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DH wants to tell everyone as soon as we get a BFP

(25 Posts)
Comps83 Thu 11-Apr-19 22:05:48

and it’s not just about me and I can’t tell him who he can and can’t tell
Que massive falling out
Honestly I could put him through the wall sometimes angry

Chocolateisfab Thu 11-Apr-19 22:08:12

Maybe out the door?
Your body, your decision imo.

hcopp Thu 11-Apr-19 22:09:39

I'm sure you know this already, but it's important he realises the % of BFPs that don't become full term pregnancies. Waiting until 12 weeks is all about saving you both the heartache of having to tell people bad news. I know you know that. Him telling everyone straight away is not ok. Xxx

feduuup Thu 11-Apr-19 22:10:55

Don't tell him then, sorted smile jokes aside he's being completely U but with things like this the tone of the conversation is important.

Comps83 Thu 11-Apr-19 22:12:23

Yes I’ve told him this. And he doesn’t see any problem with then having to tell ppl we lost it. Wtf?
He’s had a few drink and I just picked him up from the pub so hopefully it’s just drink talking but I’m very annoyed with him

Comps83 Thu 11-Apr-19 22:16:50

Personally I don’t want to tell a soul for three months
Not even parents
My manager maybe if I absolutely have to due to missing work

lauryloo Thu 11-Apr-19 22:29:39

My parents and in laws would be massively hurt if we didn't mention it for 3 months. Maybe he thinks his family would be the same

Comps83 Thu 11-Apr-19 22:31:19

I would possibly cave on that tbh . Maybe 2 months
But not as soon we see a line like he wants to .
Neither of us are particularly close to our family though.

FenellaMaxwell Thu 11-Apr-19 22:33:54

In all honesty I would probably not tell him either in that case. Tell him that if he can’t respect your right to privacy at a nerve wracking time then you will have no choice but to keep it to yourself.

Comps83 Thu 11-Apr-19 22:37:32

I’m already annoyed with him as he’s been feeling ppl that we are ttc which I made very clear I didn’t want. Gobshite

Comps83 Thu 11-Apr-19 22:37:47


S1naidSucks Thu 11-Apr-19 22:44:17

Are you sure you should be trying to have a baby with a man that totally disrespects your wishes? I’m not trying to be a smart arse, just concerned that he seems to think he has the final say.

Comps83 Thu 11-Apr-19 22:56:28

I know what you mean
If I really put my foot down he’ll not tell anyone but I shouldn’t have to . Surely it’s just common sense

GemmeFatale Fri 12-Apr-19 00:23:26

Have you pointed out he’s basically telling you he won’t respect your right to medical privacy. A pregnancy, particularly in the early stages is the medical information of the mother and nothing else.

Would he be happy for you to share details of his bowel issues/fugal infection/other private medical details with your mates down the pub?

What about if you can’t conceive? Will he be telling everyone in detail about his low sperm count/bad swimmers/deformed sample?

dronesdroppingzopiclone Fri 12-Apr-19 00:28:23

I really don't get and never have the keep it private for 3 months. Loss can and still does.

Kinsters Fri 12-Apr-19 03:01:20

Yeah loss still happens, but I personally won't be telling anyone until 12 weeks next time. I've had a few losses and if I get pregnant again I'll just want to try and not think about it as much as possible - easier to do that if no one knows you're pregnant.

I agree with pps op, your DH doesn't sound great. Have a discussion about it when he's not drunk but he should be respecting your wishes on this. If you're seriously considering not telling him when you get pregnant then I'd question whether it's the right time for a baby. You probably wouldn't be able to hide it from him anyway, you might be tired and sick. Unless perhaps he wouldn't notice!

Tobebythesea Fri 12-Apr-19 06:34:55

I had 2 mc last year, both at 7 weeks after a smooth sailing first pregnancy. We told so many people as we had no reason to suspect things would no wrong....twice. I very naively thought it wouldn’t happen to us and I was wrong. It’s truly awful to have to then tell people that you’ve had a mc. I’m now 21 weeks and we didn’t tell anyone apart from close family (needed support) until week 12. Sorry to be pessimistic but you probably already know 1 in 4 pregnancies end in mc. He needs to be respectful of your wishes and be a team.

Newmumma83 Fri 12-Apr-19 06:40:08

I told my parents and in laws at 2 months everyone else after 12 week scan.

My parents were upset I was not celebrating the pregnancy from the start but had to go with my choice .... tough! Mum made lots of side comments to about it hurting not to be able to tell people when it was official .... I ignored it .... re talk to him explain why you feel this way and that it’s a non negotiable... sober he may be listening x

AnotherEmma Fri 12-Apr-19 06:44:34

Why are you trying for a baby with him if you think he's a "gobshite"?

If you can't even agree on this you're in for a LOT of arguments.

His attitude sounds off. I would re-evaluate.

MerryMarigold Fri 12-Apr-19 06:50:04

I told friends and family both times as soon as I had a line. Partly because I'm terrible at keeping secrets and partly because I hadn't had the trauma of dealing with a miscarriage. In my eyes I told everyone that I'd also want to support me if I lost the baby. That never happened so I didn't test the theory.

stucknoue Fri 12-Apr-19 07:07:36

By 6-8 weeks it's more certain but modern pregnancy tests pick up pregnancies before they are fully established and not all implant properly for instance, a generation ago people would have thought they were "late" with what they assumed was a late period whereas now people know they got pregnant and miscarried. It's hard to keep quiet but I waited until when my next period was due (so 6 weeks gestation, 8 weeks how they calculate it) before telling anyone but my husband

Desmondo2016 Fri 12-Apr-19 07:11:08

I told close friends and family straight away, as I'd have needed their support if it had gone wrong. By about 7 or 8 weeks i started telling more people. My body changed by about 6 weeks anyway and by 8 I had a noticeable bump and I couldn't be arsed to hide it.

Comps83 Fri 12-Apr-19 07:45:18

Ok so we woke up this morning and said he was pissed off as he felt like I was dictating to him and that it was yet another case of me getting my way.
I think it’s very much down to nievity (I know I’ve spelt that wrong) on his part
He says he’ll respect my wishes

YesimstillwatchingNetflix Fri 12-Apr-19 08:22:00

He sounds insensitive, selfish, immature and kind of thick TBH.

I would be rethinking having a baby with him.

crazychemist Fri 12-Apr-19 13:08:50

Are you sure you want to have a baby with him?

SerIously, I love my DH to bits, but having a baby puts IMMENSE pressure on a relationship. My DH is actually quite lazy, but this didn’t bother me at all pre-DD. It drove me absolutely bonkers during the first year and I seriously threatened walking out a couple of times (totally meant it, I was exhausted). If you are this annoyed with him now, how will you feel when you’ve been up half the night every night running for several months? Will he put your needs first then and support you?

If you do decide you want a baby with him, why tell him when you get a bfp? I delayed a couple of days before telling DH just because I wanted to him when we had time to talk about it, not rushing to go out to work in the morning. If he will share the news before you want to, just don’t tell him you are testing! I bet he doesn’t keep enough track of your cycle to have a clue anyway.

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