic thing that others do by accident. My OH has done SA and hes fine so i feel like i must be doing something wrong. Ive questionned everything ive done in the tww. Like does sleeping on my front squash a tiny embryo? Should i have had that extra coffee? Did sneezing knock an embryo off its perch? Does mother nature know that i wont be a good mum? If i lose a bit of weight will i magically get pregnant?
I know im being ridiculous. OH doesnt seem to understsnd why im so upset but the slightest thing sets me off crying again.
Sorry for the long post, just needed to vent.

Willowjasmine Sat 13-Apr-19 22:10:19

Hi Forester, I really feel for you. I don't think you're being ridiculous, although that may be because i am ridiculous 😂 your train of thought sounds identical to mine. I've been ttc for a little over a year and on third cycle of Clomid, currently waiting for af to appear and feeling sorry for myself. I often think that my body knows I don't have the mental strength to be a mother and so is refusing to get pregnant as it knows I can't cope and will be a shit parent. What upsets me even more is that my DH would be SUCH a wonderful father, it breaks my heart knowing if he was with someone else, he would probably have a baby by now. Which then leads to not feeling good enough to be his wife. The whole process is fucking exhausting!

Forester85 Sun 14-Apr-19 08:03:54

Certainly is exhausting!
What dose of clomid are you on?
Ive thought about telling OH to go find someone ekse who can give him children but im too scared he would.
I hate the waiting fir af part. It got to the point this month i was actually hoping fir it. I knew i wasnt pg and just wanted it to start.
Im so glad to know im not the only nutter!

Willowjasmine Sun 14-Apr-19 11:47:07

I'm on 50mg, how about you? I only had bloods the first month which said I had ovulated, but I'm not convinced.

I think you're being really hard on yourself. I bet your DH would be horrified at the thought, just like mine is when I tell him that. But it's easy to tell someone else that isn't it.

I've been given 6 months of Clomid so I'm already half way through, losing the hope I had at the start. When I hear of people conceiving on Clomid it always seems to be in the first 2 months.

Forester85 Mon 15-Apr-19 17:16:20

Im also on 50mg but i was told it can be increased after 3 months. Can you not ask for an increase?

becca3210 Mon 15-Apr-19 17:46:48

Sorry to hear you are feeling like that. I have some friends who have a had a very tough journey to get pregnant and they are wonderful mums so please don’t think it is Mother Nature saying you won’t be a good mum. Hope things look up for you soon.

AnxietyForever Mon 15-Apr-19 19:27:31

Hi OP.
I was on clomid last year, got pregnant second month.
I felt proper shit the first month when it hadn't worked but had hope for the second month and it worked! Don't loose hope

Forester85 Fri 19-Apr-19 09:55:54

Thank you all for your encouraging words. I know i need to be patient but if one more person tells me to "just relax" i may end up on an assault charge!

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