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Please stop asking!!!!

(15 Posts)
BBaby30 Mon 08-Apr-19 04:42:00

We have been married a year, trying for 3 after a miscarriage but I'm so so sick of people asking when we are having kids or why aren't we talking about babies all the time and the best..don't you want to make (husband) a dad? Of course I bloody well do! If I could I would!!!!

Sorry for ranting here it's just so hard when family and friends are popping out babies left and right and I already feel like I can't give my husband a family without having that fear thrown in my face 🙁😞

elasticfantastic Mon 08-Apr-19 05:00:18

Been there. It's shit. I hear you. I did 3 years of laughing it off politely and saying all the "oh there's plenty of time/ I'm working on career first / blah blah blah and then I just thought Fuck It. And when people said things I just said we're trying but I keep having miscarriages. Soon shuts people up!! Made me feel better though!

Good luck xx

Willowjasmine Mon 08-Apr-19 09:34:58

@BBaby30 I feel you. Used to laugh it off and can't anymore. Yesterday was with DH and MIL's side of the family. We were talking about someone who's pregnant and she goes, in front of a large family, "we're just waiting for these two now" gesturing towards us. And everyone laughed and agreed. I was so mortified. I know it was just a passing comment and she doesn't know we have been ttc for over a year, but I was so upset. Ended up in me and DH having a massive fight and both of us saying some not very nice things.

Why is the status of my uterus fair game for conversation topic? Why can't people just be considerate of other people's feelings?

ChipsAreLife Mon 08-Apr-19 09:39:36

I never really ask people as I know some people struggle and they rightly don't like to talk about it and I respect that. I also think some people don't want kids at all and don't need to explain it.

If it's the same people asking again maybe you could explain? I get you shouldn't have to but may stop the comments?

39Suzy Mon 08-Apr-19 09:48:58

We went through people asking for years. A short, deadpan 'We keep kissing and kissing but nothing happens...' response normally shut people up (especially the bloody interfering nosy old MIL). Good luck with TTC 😗 x

becca3210 Mon 08-Apr-19 09:55:19

It is horrible isn't it. Not very considerate at all. I used to laugh it off but now I think it is actually best to be honest with people. When somebody asked me recently in front of a big group how my baby was, as they thought I must be pregnant, I just said I would like to be pregnant but am not. That stopped them - and hopefully means those people won't ask me again any time soon!

Singlenotsingle Mon 08-Apr-19 10:00:32

Yeah, no reason why you shouldn't just be honest and tell them. At least that'll shut them up.

I'm known for not being sensitive, and for speaking out of turn, but even I have never commented on someone's not having dc!

pushingdaisies Mon 08-Apr-19 13:19:16

I know the feeling. SiL has just had a baby and now DH is the only "child" that doesn't have a child yet iyswim.
We are struggling, I've got various gynae appointments set up and there's a pretty high chance we won't conceive naturally once I've had all my surgery etc.
I hate it when people come around and we are there because I know we're going to get "ooh your turn next!" or "feeling broody?" or "when are you two going to have a baby?" I've never had so much as a faint line on a test. It's like people think getting pregnant is a matter of will, I want a baby, so I'm having one right now hmm

Unless the old Stork story is true and we've been at it like rabbits for no good reason when we just had to order a baby

mila1988 Mon 08-Apr-19 13:47:57

@BBaby30 totally get you! We keep getting told 'you two should stop going on so many holidays and think about having a baby!' the worse thing is my girl friends keep saying 'oh hurry up and have a baby what are you waiting for! You'd think women would understand each other!! I have no problem being honest but they don't deserve to know about my private life and the status of my uterus!! what are they going to achieve by knowing if we're pregnant or not!

kashleesi Wed 10-Apr-19 19:41:25

I feel you all sad at work we’re all a bit pissed off with it at the min an there’s two of us just been married in our twenties etc and today we were talking about the problems in the company and she goes ‘if I was one of you I’d be pregnant already going off for a year’ OH well Judith why don’t you then if it’s so easy angry or she’ll say ‘I thought there’d be a bump in the office by now!’
One of these days she’ll get more than she bargains for when quiet old me snaps back haha

crazychemist Wed 10-Apr-19 20:13:22

Wow, who says this stuff? The only one I got this with was DHs grandmother who is a) very old and b) catholic. I didn’t realise anyone more modern than that would say this stuff! Sorry to hear it’s getting you all down sad

mightskys Wed 10-Apr-19 22:37:52

How awful.

Although when you get pregnant you get a whole new lot of questions. "Was it planned?" was a gem I got from the cashier in Tesco, and nosey Judith in my open plan office. Apparently there's no part of a woman's uterus which shouldn't be questioned.

I hope it happens for you soon thanks

wannabebump Thu 11-Apr-19 09:03:06

I hear you! It's so upsetting 😪 I'm in an office of 20 women and it's bets on who's next, or the you've been married 5 years when are you going to get a move on. Or "you're not getting any younger". Thanks Melanie, i'm aware of that sadangry

Lexilooo Thu 11-Apr-19 10:15:41

People do stop asking eventually, I'm 40, haven't been asked for over a year now. Not sure it's any better now people assume it won't happen.

Lemonysherbet Thu 11-Apr-19 19:44:22

Totally hear you. I've got to the point of shutting people down right away, think everyone is scared to mention anything now

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