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worried my partner hates me because I haven't been able to provide him with a baby

(77 Posts)

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tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:28:33

So, we've been trying to conceive for 5/6 month and haven't yet had any luck. I've not once fallen pregnant in my life. over the last few months I've felt like hes pushing me away because I can't give him what he wants. I've looked at adoption and surrogacy but it's not the same as having your own. I feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me because I physically can not give him a baby. I have the FLO period app on my phone and it said today is the day I was meant to be my ovulation day, I took an ovulation test this afternoon and it was negative. He has a child from a previous relationship. Please, how do I make it possible to give him what he wants?

MissConductUS Tue 09-Apr-19 20:37:40

Five or six months really isn't that long to be trying. Have you had a fertility workup by your gynecologist or an endocrinologist? How do you know that it's not his issue, other than the fact that he fathered a child at some point in the past?

Chocolateisfab Tue 09-Apr-19 20:40:10

Test again at 10pm. I always tested then and at 2pm.
Glow is a good app - few crazy stories on there but it's good!

Mintandthyme Tue 09-Apr-19 20:43:14

Have you had a proper conversation about it?

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:44:13

I've spoke to the doctors but they just pass it of. I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight because he's gone to bed in a mood. All I want to do is make him happy.

JustHereForThePooStoriesFella Tue 09-Apr-19 20:44:38

What makes you think he doesn’t want anything to do with you?

If that is the case, why would you even want a child with this man?

Morticiaismymumgoal Tue 09-Apr-19 20:45:09

6 months and you're looking into surrogacy and adoption? It's not the same as having your own baby for who? Him or you? And how do you give him what he wants? Do you want a baby? This all comes across quite alarmingly, are you ok OP?

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:45:09

He's distancing himself and I think it's because I haven't yet fallen pregnant.

lostvoice Tue 09-Apr-19 20:47:23

Have you spoken to him?
He might be thinking he's letting you down and you're distancing yourself

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:47:26

I want a baby more than anything, someone to love who will love me back and who I can put my all into. It just feels like he doesn't seem happy because I'm not pregnant.

SoyDora Tue 09-Apr-19 20:48:06

5/6 months is not a long time to be trying. My first took 13 months to conceive with no fertility issues (second and third conceived first month). Why have you posted on the infertility board?

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:48:44

Every time I try speak to him about it it either ends in an argument or me in tears. We tried to have sex the other day but it killed my stomach and I cried and I felt useless. I can't give him sex and I can't give him a baby. I don't want us to break up because of this, I love him and I couldn't imagine having a baby with anyone else.

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:49:17

I've posted on this as I'm new and didn't know what to list it under

Bananalanacake Tue 09-Apr-19 20:51:18

how long have you been together. you need to build up a trusting relationship first.

MissConductUS Tue 09-Apr-19 20:54:46

I want a baby more than anything, someone to love who will love me back

Is he actually pressing you to have a child? I sounds more like it's coming from you.

By the way, babies tend to be a bit self centered. Don't expect to be showered in love if you have one.

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:55:26

We've been together 2 years. We met when we was younger but we was both in a relationship at the time.

aprarl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:56:43

That isn't infertility. You've barely started trying and it's hugely insensitive to equate the two.

However; if this is all true, you definitely shouldn't have a baby with him anyway.

If you can't talk about this stuff or trust him then imagine the difficulties of a real life little human being thrown into the mix!

AnnaSteen Tue 09-Apr-19 20:57:19

I don’t think you should be having a child with this man. If your relationship can’t survive 5/6 months of trying for a baby how will you bring up a family together. Trying to 5-6 months is not infertility. It’s perfectly normal. Your relationship sounds unstable.

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:57:36

We both want a baby. I've helped my sisters and my friends raise their kids and I want to be able to raise my own. He's not pressuring me into anything but it's the way I feel. I feel as if I can't give him a baby he will leave me. I think it's kind of set in more tonight because my friends gone into labour

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 20:58:32

I put it as underskirt because I didn't know what else to put it as. Sorry if I've offended anyone

tjsyourgirl Tue 09-Apr-19 21:02:18

I'm here to ask what should I do? Is there any way I can conceive faster? What to do and what not to do

AnnaSteen Tue 09-Apr-19 21:02:53

You shouldn’t have a child with someone who you feel will leave you if you can’t give him what he wants. Many of us here are facing never having a child in our lives - having been actually diagnosed with infertility or problems conceiving. Our partners also want children more than anything, but in many cases - and in my own our relationship has become stronger.

Maybe you should talk to a counselor about your problems as your reactions are very extreme and you don’t seem to be able to communicate properly with your partner.

ballsdeep Tue 09-Apr-19 21:03:44

I wouldn't want to bring a baby into this relationship. He sounds like a child and your relationship sounds unstable

Queenfreak Tue 09-Apr-19 21:04:28

I'm going to let others talk time scales.

RE blame being laid for infertility- I needed IVF to fall pregnant, issue lies with my husband (though he's not keen on others knowing this). I love my husband very much and I can reassure you that never once have I ever blamed him for our infertility treatment. If the IVF hadn't been successful I would have shared many tears, but never once have blamed him or made him feel bad about it. I'm not sure how I would have dealt with having no children- but it would have been with him.
The way you describe your relationship doesn't sound healthy or good.

Contraceptionismyfriend Tue 09-Apr-19 21:05:02

Look. You need to give your head a serious wobble.

It can take two perfectly healthy people a whole year to conceive. That's considered absolutely normal.

You don't come across as completely sensible regarding this matter.
Is this really the right situation to bring a baby into anyway?

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